WAP = Welker Able to Fahkin’ Practice.
Dear Rest of NFL, Get ready to see a shitload of this again this season, and beyond. And at full fahkin’ force. That is all.
You already know this by now, and if you don’t then you’re either on vacation, in a cave, or an asshole. But White Wes is BACK. And sure, he could technically still go back on the PUP for the start of the season and be out for the 1st 6 games, but the odds of that happening are the same as LeBron hosting a “Hey Cleveland, My Bad” fundraiser at Dan Gilbert’s house this fall. He’s worked his dick off to get to where he is and if he’s come this far, this fast, then you know for sure that he won’t stop until he’s ready, and on the field, and catching passes like crazy, and being a huge pain in his opponents’ ass every week. It’s inspirational, really. If Welker can tear his knee up like pulled pork on January 3rd, and be back in shape and ready for the “controlled” violence of the NFL before kids go back to college? PFR: Pretty Fahkin’ Remarkable. Makes me think I should be less proud of myself when I clean my pizza crusts and empty beer cans off the sofa after watching a Sox game.
And this is when the Sox WIN.
Honestly, try to tell me there’s a better story in the NFL right now. Tell me there’s someone little kids, Pats fans and manchildren all across New England and beyond should look up to more. He’s the heart and rock ‘n roll soul of this team, which has been through a lot and has a shit-ton of work to do to get to where they want to go. But if Welkah can do what he’s done, and the team follows White Wes’s example, then who’s to say anything’s impossible this season?
Anything’s Poss...fuck it, you know what I said!
In honor of my hero and yours, Wes Welkah, coming all the way back from AC-Hell surgery, promising to be ready for the season, giving TFB his favorite target, and us supahfans our favorite little engine that could and does, we’re having a WHITE WES WELKER t-shirt clearance sale. Now, for the low-low (and honorary) price of only $8.30, you can own your own White Wes Welker shirt.
Besides championing Welkah’s efforts to get back on the field faster than any of us could recover from a scraped knee, let alone a destroyed one, we’re having a sale to clear some merch...BECAUSE WE RE-DESIGNED THE WES WELKER SHIRT AND IT’S READY AND AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE, PATSPEOPLE!
That’s right, it’s the brand new “Wes Welker: White Receiver”. Available for purchase for our still-low-as-grandpa’s-balls price of $12 (plus $3 shipping & manhandling). Everyone’s gonna want one and be wearing one come Opening Day against possibly T.O. and the Bengals. You don’t wanna be left out, do you? You were made fun of enough already in this life. Stick with the cool kids. Get with the program! Pony up the $15 and buy this kickass shirt already!
Go to TownieNews.com/merchandise and get - it - on!
And welcome back, Wes! I heart you in ways that it makes even me uncomfortable from a distance.
And let’s go Pats!
...and the Celtics still couldn’t bring home the big W in Game 3. Still burns my ass. Nice to see, according to the slideshow at Boston dot com, that celebs from the local and long distance lent their star power to the Gang green scene. Celebrities - they’re just like us! Except they’re not! Because people give a fahk about them, and they shit money!
Look, it’s New England Patriots quarterback and national hearththrob Tom Brady, sporting his new ‘do from The Justin Beiber Salon! When’s the album from your boy band, “TFB-Real” drop, Tommy? LOL.
“No, I swear, I totally used to play my “Hangin’ Tough” cassette and rub it out thinking about you. Then you became The Other Wahlberg. What the fahk?”
Here we see Rasheed Wallace and unemployed receiver Terrell Owens share a hearty laugh and a man-hug over Owens’ ludicrous idea that the Patriots would ever consider signing him. That Owens, such a jokester! LOL!
Recently injured yet rapidly rehabbing New England Patriots standout Wes Welker details to sexy TV personality, and Celtics supahfan, Maria Menunos how his ACL injury would in no way be a problem if she wanted to be his “slot receiver”. Oh Wes, you frisky little devil you!
...tell me seeing White Wes back at Patriots practice, in FAHKIN’ JUNE, didn’t give you the sportsboner of the year?
Hey Rex Ryan, Goddamn Jets and everyone else in the NFL, guess who’s coming atcha at FFS: Full Fahkin’ Strength, sooner than you expected?
WES WELKAH, YOU ARE MY HERO! You already loved White Wes more than many Patriots past and present, or probably anyone you call “friend” or “relative”. You’d take a punch for the guy to make sure he can move the chains the following Sunday. And you weren’t ashamed when you cried a little bit, just like White Wes himself, when he blew out his knee. Well, as far as I’m concerned, he’s moving a coupla notches up The Awesome Guy charts with news that he hung out at The Playboy Mansion and spent a little time “rehabbing his injuries” with Ashley Dupree. White Wes, this is your time to go and get what’s coming to you, buddy. Soak it up, soak it in. Do what you please. Get your freak on, guy. You know your body and your injury clock better than anyone else. And you’ve worked hard enough to earn some robed downtime. As Townie News NFL prognosticator The Flood calls him “Client #83”, I say so long as he’s back on the field by Veteran’s Day, and we still have a shot to shove it down Tyrranosaurus Rex and the Jets’ throat, then attack your Dionysian time with the same ferocity you attack the middle of the field, my man.
Photo courtesy of Boston.com, and every guy’s dreams.
White Wes Welker’s surgery went well. Thank the football gods.
White Wes is on the mend. He’ll be back, and boy is he gonna be pissed.
Page 1 of 1 pages
