How about today against the Steelers, especially considering all the questions and uncertainties and injuries in the secondary, the front seven step up and we finally see...
That would be a neat trick to pull, and a real treat for Patriots fans to see. Roethlisberger is great outta the pocket, on the run and improvising for his life, but the key to taking them outta their plan is pushing that mish-mash half-ass offensive line around. TFB will do what he’ll do, even with all the national attention and hype about Brady owning the Steelers, he’ll do his job. Now the D has to step up and share the load (heh-heh, share the load...) ‘Cuz the Steelers, well, Yinz sure can score. So let’s go D. Put on the Beef Curtain costume, be who we thought you would be, and let us focus our attention of The TFB Show, which always rocks the ‘Burgh.
Pic from the LOLPats folks...nicely fahkin’ done, doods.
Hope everyone’s having a fan-effing-tastic Halloweenie weekend. Seen some good costumeage so far, looking forward to a flurry of pics featuring people carrying cans of beer and buckets of chicken while wearing a Sox jersey. If hosting parties or making sure the kids have something to look at when they come by for candy is something you’re into then I’m sure you’re a George Washing Carver of pumpkins. Pumpkin carving is always a blast. Frustrating as hell, messy as balls, and it yields barely a snack, a stanky trash barrel, and a decorative ornament/fixture thing that decomposes quickly enough to attract neighborhood rats...but hey, it’s a Haloween fahkin’ tradition. Hence why I share my two favorites from this season, for obvious reasons...
Cheers & Halloween Beers to Ryan Austin for contributing that beauty...sends quite the message to neighbors and kids thinking of TP’ing your front lawn.
Said wonderful Pats pumpkin from @matthewjsampson as tweeted by ESPNBoston Patsperson @mikereiss - me likey!
Alright, it’s gameday. Time to rally up, sweat out the previous day’s impurities, then prepare to load up on “fun size” candy bars, cold beers and football. A true meal of champions. Let’s go Pats! Suck it Stillers! And with the baseball season now in the rearview all I can say is...
Nothing will erase the bitter taste of January 16, 2011 from the mouths of Patriots fans, or TFB for that fact (he still calls it the worst loss of his life). And nobody around here is dingbatted enough to think winning this Sunday will right the wrongs of that frigid winter Sunday of broken dreams and dashed expectations. But it’s hardly just another game either. It’s another biggun versus Sexy Rexy and his gaddam Jets. And the only way to truly avenge January 16th is by getting to the playoffs and knocking the Jets out along the way. And the road to recovery begins with a BFFW: big fat fahkin’ win, this Sunday, at home, against said gangrenous division rivals. I hate the Jets with the stinking passion of a thousand burning trash cans full of shit. And I can’t imagine anything I’d like to see more than old Coach Footsy and company push it to a 3-game losing streak. We have to win this Sunday. WE MUST AVENGE JANUARY 16TH!!
Hey, Hoodie and the Pats don’t get into the trash talk and the propaganda and the like. Leave that to us. More to follow, every day, all week, right up to, through and after kickoff. Because no, I ain’t got nothing better to do.
If there’s a preseason game that means anything it’s game 3, when the starters ("Dude, they’re gonna play the stahtahz for like 3 quahtahz!") play deep into the game and give us the closest thing to a glimpse into what our team might...MIGHT...look like. Not that Belichick would ever give us a genuine glimpse into what he’s got up his sleeve for the season. Does he wanna release the Kraken and let the D chase the opponent’s QB all season, a complete reversal of seasons past? Is this attacking aggressive D (a fave of your mom) just a decoy to lure teams into thinking it’ll be a one-note D from the Pats? Highly fahkin’ doubt that. Who knows? Belichick would be the best poker player ever, because even with shitty cards he wins money. He may not always take home the World Series of Poker trophy equivalent in football (the VLT, of course), but damn he plays the off-suit 2-7 he gets dealt like a champ. Except now we think he may have some pocket aces with the badass offense and the rising D (I know! I know!). So here are a coupla things I’m excited to see tonight...
TFB...always. Freaky Fahkin’ Sidenote Alert! - Check out how fahkin’ funny KSK’s Tom Brady as White Michael Vick is (in mock of that stoopid fahkin’ ESPN White Michael Vick article)...holy shit this is creepy and will stay in my head like Pennywise the Clown!
The running backs - I wanna see The Lawfirm show everyone he’s ready to next level his shit buy going right after Suh behind the line, cuz I think BJGE is set for a HFS: huge fahkin’ season. PLUS, we might see the debut of Shane Vereen, who’s been int he doghouse due to injury and may wanna show Lord Hoodie that his speed to burn is reason enough to get him some snaps (It’s always tough to say “snaps” unironically, even when talking football, just sayin’...)
The Tight Ends - Time to get Gronktastic and let the The Big Gronkowski show opponents what they need to worry about this seaosn; 2 all-pro tight ends on the field at any given time. And one of them also wants to do a cannonball in your pool, drink your beer and fuck your wife. GRONK IT UP, BABY!
THE BEEF CURTAIN! - Will we finally get to see Haynesworth the Horrible and Big Shaun Ellis in action, applying pressure and sending Matt Stafford running for his fragile and oft-injured life? Will they chase the Qb like Aretha Franklin chases carrot cake? Will they begina 5-month spree of keeping O-line coaches up like Jolt cola and crystal meth? I hope so. Just gimme a taste tonight, coach. We don’t wanna see the whole package! (hey now!) Just get em out there for a few plays and show us what we will live and die for every given Sunday this fall (into winter in Indy).
The Pats - Dood, fake or not, pretend of for realzies, it’s football. There’s a hurricane (supposedly) coming our way. And we’re all supposed to batton down the hatches (whatever that means), buy all the bread/water/milk/flashlight batteries we can handle, I guess so we can make Battery Souffle. And so what better way to spend a Saturday in a storm that drinking beer you were smart enough to buy in advance, and eating pizza you ordered before the rain, as a courtesy to the college burnout driver who doesn’t wanna be there as much as you wouldn’t either, while watching the Pats, in any incarnation. I can’t think of a better way. I’m ready. I’ll be on the Twittah all night if you wanna bullshit. With pizza, flashlight batteries, milk, my GRONK shirt...and beer from my store. S"GO PATS!
Welcome back, Patriots. Daddy missed you so. It’s been since January, a day I’d like to not speak of again, ever if possible, and what promises to be a long, hard-fought, entertaining, and hopefully fruitful fahkin’ football campaign, began last night.
Yeah, yeah...it’s the preseason. Most people don’t bother watching. Few are able to watch all the way through. Even fewer get emotionally involved. Not me...I’m all over that shit. Not as in “C’mon Pats, you gotta win this!” I just like checking all the new guys out (no homo). Hey, maybe that speaks to what kinda addict I am but football was back, even in its pretend form, and I loved it. Ate it up. Every last bite. And there were a few people who impressed me, people I’ll keep my eye on...my good eye, that is.
THE BACK-UPS - Hoyer & Mallett. Sounds like the name of an ambulance chasing law firm on the South Shore, but dare I say we have the best back-ups QB tandem in football. I hope to never see either of these guys in action this fall, except in mop-up duty. I’d even go so far as to say Hoyer could start for about 50% of the teams around the league. And a lot of GMs are probably kicking themselves in the dick after passing on Mallett. Homeboy can throw the rock. Fast. And far.
You see Mallett and the wind whispers “Bled-soe...”(LOLPats pic)
TAYLOR PRICE - Nice to finally see this guy in action. Didn’t really need him last season. Guess someone stayed in shape and read their playbook in their unofficial red shirt freshman year with the Pats. What a freakin’ bonus he would be, adding another receiver with hands, and some speed, to the Ocho/Branch/Welkah patrol.
STEVAN RIDLEY - When the Pats took a 2nd running back in the draft (again, not named Mark Ingram) we all thought “Who the fahk is this guy, and with Law Firm and Woody doing so well last year did we really need 2 more running backs we’ve never heard of?” Well, if they both run like this guy then the answer is helz fahkin’ yeah! Nice debut, pal - good speed, tough at the goal line, and a nose for the endzone. 3 TDs in your first (pretend) NFL action? Sign me up. If Shane Vereen is half as fast as advertised then we might just have us a dangerous running back group..to add to a talented veteran/youthful wide receiver corps...to add to a set of killer tight ends...to add to the greatest QB of all-time...
(pause to let football boner die down a bit)
Suffice it to say there was plenty to enjoy, plenty of potential on display, plenty of work to do, plenty more to come...but football’s back and the Pats are gonna be in BEAST mode all season. I got that feeling. Not just from 1 pretend game, you humps! I just got that feeling. Look how happy I was just watching a freakin’ pre-season game last night!
(pic fromWarming Glow, a good TV blog with funny shit you should check out some time, and then again)
Good to see you again, football. I’ll be seeing a LOT more of you soon. Now everyone enjoy your weekend. Watch some Sox. Recycle your empties. Be good to each other. Go fahk yourself. Etc...
And RIP, lead singer from Warrant, whose tapes were played many a time in my double-decker stereo 2 decades ago. As my buddy KJ said, “It tastes so good it’ll make a grown man die. Sweet Cherry Pie.”
I don’t know if you guys caught this press conference the other day or not...pretty interesting. Guess Belichick is gonna provide the sauciness Ocho Foxboro is choosing to leave behind this season.
It means the heavens are preparing fr something very very very special in Foxboro this season, friends. So get ready.
Oh...and looky who just nabbed himself a little front cover of the bestest and finest sports publication going?
They should rename it THE MUDDY CHICKEN GAZETTE this week.
That’s well deserved, and well earned by LD (Lil’ Dusty) and the Sawx. And so was last night’s win. to gut that shit out, after getting to bed at 6am EST in a hotel in Minneapolis, after a 4 hour baseball war of attrition with the Skanks on a Sunday night national stage, against a guy in Scott Baker who had a 0.22 ERA in his last 5 home starts? 31 flavors of kickass by Fenway’s finest. I maintain that the Sawx need to play more games when they have less sleep. They play sloppy early, make mistakes, fall behind THEN get pissed ans get after it. That’s baseball I can wrap my arms around (but carefully so as to nt spill the beers in my hand).
Also - someone posed the questin on the twittah..."Why not call it The BEEF-ENCE and not THE BEEF CURTAIN? BEEF CURTAIN makes me think of another famus D.” Well, @sureteri, the whole idea is to give the Pats D-line a memorable name that both is wickedly inappropriate AND pays homage to a great NFL team, that being Pittsburgh’s world-famous and wildly-feared “Steel Curtain” of the 70’s...but you knew that, right football fans? Right. Now sure, BEEF-ENCE! is also great, and clever. I like it! I really like it. I think that should be the chant when we want the Pats to make a big stop. But the D-line’s name on the whole should be what it is. And as we all well know...It Is What It Is.
OK, good meeting everyone. Now go fahk yourselves and let’s go Sox! T-minus 2 days till our first taste of fake fotball. CAN’T WAIT (fahk you, Bart Scott!)
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