The Flood’s Week 2 NFL Picks

Once again, TownieNews.com’s pages are graced by the celebrated author and sportswriter, The Flood.





The Flood’s season record to date: 7-7

Home teams are in bold

Buffalo (-3) over Oakland
As a general rule, I like to learn virtually nothing from Week 1. I think about teams before the season starts, get a general impression, and more or less stick to it for the first 3-4 weeks. I figured Oakland and Buffalo were decent, underrated teams with quarterbacks that would both benefit from a little stability, for the first time in their lives. Week 1 pretty much bore that out, so I’m not sure which is the better of the solids—but Harvard assholes usually find a way to come out on top, take the Bills.


Detroit (-8) over Kansas City
I like Detroit as long as they’re healthy, and between Todd Hailey, last year’s overperformance and injuries to the defense, I’m not big on the Chiefs. But wait a second—8 points? Really, 8 points? Ahhh fuck it, take the Staff Infection Redonculous Suh.


Tennessee (+6) over Baltimore
Joe Flacco took two steps forward in Week 1, which pretty much guarantees he’ll take two steps back this week, and be dancing with a smoke stack-farting “Skat Kat” (and Posse!) in no time.


Cleveland (-2.5) over Indy
Maybe Indy’s got enough pride to bounce back. Maybe Cleveland really does suck. And maybe hell just froze over, because I’m taking Cleveland as the favorite in Indianpolis.


Tampa (+3) over Minnesota
Another matchup of teams I think are underrated (Minny from a pick ‘em perspective, Tampa from pick ‘em and reality). Soooooo.....take the points?


New Orleans (-7) over Chicago
Remember when Rick “My Own Pasta Sauce!” Pitino and the 19978-98 Celtics beat the Bulls in the first game of the season, only to lose 5 straight and finish with like 30 wins? No? Well, remember it, Jay Cutler!

The Flood’s NFL Picks is Back for 2011

Season Record to Date: 0-1

New Orleans (+4.5) over Green Bay
So I was wrong about the first game. Sue me.


Atlanta (+3) over Chicago
Not exactly a controversial call, but something tells me Chicago is going to suck diddly this year. Which is exactly the way things would go in the third act if this were an 80s movie, with preppy golden boy asshole Jay Cutler getting benched in favor of the pencil necked nerd (Jay Baruchel?) who then wins a big game and steals away Cutler’s dreamy girlfriend.


Cincinnati (+6.5) over Cleveland
The Browns looked awfully good at points last year. The Bengals were terrible last year AND they lost Carson Palmer. But wait: Carson Palmer was awful last year. Did everyone forget this? Was this whole weird trade-retirement thing some kind of genius ploy by Palmer to make it seem like he was retiring out of some weird principle or pride, and not because he, you know, can’t play anymore? Bottom line: that’s way to many points for the Browns to be giving up. See Also: Texans, Houston.


Buffalo (+6) over Kansas City
Again, too many points, even against a crappy Bills team. Matt Cassell’s banged up, the Chiefs will regress, I’d rather watch the Royals play the Sabre Printers in a charity softball tournament than watch this game, etc.


St. Louis (+5) over Philly
Plot arc for the year: Philly starts poorly, is declared a bust, then manages to grab hold of the “Me Against the World” banner despite being a pre-season favorite, and finishes strong heading into the playoffs. Book it now.


Detroit (+2) over Tampa Bay
I actually like Tampa this year, maybe more than Detroit. But Detroit’s weakness is injuries, and right now everyone’s healthy. Dominican Lou and that D-Line look awesome...