As I make my way into the heart of darkness that is outside Radio City Music Hall today, where I anticipate a lot of football-busting tonight with Giants, Jets and so much other untamed fankind, I thought perhaps a quick look back on all the videos we’ve made over the years might be a good time. Or at least a chance to not think about the Bruins getting knocked out in the 1st round, or how shitty the Sox bullpen is. Plus it gives me a chance to re-watch and try not to repeat jokes! So enjoy, and GFY. Videos reposted in chronological order. And if the word “chronological” is too big for you then you’re my target audience, so thanks for stopping by.
FTFR: The “Holiday Taint” is the 1/2-way point between Xmas and New Year’s. So now you know, schmo.
Hey hey hey hey...look who got tired of being 4th fiddle in the Boston Sports orchestra and decided to make an end of year splash? Big Ben Cherington busting out his brass baseballs and trading for a closer. Excuse me, a STUD FAHKIN CLOSER. Andrew Bailey! [in still funny vintage Tenacious D Jack Black voice] FAHK and YEAH!!!
Damn! Gonna be nice to have a stud closer that doesn’t cost a fortune, AND this puts Mark Melanoma or Melancholy or Melodrama or whatever his name is in the 8th inning role. Which allows Bard to give starting a shot. And allows Bobby Jenks to be a fat load and waste of money. Shitpops on Sunday, I think the team is coming together! Nice way to end the year...you know the year that ended with...yeah.
Moving On...alright, Patspeoples...get your shoes, gloves and Lebowski shirts; we’re going Pro Bowlin’!
Happy to see these guys get their due. They’ve played their footballs off this year, and whether they play or not, and what kind of mood they’re in come mid-February (playoffs depending), they get to know they were recognized by fans, peers and pigskin people around. TFB, The Gronk & Welkah were the no-brainerest. Great to see Slater get the Izzo-nod, special teaming his way to Hawaii. I have to say I feel badly (well, it’s a relative “badly") for Hernando, who is quickly becoming a Top 5 NFL tight end, yet sorta was covered by The Shadow of The Gronk. It happens...but he’s still certified badass.
The first holiday delight brought around by the Patriots was obviously their big fat fahkin’ comeback win. I was about ready to tape myself to the TV, wrap myself in Christmas lights and dive off the roof after that 1st half. But what a turnaround...sparked by what was suposed to have been the nastiest, filthiest, angriest, NSFW-est Belichick halftime speech of all-time. Oh to have been a fly on that wall. I’d out that on my list of things in history I wish I was a part of...right alongside buying stock in Apple 30 years ago. But the win was nice...and now we get to down hangover Bloody Marys and watch the Pats play Buffalo on New Year’s Day for the #1 seed. Helluva way to kick off the New Beer. Year. Whatever.
Another holiday delight was all the pics people sent in of the joy brought about by giving and receiving some Townie merch. Knowing that THE GRONK, THE BRADY & KEEP CALM AND BRADY ON brought such joy to the good little boys and girls of Patriots Nation makes ol’ Fitzy Claus feel good...almost as good as ice cream & an HJ. Almost. Anyway, a few faves include Chris Chant getting a three-pack of TowniePats goodness. A championship-caliber haul. And just look at he child-like wonderment in his eyes!
Then there’s Alicia Harvey, who proves hot chicks love hockey, Tim thomas and Townie merch, in any order. YOWZA!
And then there’s the delightful Sheila Coffey, who took her GRONK to the game, and then found a Giant Pink Gronkowski (rare the species may be) in the concourse. How exciting!
It was done. And it was at times glorious, and brutal (especially that 1st quarter - “Send in the cream cheese unit, coach!") But I’m more in the holiday season “Horay for us!” and not so much the “They can suck it!” mode. Believe it or not.
This is how I choose to celebrate last weekend’s win; TFB-style. (pic from LOLPats folks)
As we turn the page from this Sunday’s biblical win over Rocky Mountain Touchdown Jesus & Co., I don’t take the kind of delight in having un-deified and demystified Tebow that I thought I would have. Well, not entirely, though some might have enjoyed shutting up the biblical bandwagon JUST a bit...
If there’s someone on TV who plays football and they’ve pissed you off, and then they get theirs, leave it to Bugsy Segal to show them some GFY courtesy.
Now, onto...well, OK, one more...
OK, we’re moving on...maybe I didn’t get into the “We defeated Jesus!” / “Down with Tebowmania!” / “Where’s your god now?” madness mostly because I’m just so damn happy that a Pats team I thought was close to dead and maybe even heading to their own footbal funeral in The Dreadownlands back in November, is now (once again..ho-hum) AFC FAHKIN’ EAST CHAMPS! And I say “ho-hum” in jest I appreciate every title, every “hat & shirt game”, every TFB start, touchdown and drop-back as much as I do every beer; I don’t know which one will be my last, so I love the shit out of them all. Look at this rag-tag Bad News Bears of football (at least on the D) shit-squad. Somehow ("I’ll take Brady & the Offense Are Carrying This Team for $400, Alex") they did it again. And I’m not gonna get on that “One and Done” horse now, or ever. Nope! Uh-uh. Fahk that! Somehow, some way, I think this gridiron goofsquad that masquerades as a professional defense will come through...a bit. Enough to avoid a disaster ike Jan 15th 2011...may I never mention that fuckshow of a day again. NOW, as for the offense...
They were in rare form a Mile High last weekend, and we know they’re gonna have to carry us to The Promised Land...or at least past the 1st fahkin’ round. TFB is killing it these days. If I may say I think he kinda is back in MVP form. Who’s to say he hasn’t played as well or better than Aaron Rodgers? NOT ME! And not these dudes (again, ladies please feel free to send in pics of your lovely selves in our shirts), who wear their mancrush with pride! Like Chris Pollone...
Or Derek Schenk, who went full-blown Townie News outside the stadium, a GFY koozie complimenting his fine-ass BRADY shirt (he wants to lead our “BRADY across America” campaign, so send your pics in!)
As for some other things & stuff ‘n junk worth reading or watching...
“We’re moving on to Miami” as Lord Hoodie would say. Courtesy of PatsPropaganda.com check out the highlights from Week 1, a game I delighted in attending in-fahkin-person. Remember when Welkah scored a99-yard touchdown?
“The ideal quarterback is...Tom Brady.” Bet that had to hurt saying, eh T-Sizzle!
CLICK HERE to watch some NFL Films produced glorious Brady Porn, up-to-date and fresh for your Foxboro football eyes. Yeah, still kinda sort of a fan.
And now the bonus...for those of you who hate the Jets as much as love laughing at them, and good sports comedy, then please do take delight in this dandy fahkin’ clip from The Onion’s new “PTI” parody, “Get Out Of My Face”. There’s just so much to love about this I don’t know where to begin. But Sanchize deriders and Jets haters alike will really dig the goods later in the clip. And me? I think as soon as I post this I’ll just go back and watch it, and the Brady Porn, again.
Poor kid. Parents never shoulda let him be a Jets fan. WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS TO HIM??? ‘Tis a life of hell, hardship & heartache. FOR SHAME!!!
(cheers & beers to Robert Pereira for submitting this...and GFY to his parents for letting this happen to the little fella, and for filming it and putting it on Youtube so assholes like me could post it on their Patriots-centric blog).
Also - nice work here from Scott Currier. Any chance anyone gets to do one of these please submit to - NEVER ENOUGH OF THESE!!!
Enjoy your Tebowners this weekend everyone - and get ready for some football MONDAY NIGHT!!!
Wait...WHAT? A new Wicked Pissah Webcast?!? What the...
YES, this is a new webcast.
YES, this video is appropriately NSFW, as always & expected.
And YES, there are more where this came from. Like next week even.
Toldya’ once I got my shit together (proverbially speaking) I’d get back on the webcast train. And it’s puling outta the depot. Next stop: PLAYOFF CITY! Population: Patriots? I sure as shit hope so.
S’go Pats! Nice work last night, Denver...I still have a lovely Tebow-ner today. And enjoy your weekend and be sure to get GRONK SMASH’d, you humps. Talk to youz Monday.
Or made YouTube take it down, or whatever...BULLSHIT!!!...I wanted to put up something else funny from the interwebs with people talking about football. Considering all the pissing & moaning I do about football, I now feel kinda badly, seeing as this guy REALLY has something to gripe about.
Well made. Funny. To the point. Short ‘n sweet. I could learn a thing or two from this guy. Also I don’t feel badly. I love pissing & moaning...but not nearly as much as drinking & winning.
Also - seriously, whoever made YouTube or that user take down the Rex Ryan “Shut the fuck up!” video sucks. Sucks big time. I’m sure there’s some little tiny stupid legal reason they could do so. Maybe cuz it has players in uniform or is in a stadium after a game, or just plain-old damage control being done because Rex & the league “look bad” (personally I think it’s endearing and one of the things that make him good for football and why I don’t wanna see him driven off a cliff by Toonces the Driving Cat). That is NFL: No Fun League 101 right there. “Removed By The User”...yeah, should read “A Bunch of Overpaid Corporate Assrats in Fancy Italian Suits That Work on Park Avenue and Don’t Understand the Extra-Curricular Elements of the Game That We Enjoy Have Threatened Somebody Without A Lot of Money to Remove This Video or Else Have Their Life Made a Living Hell, But Please Continue to Buy Our Products, Drink Our Beer, Watch Our Game and Support Sending All of Our Children to Private School”. Total bullshit.
UPDATE! A couple people were smart enough to rip and re-post the Rex bomb video, so I have replaced it in the previous post and will be sure to grab it myself. God bless intelligent, intrepid sports fans with lots of free time on their hands.
Will Sunday night represent, as Jackie MacMullan of ESPNBoston.com predicted, the “darkest hour of the Brady/Belichick era”, or will TFB & Lord Hoodie rise up, bring their best effort of the season, win a huge win against the Orcs of New Jersey, stop the bleeding, and do what GFY pal Bugsy Segal does in all of his awesome pics (like this one below), FLIP OFF REXY & THE JETS?
I can’t predict the future, otherwise I’d be richer than Evil Biff from “Back To The Future Pt. 2”, which is kind of a shitty movie. ANYWAY, there are a few things the movies taught me...
And NEVER COUNT ON THE PATS!!! it looks shitty, real shitty, right now, coming off a rarely experienced back-2-back losing streak, and off a bye no less. And while the world thinks a 3-game shitstreak is upon the Patriots, I don’t see it. As well as the gaddam Jets are playing, and as not-well as the Pats are putting forth. They just...I’m not relying on old times and previous Patriot days. I just know to count on few people in this life to do what they do as well as they do. And that’s TFB and BB. We’ll see if the dynamic duo, alongside White Wes, Cont Gronkula, The Rainmaker Hernando & this OchoCinco guy I’ve been hearing about, can bring it Sunday night in the place (Meadowlands in Jersey) where happiness goes to die.
The game Sunday night...that’s what it’s all about, AFC Beast bragging rights and more. However this...this is only a test.
As recorded here, local authorities did their best to help to assist a distraught fan and avoid a second disaster Sunday night after a huge “crime” was perpetrated on Patriots fans moments earlier. Oh the pain...
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