I’m resting and recovering, could use a Sox win streak through Memorial Day weekend to cheer me up, maybe a surprise Big Papi ding-dong to warm mend the broken Boston sportshearts (dude, you couldn’t pay me to step inside the Gahden right now - talk about a house of horrors!)
Rest up, drink up, go Sox. More soon, including some cool news and a new wave of videos (they’ll be different but I think I fgured out a way to get regular videos back into action, so I got that going for me into summer...which is nice).
Told myself I might feel better when I woke up today. Nope! Still feel like dick warmed over.
Oh where to begin...
I’m kinda with El Presidente on the B’s. Not the world’s biggest hockey fan but was definitely getting into the Bruins and rooting hard, watching the games, chanting “Loooooch!” and all that shit. And yeah, it woulda been nice to have the B’s keep going and see them bring some cuppage back to the Gahden. But it wasn’t meant to be. The bearded villain that is Scott Walker got his last lick, the ‘Canes kinda outhustled the B’s in the series (that damn intangible of playoff experience and veteran leadership) so fahk him and fahk them ‘cuz I still think the Bruins are a much better team. But it’s done. The B’s had a Fudgy the Whale of a season, and now more people have woken up from their hockey comas and gotten back into the team, which is right on. Little solace today to the die-hards, I know. But they’re set for the long run. Damn.
Then we got the Celts, who obviously felt so bad about stealing Game 5 from the Magic they must have wanted to let them have their own Game 5, but on their home court. Jesus, Shuttlesworth! Who does a guy have to blow to get you to hit one 3-pointer on a Thursday night outside Disney? While watching Bruins fight for their frozen lives that didn’t help or make anyone feel any better. They could have had that game, wrapped it up and preserved a whisker of energy for the mighty Cavs. Now ANOTHER effing Celtics series goes 7. I know they are a lionhearted Game 7 team, and it’s at home, and of course I’m psyched for it, but I hate leaving money on the table or wins in Whorlando. And to think the Magic dropped fahkin’ streamers from the ceiling when they won? “Congrats! We get to go back to Boston for a Game 7 and probably lose! Our coach looks like a fat magician and/or car dealer from North Jersey!” Fahk them in the Turkaloo. Let’s go C’s!
And then there’s Papi...oh woe is Papi. An extra innings Sox loss always sucks it dry. When there are more than dozen men left on base? That really adds an extra punch to the junk. But when it’s your DH, your hero, the Dominican Destroyer, the most clutch hitter we’ve had in years who lead us to 2 World Series, who leaves 12 men on base himself, going 0 for 7? Oh fahk me in the gashole! It’s just sad. SAD! People are going to talk about it, write about it, call WEEI about it, stew about it and be upset about it and they should be. I think...he could...he might be...I don’t wanna say it. but you know what I’m thinking, and I know you’re thinking the same thing. this video kinda says it all (from Boston Dirt Dogs)
But today is about bidding the Bruins farewell, and rallying up for the Celtics. We got plenty of Sox left (and time to ponder the endless tragic mystery of the disappearance of Big Papi’s power).
Here’s an extra video to try and take the pain away...an uber triple LossWash, if you will...
I only wish Big Baby shoved the kid down, dropped his shorts and steamed out a nice DQ large chocolate swirly in the kid’s mouth.
Dude, seriously, shut the fat dad up! What’s your fat kid doing less than a foot from the court anyway? Honestly, if Big Baby missed that shot, or had it been a Whorelando Magic player running through the sidelines do you think the parents of Scooter McMagic there would have filed an official complaint with the NBA? Rashard Lewis or Courtney Lee could have nailed the winning J, ran into the crowd and attacked all the fat tweeners and dads like the Spartan army of “300” and nobody would have complained. Big Baby nails the biggest shot of his life, runs a foot onto the sideline back to celebrate his achievement with his team, which kinda is his fahkin’ right to do since he’s the pro basketball player and your dad is an asshole ambulance chaser, and you guys call him a “raging animal”? WORST CASE OF SORE SPORTSMANSHIP EVER. I hope Big Baby sues back and calls the dad “a raging asshole with no regard for the boundaries between the athletes and the rich dickheads and their stupid kids on courtside.” Oh Magic, this has invited so much bad karma into your house it’s not even funny.
Also - LET’S GO BRUINS!!! Shit in the mouths of these cheap-shot Hurrilames. Nail ‘em Big Baby style.
If anyone needs some extra incentive here’s a delightful NSFW link of a certain pop tart who was abused earlier this year and wanted to make up for it by showing us that her clothes were getting in the way of the road to recovery.
...and everyone else who thinks the B’s, C’s and Sox aren’t that good and can’t do what needs be done (you know who you are, Norman Chad, you prick), why don’t you all suck on these.
The Lama says, “Goonga la Goonga...Bruins better get their shit together and starting kicking ice again OR ELSE!”
No way any of us saw the one team of the Boston Big 3 playing Wednesday that would kick their opponent’s ass being the Celtics. Not with the B’s playing with a “loss at home” chip on their shoulder, and the Sox facing Hot Carl Pavano @ home after taking two from the Skanks. And yet the B’s look shiity on offense and it felt like they were on D all night, getting swarmed constantly in their own end. And the Sox just stone-cold sucked. Mikey Lowell said the Sox had a lack of energy on the field (and if you watched the game and saw them let Pavano off the hook several times you’d say, “No shit, Mikey!") Whereas the C’s just rocked it from the opening tip and were in control against the Magic all night, giving the team the confidence they need and reminding all of us that it’s gonna be a series and they ain’t going out like that. Yeah it was must-win, and yeah Pearce hasn’t woken up yet, but it was PFS. (BTW - go toredsarmy.com and get the Rondowned graphic on the homepage - KICK...ASS).
Looks like my fingernails, beer supply and swear jar better watch out this weekend - Fitzy’s coming, and hell and alotta playoffs are coming with me!
I hadn’t posted in a while after the draft vid so I all things considered I owe a bunch of LossWash videos across multiple sports. Here’s a few to pass the day and take your mind off of the Schlox and Beaten Black ‘n Blue Crew...and BTW, get well soon, RemDawg. We’ll be saying good things for you, pal.
Oh redemption, you are such a fickle dame. And you can be but one game away; one night the zero, the next the hero.
Or in other words, HOLY FAHKIN’ SHOT, THE SOX, BRUINS AND CELTICS ALL WON ON PATRITOS DAY, GIVING US FANS A FUDGY THE WHALE OF A SPORTS TRIFECTA!
Fudgy says, “Now that’s what I call fahkin’ clutch, Ray Allen. And I should know, because I’m Fudgy the Muthafuckin’ Whale!”
The Orioles proved to be just what the doctor - the baseball doctor who cures you when you’re suffering from acute early season bed-shitting syndrome - ordered for the Sox. Some shitty Baltimore bullpenery, the spring awakening of the Sox bats and WHAM! 2-6 turns into 7-6, and though all the problems aren’t fixed (ie - PAPI, WTF?), they woke up and look ready to finally play ball and be, you now, the SAWX!!!
The B’s? The Killer BEEZ! Montreal, we owed you one. You got the last laugh last year, but in Game 6 in 2008 the sleeping giant awoke, and all season its been preparing for this, and a run for the Cup, and right now you’re just in their way. So kindly step to the side, get off the ice and nobody will get hurt, OK?
Dude, we haven’t seen Killer Bees like this in Boston since the late 80’s!
But that Celtics game...oh buddy. Oh mama! Holy heart attack, Batman. That was a game for the ages, instant classic ahoy. Seriously, sports as entertainment doesn’t get much better than that. And sure, the Bulls almost beating the C’s a 2nd time at the Garden, seemingly scoring at will and having their way speaks to many problems that could see the C’s booted from the playoffs too soon for our interest. And yeah, Rose and Gordon have shot the lights out in consecutive games and we need to put a body or a hurting on them bigtime. But wow - what a finish. And to think Jesus Shuttlesworth has the 2nd half of his life, hits the winning shot and gets to redeem himself in front of the hometown crowd after Saturday’s steamer? Fahkin’ basketball poetry, peoples. And sure they miss KG like I’d miss beer, and this series has exposed them and will be a hell ride the rest of the way, but just enjoy it for today.
Game 2 of the Eastern Conference Quarterfinals, Ray Allen changed it from “Jesus, what’s wrong with you?” to “Jesus, what a shot!” just in time.
Watching Sox games. Talking about Sox losses. The Sox season the whole. 2-6? Shitty starting pitching? Limpdick McGree offense? I...I...I have no idea what’s wrong, or how to describe how disappointed and pissed I am. I’m with Mazz from The Globe - the Sox are scrambling and it may soon be time to hit the big red button.
So anyway, here’s LossWash #6 - I can’t believe I’m saying this but thank god for the Bruins and the hockey playoffs starting Thursday, right? Les Canadiens don’t Hab a chance (nice, right?)
