Hey Eric Mangini…

Good luck pal!

Nice knowing you!

Great work this season!

Take it easy!

Best wishes!

Happy New Year!

GFY!



Hey, you reap what you and a broken down greybearded QB fahkin’ sow, Fredo.

It’s the Townie News Happy Hollydaze Ten Dollar T-Shirt Saletacular, Charlie Brown!

That’s right, Towniepeoples!  We’re hopping on board the “Our economy is in the same toilet that JP Losman’s head should be in” wagon and having a t-shirt sale.  The White Wes Welker and Seyton Manning shirts have been made an unbeatable irresistible $10.  Yup, just $10 a shirt, otherwise called ‘A Fahkin’ Wicked Good Bahgain, Dood!” Order ASAMFP and you can have it for yourself, your loved one or whoever it is you wanna buy a kickass t-shirt for in time for the holidays.  ‘Cuz nothing says “I love you” or “I respect what a ginormous Pats and/or Fitzy fan you are” like a White Wes or a Seyton Manning shirt.  So say we all.



BUY ME!  I LOOK AS AWESOME ON YOU AS I DO CATCHING OVER 100 PASSES A YEAR FOR THE PATS!



BUYING ME FOR THE LOW-LOW PRICE OF $10 SAYS YOU HAVE AS GOD A TASTE IN FASHION AS YOU DO FOOTBALL..

Also, the guys who carry our GFY shirts over at Supahfans.com are having some crazy good sales as well, with up to 33% off select shirts (and of course if you order and tell Kev that Fitzy sent you he’ll take good care of you - not like THAT, just...you know.)







Head over to Supahfans.com’s store HERE.


OK, stop reading and start shopping!  Hop to it!  Show some hustle!  Buy now!  Shop away!  Let’s go Pats!  GFY!

YAZ = Birth Control?

Umm...there's a birth control pill named after one of the greatest Red Sox ever?

Shouldn't any pill named YAZ give you a 72-hour stiffy or help get women pregnant with a single glance or help you grow a temporary 2nd dick in case tonight's the night you get that long-coveted threesome?  But birth control?  F U pharmaceutical world!  Name it SCHIRALDI or BOGGS or SAMBITO or someone else just not so historicallly awesome.  Someone NOT named Yaz, for chrissakes!

One sweet southpaw swing from Yaz and women within miles would find themselves...NOT pregnant.  WTF?

Booze + Sharpies x Facebook = YOU’RE FIRED!

Former barely-legal Pats cheerleader Caitlin Davis seen here working on her Sharpie technique.  What a nitwit.

Well, there goes everyone's favorite Pats cheerlita (cheerleader + Lolita).  If you haven't read about what Caitlin Davis did to her friend's face, and why she got Das Boot from the team, well, you should (thanks to WithLeather on this shit).  This goes back to Fitzy's Online Rule #35: When you do something funny that's wrong don't fahkin' put pictures of it on Facebook, especially when you work for the Patriots!

Also for what it's worth I'd like to let Caitlin know that Townie News and Team Fitzy happen to have openings for a Sharpie Artist as well as an Official Cheerleader, so Caitlin, you've know, if you get this...lord knows you've got time on your hands now.  And probably some purple Sharpie marks.

You Win, TFB.  You Win.

Here, I think a water-free bath will help your knee, TFB.  Come to your barely-clad Brazilian mama.

Well, more visual evidence of why even in injured absence and semi-infected distress tom Brady is the King of Everything can be found at my favorite sites, What Would Tyler Durden Do (wwtdd.com).  I don't know when these pictures were taken, but Lords of Light!  How did the photographer keep the camera straight, or find focus?  To make your day better, or a better day the best, CLICK HERE.

Then, if you aren't already in an ice bath (in the tub Gisele occupies in the picture above), or under a cold shower, feel free to check out Egotastic's bonus pics of Mrs. TFB from American Photo magazine.  Again, ALL REALLY TERRIBLE AND UGLY AND UN-LOOK-AT-ABLE.

From what we hear TFB's knee is getting better.  Once we get the "All Clear!" on that then you'll probably feel a stiff breeze behind you.  That will be the giant, collective sigh of relief from all Pats fans and Tom Brady ManCrushers alike.

Now let's go Pats!

Even in Defeat…

Red Sox Nation finds winners.  It works out like this (still funny days later)...

PLUS

PLUS

PLUS

MULTIPLIED BY

EQUALS

Long live rivalry.  And Sox fans who taunt hotheaded Yankee relievers so much they flee titty bars in a drunken huff and get pulled over on a DUI.  In NEBRASKA.

Cheers and Beers, Bob Ryan

Leave it to my favorite Boston sports writer, Bob Ryan, to put the series and season into the perfect perspective.

I hope all you bums, who must feel a little better after the Pats played HULK SMASH! with the Denver Ponies Monday night, read this and feel OK about it all too.

Cheers and beers, Bob.  My, how I'd love to buy you a few and hear some stories.

Question of the Day: Is a Bob Ryan ManCrush acceptable?

Please Stand By…

We are experiencing technical difficulties at Townie News.  Some of you may think this to be an excuse, that old Mr. Boston Sportspants here can't stand to be front and center, standing by his words and videos and idiocy, what with the Pats getting big wins their sacks grilled out west, and the Sox kicking ass on the brink, playing terrific like dick salad at home in the ALCS.  Yeah, 'cuz I'm sure I don't have much to say in the face of all this madness!  That's like saying, "Fitzy always can resist himself when someone offers him a free beer, or beers.  Or a slice of pizza.  Or a hooker."  Those of you that know me are well aware that this was to be a week of massive vloggage and bloggage and rantage and ravingsage.  BUT, the powers that be on the tech side of shit had some troubles (like the Sox pitching - alright, enough friggin' parallels!)  Short and not so sweet of it is we're having problemos, and we'll be back up as soon as you can say, "O-fahkin'K, here we go Sox, back to Tampa it is!"  Or so I hope.  GFY, let's go Sox, in Dice K we trust (sweating...fingers crossed...eyes closed...beer shaking...)

The Iron Sheik is My Hero and Should Be Yours Too

Growing up I went to the Garden and saw an assload of WWF wrestling with my dad.  And every time it was awesome (saw Macho Man use a foreign object to steal the Intercontinental championship from Tito Santana in 1986).  And f course I hated The Iron Sheik and his evil commie pal, Nikolai Volkoff.  But now, now that the Sheik has gone full-crazy-circle ("Break his back, fuck his ass, make him humble!") I am one of his biggest fans.  And now, now that I’ve seen this video, maybe I’m his biggest fan.  THIS IS YOUR REAL PRESIDENT OF RED SOX NATION, PEOPLE!

Big props to BostonWrestling.com on this magic.