Once again...comedy fundraiser...Friday night...show starts at Awesome O’Clock...good cause great times...come on, it’s for the kids! By not coming you’re saying, out loud, “I hate kids! And fun.” So that’s on you.
Now, been a few weeks since we’ve thrown a TuukkaTime Bruins recap up on yee ol’ Townie. And in light of last night’s big fat Bruins comeback I thought, well, no better time than the present to give you a whole lotta Tuukka...
Here’s this week’s interview with Bax & O’Brien, where we talk all things Pats and some other stuff. Mostly Pats. I burped a coupla times on the radio. So I’m sure the sponsors are PUMPED.
Also don’t forget: big show next Thursday night @ Max Cap, 116 School Street in Chicopee, MA. I’ll be performing with Bax & O’Brien producer Steve Nagle....he’s a handsome SOB...as well as Matt McCarthy, a hilarious redheaded drunk if there ever were one. You might know Matt as the cable guy from all those funny Verizon FiOs commercials in recent year. You can also order his album on iTunes, which kicks ass and is a great audio companion to your next ice cold adult beverage. Gonna be a hella good show, peoples.
Been a long time coming, Western Mass / Pioneer Valley. For all these years I’ve been clogging up your airwaves every Thursday morning at 8, yapping away...come see just what a jackass I am, and what doing it up GFY-style is all about! I’m buying a beer to the first five people who tell me next Thursday night that they read on Townie News to come up and tell me in-person, “Go Fahk Yerself!”
See you humps then...more soon...and let’s go Pats!
Sorry for the delay in posting videos from last Sunday’s Pats/Ravens tailgate, folks. A few were errantly posted earlier with a tech glitch, which is why they’ve been pulled from the YouTube for the moment, Don’t worry, they’ll get fixed and re-posted this fine eve. Until then here’s a hot load of things ‘n stuff ‘n junk ‘n shit for you read, watch, mull over, consider, enjoy and scoff at...
How fantastic was that Yankees loss last night!!??!! Well, some might refer to it as a Rangers win, but baseball busters like us enjoy looking at the glass half full of unhappy Yanks fans. Oh baby! Josh Hamilton, you have convinced me that I should only enjoy ginger ale on a regular basis. If you can have that much AND cause that much Yankee fan unhappiness powered by just THAT kind of ale? I might have to rethink my inebriated ways. ALSO - if you’re looking for a visual reminder as to why we hate the Yankees and their ass-hat fans so much then do enjoy THIS DOUCHETASTIC GIF FROM 30FPS.
And now - CJ Wilson - buddy, you were on my fantasy team this season, and you were good. Really good at times. Better than expected more often than not. I HATED when you killed the Sox on July 18th at Fenway. Cursed you out! But now..now, to think that you can drive the stake through the hearts of the Yanks and their fans, who surprisingly weren’t in attendance in the late innings last night? Oh buddy - time to folow you on Twitter (@str8edgeracer) and DO WORK! GO GET ‘EM! You got millions of exra fans on board that CJ Wilson/Rangers/ bandwagon today. Hope the weight isn’t too much. Claw their eyes out!
Other such nonsensicals...from our pal Braden, b.f.k.a. (better fahkin’ known as) Big Head from The Karlson and McKenzie Show on WZLX, 1007FM in Boston, comes the early Christmas gift tip-off of the year: THE KEGWAY!
Greatest tailgating invention EVER.
Be sure to listen to this week’s ESPNBoston Patriots podcast. Mike Reiss and Tedy Bruschi always deliver a good listen with plenty of in-depth analysis and behind-the-scenes info. But also this week they answer a Twitter question (@FitzyGFY) from yours truly. And people accuse me of being shamelessly self-promotional!
Speaking of shameless self-promotionalism...don’t forget to listen to The Bax & O’Brien Show Thursday Oct 21st @ 8am for their weekly chat with...YOUR OLD PAL FITZY! Here’s to hoping we’re drinking some cheap champagne, or ginger ale, and celebrating, having an on-air Yankees elimination party (Eddie Andelmann just read that and went on a hot dog safari).
And of course our pal, TuukkaTime, continues to drop high-quality Bruins postgame reviews. And young Tuukka proves that he’s learning by using an old trick from yours truly to start off this video, which celebrates a big Beez win (I know it’s early, but do we smell some good things Bruin @ the Gahden this season?)
All this AND a huge Pats game coming up in San Diego Sunday, and THEN the Celtics home opener against Tuesday the 26th against The Three Flamingos? Good times, people. Crack a cold one, or 5, live it up, new videos coming shortly, and GFY!!!
Welcome home, Deion. You should have never left in the first place. But you’re back where you belong. And while your job is not to come in and make anyone forget about Mossman and his downfield dynamite anytime soon, it’s nice to know TFB’s original crush is back in the mix. And I’m stunned more people aren’t psyched about this, like walking by a changing booth in a department store and “accidentally” catching some girl’s sideboob kinda psyched?!? Branch still has the goods, the tools, the tricks. You watch - he’s not gonna light it up like the recently departed #81, nor will he have SB 38 or 39 kinda games anytime soon. But what he does know how to do is find ways to get open and hit those soft spots, the soft spots that TFB loves to hit him in. yeah, this is getting a little bromoerotic. I said it! But so what...they got a good thing going, and we need more of those kinda good things in that locker room, on Gillette’s Field (and several other opposing fields to come), and in the huddle. No, I’m betting Branch isn’t what he was, in terms of burst and explosiveness. But what he is...is Deion Fahkin’ Branch. And with a group of young wide receivers in need of guidance and advice and tutelage (one of my favorite sports broadcaster and wrestling commentator words), and Branch is gonna bring it. I love the way this offense is going. I love the way this team is headed, mixing vets with a lot of rooks and young guys on the rebuild. Don’t say I didn’t tell you this team is only going to get better and better, and I’ll go out on a ledge/limb/your mom’s dick and say it now. The Pats are going to the playoffs.
Here’s DFB back at practice today (photo from the Herald) - looks pretty shahp if you ask me. And you didn’t. But I’m telling you anyways. So suck it.
You’d be smiling from asshole to elbow if you just got sent from Seattle and Hasslesnack to Foxboro and TFB, too!
And how did it all work out; Maroney for Branch? Umm, OK!
I also forgot, me being Mr. #1 Hockeyfan and all (sorry, I’m just being honest rather than Captain Bandwagon), that TuukkaTime is back. Shit, c’mon, there’s been JUST a little bit going on of late so you’ll have to excuse me that I forgot to post his first coupla vlogs. Well don’t worry, cuz the kid you love to love for his passion and fanatic love of all things B’s and Pats (and forces us to try and overlook the fact that he’s a Skanks fan) is ding his thing again, and he’s doing it well. His postgame from Game #2 (cripes it’s mid-October, the idea of thinking about hockey right now feels as foreign as seeing Randy Moss back in a Vikes uniform...just fahkin’ weird)...
Couple other things...
I love the guys (no homo) over at PATS PROPAGANDA, good “by the people who drink beer and watch Pats games with the people” blog. But for shits ‘n giggles have you checked out FUCK YEAH WES WELKER yet? Shouldn’t all blogs or websites be named after what you say when your favorite slot receiver makes a big catch for another Patriots first down?
Free November 12th? Busy? Well, canceling your effing plans and get your ass to the 3rd annual Franklin SEPAC Comedy Fundraiser Show. The money goes to charity. The comics are fantastic. The beer is cheap. Buttloads of prizes, auctions, raffles and more. I think there’s gonna be a breakdancing clown that shits ice cream. Lady Gaga’s gonna be there. Serious fun. YOU READ RIGHT...GAGA!
OK, maybe there won’t be a clown who shits ice cream, but we’re looking. So be there, and GFY!
PS - Tune in Thursday at 8:05am for our weekly sortschat with Bax & O’Brien on Rock 102 FM, Springfield (rock102.com), and look out for my big dumb ass filming a tailgate video around Foxboro’s lots this Sunday. Been a while since we did some old-fashioned beer-soaked tailgate video magic. Find me, say you saw about it on this shitty website, then say “Whoa, double GFY!” and I’ll give you a koozie. No bullsheet. It’s that easy. Like dangling a double cheeseburger and a bottle of Old Crow in the air when your mom answers the door. DEAL SEALED!
Seriously, before someone else valuable gets knocked out in Game 5.
And hey, Sawx, what bettah way to roll into the Skanks weekend series than on the heels of a sweepy finish to the Halo series. Rally time, you humps!
Also - don’t forget to check us out shooting POCKET MONEY, giving away piles of Uncle NESN’s cash, around Fanuel Hall Friday the 7th from 10a-2p, then outside Fenway from 4-730p. What better way to honor your mom than by getting on TV, trying to win money for flowers and brunch, then making an ass of yourself?
And the laugh of the week comes from, who else, JETS FANS! The greatest source of laughter this Earth has provided us since the banana peel.
Ian from SoxandDawgs called today “Cinqo de Nomar”, it being Nomar Appreciation Night and all. Solid. I am only happy as Hades to put on my Revisionist Historian Glasses, pretend Nomar ended his Sawx days happily and tip my cap, and beer, to him tonight. Always gonna have a place in my sportsheart for Nomah. Dood...it’s Nomah!
The dudes over at iBlackedout.com pointed this Bruins advertising gem out. With the whole of my drunken parody of a human self I LIKE. Not a big enough LIKE button for this. Seriously, diehard fans can’t keep wondering why so many humps are bandwagon hopping on the Beez Black n Gold Thundertrain.
If you want to be on season 2 of POCKET MONEY (and win a lot more nice paper, seeing as we’re playing for $80 this season, not just $35) then bring your smartass self and trivia prowess to…
Yankee Spirits in N. Attleboro, Weds May 5th from 2-430pm
The tailgate lots outside Gillette before the Revs game, Weds May 5th, 5-730pm
Outside, inside and all over Fenway for the Skanks/Sox Friday night Showdown, Friday May 7th
Seriously, there are some more of your chances to let me buy you those beers I promised you, or you deserved. PLUS you can get your mug on TV, thrill your mom (like I do) and have all your friends, coworkers and cousins watch and laugh. You keep saying you can do this. You know all the answers. It’s sooooooo easy. Well, bring it, Jabroni!
Some readers/pals/drunks reminded me I forgot to post Soxs Losswash videos this Spring. I did. I suck. I owe the whole of you humps some videos to wash out the taste of some of those ghastly defeats in Baltimore, and more. So here’s one to get things rolling. Mind you - this, unlike me, is REAL.
Oh, and here’s the mopst recent recap from our pal, @tuukkatime40. Let’s go for 3 tonight in Filthy, Beez! And try not to get tazed, dudes!
CELTICS? Good win, as it should have been. Mouthy, gritty, contested; somehow the Celts seem to turn every first round series into bloodbaths or the low-stakes basketball equivalent of Balboa/Drago. I see this going seven. But a win’s a win, good night in the Gahden.
SOX - Nice double-dreader, boys. Seriously, sacks juiced and nobody out, bottom 11, and the best we can do is Big Papi groundout and a Beltre 5-4-3 inning killer? It’s still early, but something is kinda rotten in Denmark, or Fenway, early this season, and I don’t like. They keep this crudfest up and it’ll be the most lovable, hard-working 3rd place team $170 million can buy! And no, I’m not getting mah bitch on ‘cuz it’s fun and I’m a member of the eternally unsatisfied. This team is in 2nd gear with the parking brake on right now.
BRUINS - No shit! 4 goals off “America’s Olympic Hero”, eh? Nice win, dudes. I think we might have us an other series around here, could be for a fun late April, right? Or at least keep us sportsheads distracted while the Sox suck themselves off, until IRON MAN 2 comes out at least. Hey - @TuukkaTime40 is friggin’ PUMPED!
Tough loss for the Beez in Game 1 Thursday night. Even though they were 4-2 against the Sabres on the season it’s no easy task against America’s Hero, Ryan Miller. It’ll go 7. There will be blood. And plenty of recaps from your SupahBruin, @TuukkaTime40.
And when the Sox get their head outta their ass we’ll talk some more ball. They’ve played 1/18th of the season, I know. It’s early. It’ll come together. Blah-Blah. I’ve watched 9 games so far. By and large they’ve kinda eaten hogass. They’ll come around, but for $170 million I think “Speed Racer” sucked it less. Well, let’s not exaggerate. Still...
And once again here to recap the game is the Townie News’ unofficial Bruins recapespondent, who many of you are now referring to as “mini-Fitzy” (dear lord, don’t wish my hell on him!) or “a Fitzy that actually likes hockey” (better, minus the adult bevs) - Ladies and Germs, Boys and Girls, Dudes and Dudettes, I give you TUUKKA TIME!
Hey Tuukka, get the Beez to the playoffs so big Tuukka can go on a run, maybe Savard comes back, and we can also film a special playoff episode of “Pocket Money” there. Dude, you should come be co-host (probably know more than me, like that’s tough).
