Just in time for the playoffs. Who said we didn’t have good timing? We’re putting this baby into production today and aiming to ship them in just in time for the start of the playoffs. We thought about making a Garnett shirt, and then we considered Rondo. But come on, you can’t deny or forget about The Truth, Mr. Paul Pierce.
We were about to write the Celtics off about a month ago, but they turned the season a few weeks ago with some clutch wins and dammit, they’re starting to look like the Celtics of old. Here’s to one big, great final playoff push. We’re all in, and that’s THE TRUTH.
I don’t know if you’ve heard, but there’s a reasonably big, well-covered, over-hyped football game being played in Denver tomorrow. Yes, THE TEBOWL is at hand. And there’s only been a weeee bit of coverage surrounding it. Many websites have done their enjoyable Tebowmania round-ups.
Saw this on Pats Propaganda; some intrepid artiste at Macleod Cartoons made this beauty, which might be the most honest piece f fan art / humor related to Tebowtime all week.
How I’ve gone as long as I have without seeing the genius of SAD TOM BRADY is beyond me (props to @eganmike for turning me on to it). This pic is perfect for this weekend’s affairs.
So much has been made of “Tebowing” that Pats fans have felt the need to craft a response...and it’s fahkin’ awesome; GRONKING. Where instead of genuflecting on a knee in prayer you pose as if you’re about to GRONK-SMASH a football spike. Toucher & Rich had people submit “Gronking” photos, and a lot of them are tremendous. My personal favorite it this (faux baby violence always kills):
Then my buddy (and “Pocket Money” editor) Scott Fisher submitted this; apparently his buddies took GRONKING next level, with someone prepped to GRONK right on top of a TEBOW. These are the kinda people I wanna buy beers for, be friends with (no homo) and am glad In can call fellow Patspeople.
For lest we forget: GRONKING > TEBOWING
Speaking on New England’s new favoritest sports icon...local cartoonist Chip O’Reilly (great name, right?) dropped this little “carnival Gronk portrait” on my virtual doorstep...
Then this dude named “Sheep Guy” (don’t ask) whipped this little dandy up. Which gets me thinking that taking acid while drinking beer and watching highlights of the Pats while at a computer with photoshop might not be such a bad thing...
Hey, I dunno if you guys heard or not, but I think there’s a game of interest between the Pats and the uh, umm...wait...oh yeah, the Broncos this Sunday. Some guy is their QB, keeps winning games in the last coupla minutes, real holy ghost powered Hail Mary kinda stuff.
Good lord (Oops! Sorry Tebow...), I almost wanna thank TFB and Billy O for having their little man-fight on the sidelines Sunday just so the Tebowmania didn’t kick into full blown media madness come Monday morning. At least there was something else to talk about / make a bigger deal about than need be, for like a day or so. And BTW - if you haven’t re-watched their post-INT dust-up then I highly recommend giving this Deadspin link a click. I always love seeing TFB get fired up, but in this case to see him misplace the blame for an atrocious pick on House Party & the WR’s coach, only to then have his OC go shithouse on him? Loved it. Ol’ Tommy Boy was projecting there. Shoulda been mad at himself. Took it out on others (you know, kinda like mom & dad always do at the house). And O’Brien defended his guys and wanted nothing to do with Brady’s histrionics. Kinda cool to see some in-fighting, so non-Patriot Way ways. Shit, considering what they do and what they go through they need to hit the RELEASE button on the steam valve from time to time. PLUS, you can’t just let Brady, who IS the team, always think he IS the team. Other guys care, and they’ll fight and bite back. I liked it. And that O’rien got a call from his mom saying to watch his language? PERFECT! It’s great theater...and it takes some attention off the defense and their, umm, “entertaining performance” as well.”
NO SHIT!
In other Patriots type newsings and musings...this GRONK fellow, he seems pretty good. (even the NFL Network is calling him “Super Gronk” now). 15 TDs so far? He could set the 2-season record for most TDs by a receiver. He has 25 through his first 29 games. ‘Tis not a man. ‘Tis a touchdown-making machine!
As for the game this Sunday...well, here’s one way to look at it; by and large it seems America, or at least American football fans chock ful of envy, love to hate on the Patriots. And now, Tim Tebow is becoming the great American sports story (that can’t complete a 15-yard out). He’s the American idol/idyll/ideal. People are swept up in Tebowmania. So you’ll have a lot of people who already love to root against Pretty Boy & the Pats, and are fascinated with Tebow Time, rallying their troops against us. On the other side, cynics LOVE to root against Tebow, and for a number of reasons. I don’t hate on him. I marvel at how everyone chokes in the end and he does JUST enough to win. After playing like holy horseshit for the first 50 to 55 minutes. Like it’s all been pre-destined, and he’s a Chosen One. Hmm..ANYWAY...cynics love to root against him. Therefore making us the default team. And the Raiders and Chargers fans will be forced to rot for us too, for obvious playoff implications. SO, to summate, Sunday it’ll be:
America & Broncos Fans & Tebow maniacs - For Denver
Cynics & Pats/Raiders/Chargers - For New England
FWIFW (for what it’s fahkin’ worth) - The always entertaining Jerry Thornton, the only really readable writer type at Barstool, has a nice take on Brady versus Tebow. I know who my gods are, and I have to say I love being the underdog. Wait! Isn’t Tebow the underdog. Is he NOT the NFL’s David, armed only with a mechanically-poor slingshot, going up against the Goliath that is the doubting NFL, lead by its poster child, Tom Fahkin’ Brady? Christ on a cracker, this is great stuff. Sorry, NBC, you should seen this coming and flexed the shit out of this game.
Last coupla somethings or whatevers...
You people are buying up THE GRONK like people shop for bread, water & booze before a hurricane. I LOVE IT! Make sure to get your orders in ASAMFP so we can get ‘em out for Christmas, Hannukah, your parties, Yankee swaps and such. If we had shelves we couldn’t keep this shirt on them. But we don’t! We have a pile of boxes in a room...and they keep going empty because you guys buy all THE GRONK shirts. Nice work. And here’s anther satisfied customer...with a real Annie Lebowitz touch on the self-portrait.
And finally, I’m off to the lab to do a re-dub video. Then get rolling on a webcast (like I can let a goldmine like Brady vs. Tebow go by without having 3-5 minutes of inapropriateness to say?). In the interim, enjoy this kick-ass video made by my buddy Erik. If you’re a fan of rap ("that rap music” --your mom), the show “Boardwalk Empire”, or satire, then I think it’ll be real easy for you to get behind “Boardwalk Empire State Of Mind”.
And if you didn’t like that I’ll give you 2 options...
So, here we are, in the butthole of the week, the old humpday...a few days removed from a less than thrilling Pats win over a depleted Dolts squad...a few days from the Patriots invading our nation’s capital (which is a wonderfully ironic spin on the War of 1812...NERD ALERT!!!)...Belichick hasn’t cut any players this week, YET (he really does manage his roster like an 80’s action movie villain kills his own henchmen just to prove to his other lackies that anyone is disposable and no one is better than the boss)...we got no significant moves made to date by the Sawx at the winter meetings...holiday parties at hand, but no major benders or “make out with a co-worker and puke in a cab” festivals yet...thus what to post about? Well, here’s a coupla things I thought might help kill time on a rainy complainy hungover Humpday.
Our pal PatsPropaganda brings his usual array of fan-centric abject Pats love on a daily basis, but today he dug up a gem; Pats / Redskins highlights from 1996. I’m with him; I might wanna see Brady to Welker in these throwback uniforms, too.
Also, I know many of you have bought shirts from us of late, particularly THE GRONK (cripes, does New England fall in love fast with a talented white athlete or what? Something about that guy...), which we can’t even seem to keep in stock. But if you’ve bought from us, have the whole Townie shirt collection, might I recommend Pats Propaganda’s 1st shirt...
It’s pretty sweet, got one myself last week. DO YOUR JOB and buy a DO YOUR JOB shirt today (pretty sweet stocking stuffer, if I may say...and I fahkin’ did).
On the subject our shirts...keep the pics coming in. We can’t get enough pics of fans in GRONK & BRADY shirts. Of curse, ladypixx always preferred over brotos (bro photos), but hey, we’ll take ‘em! Like this one, submitted by GFY pal Terrell Wartenbe. Just look how pumped this faceless youth is to be GRONKing out!
And while we’re talking pics...we always ALWAYS will take your GFY pics. There is no such thing as “I’ve had enough of your GFY pics in the randomest and awesomest and most inapropriatest of places!” Nope, no such fahkin’ thing. ike this week we have a license plate for the ages (submitted by Brian Worth)...
If there’s ever been a state that needs that license plate it’s Massachusetts. AND Markus Vargo takes a more classic approach to the GFY tribute.
In random pictures I stumbled across news...I finally found my Christmas gift for the Red Sox starting pitchers!
And, I kid you not...I stumbled into a Staples and saw this sign. Interesting what superstar point guards and NBA players did to fill ‘n kill time during the NBA lockout...
Alright, let’s leave you with a laugh...here’s our funnypal Nick Kroll (from the fantasy football show “The League”...he’s an old GFY pal...oh, do you want me to pick up that name I just dropped? What an asshat I am...), telling a phenomenal story on Conan’s show. Of curse I’d like this. Friend + funny x poop in a car = WINNING.
Alright, we’ll “see” you on Bax & O’Brien Thursday morning at 8 in the Gay-M. New videos soon, possibly within the day. Go Pats, GFY, etc...
That’s right, you penny=pinching fucksticks! Just two days remaining on our t-shirt salestravaganza. THE BRADY - SEYTON MANNING - THE PEDROIA - WHITE WES WELKER - KEEP CALM AND BRADY ON - all just $9 (plus s/h). That’s a stupidly good deal. Take it from a stupidly stupid fella like me - only $9 for some of the best Boston sports swag around. Come Monday they go back to regular price, so get in on the action while the action is cheap. WHO DOESN’T LOVE CHEAP ACTION?
A $9 Townie News shirt is perfect for going to the game! Watching the game at home! Your fantasy team draft! Sleeping! Reading! Mowing the lawn! Sitting on your ass! Eating constantly at home in an effort to become a grotesque overweight man-beast shut-in, therefore necessitating the purchase of larger sizes on a regular basis! Whatever you wanna do, you’ll look better in a $9 Townie News shirt. Oh, you’ll look just as good when they go back to $12, but you’ll feel better saving that extra $3 (it’s my way of trying to put beer back in your hands, where it belongs).
Thanks for your business. Rock on! Seeya soon! Go sports! And go fahk yourself.
Oh, the plight of the Heat gets funnier with every loss. At home. Where they blow a lead. And gag in the final seconds. Then cry after the game. And then people make pics like this. Care for a cup of dickpunch, Mssrs. James or Wade?
OK, so, I know I’m supposed to be in my self-imposed “bleak sports midwinter” / “taint of the sports year” hibernation and such, but I’m getting antsy, kinda crabby even. I’m ready to fire up the engines of fanaticism, inappropriateness and inebriation now, really. I’m really getting into the Celtics season now (not that I haven’t been all year), but after the Perk trade and all that ensuing drama, and them rattling off 5 straight, I’m kinda fired up. Plsu it’s sooooo effing fun to watch and root against the Heat, usually now to see them gag n it during the final :10. Probably the best comedy on TV now. Mark my words: the Bulls will be the Celtics biggest threat, the biggest hurdle in their attempt to get back to the Finals for a 3rd time as The Big 4. Where they’ll face the Lakers. D’uh, come on now. If you can make a compelling case for how Dallas or San Antonio can knock them off I’m all ears and beers at
In other recent semi-interesting, space-filling Things ‘n Stuff ‘n Junkery...
I’m sure by now you’ve heard about or seen the COMPLETE NON-STORY that is TFB’s ponytail at Carnivale in Rio. Does anything speak more volumes as to how effing bored we are with sports right now, or how badly we need baseball season, March Madness and the hockey & basketball playoffs to begin that we’re TALKING ABOUT A PRO FOOTBALL QUARTERBACK’S HAIR IN EARLY MARCH? Really? OK, well, since I’m as bored as you are, and nothing if not a bringer to the people of what they want (and semi-professional idiot) then here’s video of The Brades trying to dace in Rio, looking like your friend who’s the DD at the bar on Friday and kinda wants to leave but is still awkwardly courtesy dancing for the time until you either get a girl’s #, or puke, or both:
And here’s the LOLPats take on it, which I think I heard was what 97% of all Pats fans said the first time they saw TFB’s greasy European soccer star ‘do...
SWCO (Shit Worth Checking Out): The LOlPats peeps have started up a sister site for Sox laffs, LOLSox. I was psyched to see it come up. Appears as if they’re going to be up to snuff ‘n par with the LOLPat action, too.
Please be April 1st now already OK yes please?
Speaking of Sox season and the anticipation and excitement and such, if anyone wants to go to Opening Day, April 8th against the Skanks, my pal and merch master flex, Coach Kev at Supahfans, has a ticket he’s going to give away, and a danm good seat at that, for the game. To win you have to stop by his store with the most SUpahfans merch on or own the most shirts, be the biggest Supahfan...I dunno. But honestly he does have a ticket to give away, and his store on COmm Ave is having a huge-ass sale this weekend. Check it out, get the newsletter, here’s the deets on their Spring Cleaning sale, with info on the giveaway to follow.
And don’t forget our KEEP CALM AND BRADY ON shirts are on sale for only $12 in the Townie News merch store now, fools!
For a quick cheap baseball laugh (read: “Baseball is coming and my fantasy draft is next week so I need to fill the hole in my sports soul with more baseball and possibly some humor") then give this read, forwarded along to me by GFY pal and part-time Townie News contributor On The Brinke, the 10 Best Spring Training Pranks In Baseball History.
And finally, this is awesome. It’s Conan at his absurdist best. And it’s Angry Birds, which you’d be lying if you said you didn’t like/play/obsess dangerously over. AND it stops the Kardashian pain, even just for a moment. This is lo-fi TV comedy WIN at its finest.
Talk to you on Bax & O’Brien come St. Patty’s, 3 sheets to the FM wind, 8:05 in the AM. With a whole lot to follow. Drink up, stay healthy, s’go Boston! And of course...Keep Calm And Brady On...and GFY.
Today’s installment of “Holy Shit, I’m Jonesing So Bad And It’s Not Even The Weekend Yet, So I Need A Patriots Fix NOW” comes to you courtesy of GFY pal Mike Maggi, who has referred us to a video as quick, shifty, tough, elusive and effective as the man himself...my hero and yours...White Wes Welker starring in: WELKER PORN.
Also - for the latest in 2nd hand Pats news and opinions brought to you by a 1st class jackass be sure to tune in as I join The Bax & O’Brien Show, every Thursday at 8:05am on Rock 102 FM Springfield, MA (rock102.com).
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