As I make my way into the heart of darkness that is outside Radio City Music Hall today, where I anticipate a lot of football-busting tonight with Giants, Jets and so much other untamed fankind, I thought perhaps a quick look back on all the videos we’ve made over the years might be a good time. Or at least a chance to not think about the Bruins getting knocked out in the 1st round, or how shitty the Sox bullpen is. Plus it gives me a chance to re-watch and try not to repeat jokes! So enjoy, and GFY. Videos reposted in chronological order. And if the word “chronological” is too big for you then you’re my target audience, so thanks for stopping by.
Ladies and gentlemen: he’s got an MFA in Awesomeness and a Doctorate in Sensitivity. He may be out for the season after Tommy John surgery, but JOHN LACKEY is back with an all-new 2012 Red Sox Preview!
FTFR: The “Holiday Taint” is the 1/2-way point between Xmas and New Year’s. So now you know, schmo.
Hey hey hey hey...look who got tired of being 4th fiddle in the Boston Sports orchestra and decided to make an end of year splash? Big Ben Cherington busting out his brass baseballs and trading for a closer. Excuse me, a STUD FAHKIN CLOSER. Andrew Bailey! [in still funny vintage Tenacious D Jack Black voice] FAHK and YEAH!!!
Damn! Gonna be nice to have a stud closer that doesn’t cost a fortune, AND this puts Mark Melanoma or Melancholy or Melodrama or whatever his name is in the 8th inning role. Which allows Bard to give starting a shot. And allows Bobby Jenks to be a fat load and waste of money. Shitpops on Sunday, I think the team is coming together! Nice way to end the year...you know the year that ended with...yeah.
Moving On...alright, Patspeoples...get your shoes, gloves and Lebowski shirts; we’re going Pro Bowlin’!
Happy to see these guys get their due. They’ve played their footballs off this year, and whether they play or not, and what kind of mood they’re in come mid-February (playoffs depending), they get to know they were recognized by fans, peers and pigskin people around. TFB, The Gronk & Welkah were the no-brainerest. Great to see Slater get the Izzo-nod, special teaming his way to Hawaii. I have to say I feel badly (well, it’s a relative “badly") for Hernando, who is quickly becoming a Top 5 NFL tight end, yet sorta was covered by The Shadow of The Gronk. It happens...but he’s still certified badass.
The first holiday delight brought around by the Patriots was obviously their big fat fahkin’ comeback win. I was about ready to tape myself to the TV, wrap myself in Christmas lights and dive off the roof after that 1st half. But what a turnaround...sparked by what was suposed to have been the nastiest, filthiest, angriest, NSFW-est Belichick halftime speech of all-time. Oh to have been a fly on that wall. I’d out that on my list of things in history I wish I was a part of...right alongside buying stock in Apple 30 years ago. But the win was nice...and now we get to down hangover Bloody Marys and watch the Pats play Buffalo on New Year’s Day for the #1 seed. Helluva way to kick off the New Beer. Year. Whatever.
Another holiday delight was all the pics people sent in of the joy brought about by giving and receiving some Townie merch. Knowing that THE GRONK, THE BRADY & KEEP CALM AND BRADY ON brought such joy to the good little boys and girls of Patriots Nation makes ol’ Fitzy Claus feel good...almost as good as ice cream & an HJ. Almost. Anyway, a few faves include Chris Chant getting a three-pack of TowniePats goodness. A championship-caliber haul. And just look at he child-like wonderment in his eyes!
Then there’s Alicia Harvey, who proves hot chicks love hockey, Tim thomas and Townie merch, in any order. YOWZA!
And then there’s the delightful Sheila Coffey, who took her GRONK to the game, and then found a Giant Pink Gronkowski (rare the species may be) in the concourse. How exciting!
So, here we are, in the butthole of the week, the old humpday...a few days removed from a less than thrilling Pats win over a depleted Dolts squad...a few days from the Patriots invading our nation’s capital (which is a wonderfully ironic spin on the War of 1812...NERD ALERT!!!)...Belichick hasn’t cut any players this week, YET (he really does manage his roster like an 80’s action movie villain kills his own henchmen just to prove to his other lackies that anyone is disposable and no one is better than the boss)...we got no significant moves made to date by the Sawx at the winter meetings...holiday parties at hand, but no major benders or “make out with a co-worker and puke in a cab” festivals yet...thus what to post about? Well, here’s a coupla things I thought might help kill time on a rainy complainy hungover Humpday.
Our pal PatsPropaganda brings his usual array of fan-centric abject Pats love on a daily basis, but today he dug up a gem; Pats / Redskins highlights from 1996. I’m with him; I might wanna see Brady to Welker in these throwback uniforms, too.
Also, I know many of you have bought shirts from us of late, particularly THE GRONK (cripes, does New England fall in love fast with a talented white athlete or what? Something about that guy...), which we can’t even seem to keep in stock. But if you’ve bought from us, have the whole Townie shirt collection, might I recommend Pats Propaganda’s 1st shirt...
It’s pretty sweet, got one myself last week. DO YOUR JOB and buy a DO YOUR JOB shirt today (pretty sweet stocking stuffer, if I may say...and I fahkin’ did).
On the subject our shirts...keep the pics coming in. We can’t get enough pics of fans in GRONK & BRADY shirts. Of curse, ladypixx always preferred over brotos (bro photos), but hey, we’ll take ‘em! Like this one, submitted by GFY pal Terrell Wartenbe. Just look how pumped this faceless youth is to be GRONKing out!
And while we’re talking pics...we always ALWAYS will take your GFY pics. There is no such thing as “I’ve had enough of your GFY pics in the randomest and awesomest and most inapropriatest of places!” Nope, no such fahkin’ thing. ike this week we have a license plate for the ages (submitted by Brian Worth)...
If there’s ever been a state that needs that license plate it’s Massachusetts. AND Markus Vargo takes a more classic approach to the GFY tribute.
In random pictures I stumbled across news...I finally found my Christmas gift for the Red Sox starting pitchers!
And, I kid you not...I stumbled into a Staples and saw this sign. Interesting what superstar point guards and NBA players did to fill ‘n kill time during the NBA lockout...
Alright, let’s leave you with a laugh...here’s our funnypal Nick Kroll (from the fantasy football show “The League”...he’s an old GFY pal...oh, do you want me to pick up that name I just dropped? What an asshat I am...), telling a phenomenal story on Conan’s show. Of curse I’d like this. Friend + funny x poop in a car = WINNING.
Alright, we’ll “see” you on Bax & O’Brien Thursday morning at 8 in the Gay-M. New videos soon, possibly within the day. Go Pats, GFY, etc...
Will Sunday night represent, as Jackie MacMullan of ESPNBoston.com predicted, the “darkest hour of the Brady/Belichick era”, or will TFB & Lord Hoodie rise up, bring their best effort of the season, win a huge win against the Orcs of New Jersey, stop the bleeding, and do what GFY pal Bugsy Segal does in all of his awesome pics (like this one below), FLIP OFF REXY & THE JETS?
I can’t predict the future, otherwise I’d be richer than Evil Biff from “Back To The Future Pt. 2”, which is kind of a shitty movie. ANYWAY, there are a few things the movies taught me...
And NEVER COUNT ON THE PATS!!! it looks shitty, real shitty, right now, coming off a rarely experienced back-2-back losing streak, and off a bye no less. And while the world thinks a 3-game shitstreak is upon the Patriots, I don’t see it. As well as the gaddam Jets are playing, and as not-well as the Pats are putting forth. They just...I’m not relying on old times and previous Patriot days. I just know to count on few people in this life to do what they do as well as they do. And that’s TFB and BB. We’ll see if the dynamic duo, alongside White Wes, Cont Gronkula, The Rainmaker Hernando & this OchoCinco guy I’ve been hearing about, can bring it Sunday night in the place (Meadowlands in Jersey) where happiness goes to die.
The game Sunday night...that’s what it’s all about, AFC Beast bragging rights and more. However this...this is only a test.
There really hasn’t been much to celebrate for Red Sox fans since the team completed their epic 2011 collapse. Well, oddly enough, on October 25th, the day Theo made his migration from Boston to Chicago official, we might have gotten some of the best baseball news we’ve heard in years.
Without even having to make a move the Ben Cherington regime is off to a fantastic start! And if you’re in the mood to further enjoy the schaudenfrede then give this Toucher & Rich “No Lackey In 2012” montage a listen. It’s a delightful companion piece to our video.
We’ll be talking to you Thursday on The Bax & O’Brien Show, 8 in the AM, Rock 102, Springfield (http://baxandobrien.rock102.com/). Until then, enjoy THIS , you filthy freaks (serious Cheers & Beers to this guy).
PS - Kind of a big Pats game this Sunday, huh?
(pic from LOLPats)
And not as if you were, but don’t be worried, Patsfans...TFB isn’t going anywhere for a while. That said, getcha fahkin’ popcorn ready. Sunday should be a shootoutacular.
Guess this gives new meaning to The Beckett Bowl (courtesy Jerry Remy’s Bar & Grill)
Well, the fallout from Dirty Watergate continues, now with Jawnee Lestah being the first to come forth and admit he was drinking beer in the clubhouse during off-nights, calling it a “bad habit” (which is what I call it too), but saying it didn’t contribute to the team-wide malaise in September that lead to the epic shitting of the playoff bed. And while ol’ Lestah the Lefty, who I believe is a good guy and genuinely feels badly about this (unlike Awesome O’Cock) might be technically right, I kinda have to disagree. You can have a shit day at work, and when someone finds out you were drinking recently they might say “Well, if you’d have been taking care of yourself maybe you wouldn’t have had such a bad day.” And you might say, “Fuck you, Len! I wasn’t hammered at work so go mind your own gawd-damn business!” And you’re technically right, but Len the annoying guy from work might also have a point. Sometimes you (and it kills me to say this) might have to bypass the brewskis in favor of job success, team support, career goals and all that other happy horseshit. And while everybody loves the idea of a clubhouse full of dudes getting tanked on pop-top cans of shitty beer, using foul language, popping pills, spanking women’s asses and rippin’ butts like it’s the 70’s, those days have gone by the wayside. Game’s changed...and of course had the Sox got into the playoffs and won some games then we’d be paying tribute to the throwback caution-to-the-wind beers, buddies & baseball softball-style approach to the game brought forth by these Sox. Instead now they lost (dunno if you heard) and they look like asses, people we liked for so long with the tea have bailed, and we feel like we were robbed of what kinda was and definitely shoulda been. I ain’t whining...we got rings, wouldn’t change a thing. But this just looks bad...kinda like how the 2004 Sox would have looked bad if they didn’t beat the Skanks and win it all after Millar said they did shots of Jack in the clubhouse before games. Oh, but wait, THOSE GUYS WON. So yeah, you want beer, wings and bros before throws? Fine...just back it up and do your job.
Now, as a salve for those still gaping/healing wounds from Dirty Watergate and the epic collapse of 2011, might I offer some freshly-produced Brady Porn, coming in the form of the final drive from Sunday’s win versus the Cowboys? It’s vintage TFB at its finest, true KEEP CALM AND BRADY ON goodness. Who needs to edit together a season of highlights when he delivered a straight drive of highlights all the way to a win?
Ahh, there...I’m not even thinking about how those lousy Sox any more. I just want more football now. But seeing as it’s the bye week I guess I’ll just have to watch this again and again...until FOX or the NFL or both put in a claim and force YouTube to take it down.
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