The juiced up, biblically ridiculous kind, as always we advise that all Pats fans...
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All that every single jock, journalist & jackass can do all week, no matter their forum, is yip & yap 24/7 Tebowmania. And I understand. It moves the needle. It turns heads. It sells papers. And people don’t even buy newspapers anymore! The guy somehow does crazy things on the field, is a winner, a leader of men, and from the jaws of defeat, when the odds are stacked against his chips...blahblahblah...SEE! It’s that easy to get sucked into it! So eyes on the prize; a favorable match-up in the Division Round. At home. With a well-rested Pats team - Spikes, Chung & all - with a clear path to the AFC Championship. This is what we wanted. And we gots it, baby...it just happens to come with some significant biblical baggage is all.
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JUST when we thought we’d seen the last of this nonsense...(thanks to Sheila Coffey for the pic, and Joel Dann for striking a pose for all Patriotskind)
But as much as we may not wanna deal with all the Tebowtalk again, think of it this way; his presence alone is distracting us from having to hear about the defense sucking like a Polaroid picture, or how we haven’t won a home playoff game, or any playoff game, in 4 years. Those would be the storylines this week. So we just have to let the media blow out their Tebowners yet again, and we get to fly under the radar and dream quietly of a Saturday night filled with first downs, GRONK spikes, endzone militia smoke, awkward Robert Kraft whiffed hi-5’s (still the best GIF ever)...PLUS, for being good, patient little Patriots boys & girls, we get a bonus gift of...ol’ Joshy Josh McD coming back to the house. Welcome back, Josh! Your slice of humble pie, as well as a copy of this week’s gameplan, are on your desk.
(LOLpats on the pic)
McDaniels brings so much back to the table that, whatever capacity he works in this week...offensive assistant, advisor, Burger King run coordinator...it’s gonna help. Billy O will have his focus and his eyes on the prize, no Penn State blurring his vision. But McDaniels knows TFB & Hoodie like he knows how to pick up a severance check outside Foxboro. And he also knows these guys, Tebow & Demaryius Thomas, pretty well, too. Something abut being the (short-termed) HC of the DB, I think. Whatevah, dood! Things seem lined up pretty fahkin’ sweetly for the Pats to go about biz, resist the parting of the Bullshit Sea with Tebowapalooza 2 all week, and then do their job. I’m not predicting a blowout or a no-brainah snoozefest. I bet it’l be a good game for a while. But if the Pats have ever had things align for some special scoring schemery...dood...
Oh, and a quick GFY to the Denver writer who pissed and moaned and definitely should have ordered some cheese with his whine yesterday about how the Pats broke the rules getting McDaniels back. Sorry guy, but there ain’t no rules against it, so no harm no foul go cry on your mommy’s towel. What a bitch! I prefer the thinking of one Jerry Thornton who opined (ok, maybe a bit heavy of a word there..uh, postured? OK, he wrote)...who WROTE that bringing back McDaniels is a slamduckaroo and everyone else can suck it. Well, that’s the gist of what he wrote.
Alright, I’m back to the lab to finish the first of at least 2 videos this week. In the interim enjoy this Toucher & Rich audio gem from Monday (it’s pretty fahkin’ pitch perfect), and as always...let’s go Pats, and GFY.
It’s a fact; LBDLLGFY (Lovely Beer Drinking Ladies Love GFY).
FTFR: The “Holiday Taint” is the 1/2-way point between Xmas and New Year’s. So now you know, schmo.
Hey hey hey hey...look who got tired of being 4th fiddle in the Boston Sports orchestra and decided to make an end of year splash? Big Ben Cherington busting out his brass baseballs and trading for a closer. Excuse me, a STUD FAHKIN CLOSER. Andrew Bailey! [in still funny vintage Tenacious D Jack Black voice] FAHK and YEAH!!!
Damn! Gonna be nice to have a stud closer that doesn’t cost a fortune, AND this puts Mark Melanoma or Melancholy or Melodrama or whatever his name is in the 8th inning role. Which allows Bard to give starting a shot. And allows Bobby Jenks to be a fat load and waste of money. Shitpops on Sunday, I think the team is coming together! Nice way to end the year...you know the year that ended with...yeah.
Moving On...alright, Patspeoples...get your shoes, gloves and Lebowski shirts; we’re going Pro Bowlin’!
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Happy to see these guys get their due. They’ve played their footballs off this year, and whether they play or not, and what kind of mood they’re in come mid-February (playoffs depending), they get to know they were recognized by fans, peers and pigskin people around. TFB, The Gronk & Welkah were the no-brainerest. Great to see Slater get the Izzo-nod, special teaming his way to Hawaii. I have to say I feel badly (well, it’s a relative “badly") for Hernando, who is quickly becoming a Top 5 NFL tight end, yet sorta was covered by The Shadow of The Gronk. It happens...but he’s still certified badass.
The first holiday delight brought around by the Patriots was obviously their big fat fahkin’ comeback win. I was about ready to tape myself to the TV, wrap myself in Christmas lights and dive off the roof after that 1st half. But what a turnaround...sparked by what was suposed to have been the nastiest, filthiest, angriest, NSFW-est Belichick halftime speech of all-time. Oh to have been a fly on that wall. I’d out that on my list of things in history I wish I was a part of...right alongside buying stock in Apple 30 years ago. But the win was nice...and now we get to down hangover Bloody Marys and watch the Pats play Buffalo on New Year’s Day for the #1 seed. Helluva way to kick off the New Beer. Year. Whatever.
Another holiday delight was all the pics people sent in of the joy brought about by giving and receiving some Townie merch. Knowing that THE GRONK, THE BRADY & KEEP CALM AND BRADY ON brought such joy to the good little boys and girls of Patriots Nation makes ol’ Fitzy Claus feel good...almost as good as ice cream & an HJ. Almost. Anyway, a few faves include Chris Chant getting a three-pack of TowniePats goodness. A championship-caliber haul. And just look at he child-like wonderment in his eyes!
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Then there’s Alicia Harvey, who proves hot chicks love hockey, Tim thomas and Townie merch, in any order. YOWZA!
And then there’s the delightful Sheila Coffey, who took her GRONK to the game, and then found a Giant Pink Gronkowski (rare the species may be) in the concourse. How exciting!
I’m always so freakin’ pumped ‘n jacked like a shirtless Pete Carroll whenever anyone shows off and submits some pics (preferably chicks, dudes acceptable) Townie merch (THE BRADY, GFY shirts & koozies). But when you humps take it upon yourselves to craft some homemade GFY paraphanalia (suck it, spellcheck!) I am honored. That’s some next level shit, no matter how phenomenal or fugly it turns out. And our latest entry, courtesy of GFY-pal Todd Smith, wreaks of all kinds of awesome.
The Patriots Tailgate GFY Dartwall. I’d buy the shit out of this. It’s too beautiful/absurd for words. A perfectly-painted ginormous Pats logo, atop an electronic dartboard for leisurely tailgating the day away, alongside the triple B (buds, beverages and burgers) before kickoff, placed at regulation height above a gloriously stenciled GFY. I’m just...touched? But now in the “inappropriate teddy bear zone” kinda way. It’s mantastic, and the Patriots should make sure they bring home a BFFW (big fat fahkin’ win) today just so this champion of homemade resourcefulness and tailgating goodness, doesn’t go home a loser. He’s already a winnah...no, TFB & crew, serve him his chicken dinnah...’cuz this guy’s a winnah.
Bullseye indeed...and if you have any more Townie News merch in action or homemade GFY pics send ‘em in to
And as always...LET’S GO PATS!!!
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