The juiced up, biblically ridiculous kind, as always we advise that all Pats fans...
All that every single jock, journalist & jackass can do all week, no matter their forum, is yip & yap 24/7 Tebowmania. And I understand. It moves the needle. It turns heads. It sells papers. And people don’t even buy newspapers anymore! The guy somehow does crazy things on the field, is a winner, a leader of men, and from the jaws of defeat, when the odds are stacked against his chips...blahblahblah...SEE! It’s that easy to get sucked into it! So eyes on the prize; a favorable match-up in the Division Round. At home. With a well-rested Pats team - Spikes, Chung & all - with a clear path to the AFC Championship. This is what we wanted. And we gots it, baby...it just happens to come with some significant biblical baggage is all.
JUST when we thought we’d seen the last of this nonsense...(thanks to Sheila Coffey for the pic, and Joel Dann for striking a pose for all Patriotskind)
But as much as we may not wanna deal with all the Tebowtalk again, think of it this way; his presence alone is distracting us from having to hear about the defense sucking like a Polaroid picture, or how we haven’t won a home playoff game, or any playoff game, in 4 years. Those would be the storylines this week. So we just have to let the media blow out their Tebowners yet again, and we get to fly under the radar and dream quietly of a Saturday night filled with first downs, GRONK spikes, endzone militia smoke, awkward Robert Kraft whiffed hi-5’s (still the best GIF ever)...PLUS, for being good, patient little Patriots boys & girls, we get a bonus gift of...ol’ Joshy Josh McD coming back to the house. Welcome back, Josh! Your slice of humble pie, as well as a copy of this week’s gameplan, are on your desk.
McDaniels brings so much back to the table that, whatever capacity he works in this week...offensive assistant, advisor, Burger King run coordinator...it’s gonna help. Billy O will have his focus and his eyes on the prize, no Penn State blurring his vision. But McDaniels knows TFB & Hoodie like he knows how to pick up a severance check outside Foxboro. And he also knows these guys, Tebow & Demaryius Thomas, pretty well, too. Something abut being the (short-termed) HC of the DB, I think. Whatevah, dood! Things seem lined up pretty fahkin’ sweetly for the Pats to go about biz, resist the parting of the Bullshit Sea with Tebowapalooza 2 all week, and then do their job. I’m not predicting a blowout or a no-brainah snoozefest. I bet it’l be a good game for a while. But if the Pats have ever had things align for some special scoring schemery...dood...
Oh, and a quick GFY to the Denver writer who pissed and moaned and definitely should have ordered some cheese with his whine yesterday about how the Pats broke the rules getting McDaniels back. Sorry guy, but there ain’t no rules against it, so no harm no foul go cry on your mommy’s towel. What a bitch! I prefer the thinking of one Jerry Thornton who opined (ok, maybe a bit heavy of a word there..uh, postured? OK, he wrote)...who WROTE that bringing back McDaniels is a slamduckaroo and everyone else can suck it. Well, that’s the gist of what he wrote.
Alright, I’m back to the lab to finish the first of at least 2 videos this week. In the interim enjoy this Toucher & Rich audio gem from Monday (it’s pretty fahkin’ pitch perfect), and as always...let’s go Pats, and GFY.
It’s a fact; LBDLLGFY (Lovely Beer Drinking Ladies Love GFY).
Damn, this video, just like this bloggage, is long overdue. Who’d have thought it would take almost a week after the regular season ended for someone to come up with some certified-fresh, Grade-A Gronk porn? Because if there’s anyone who had the highlights, who maintains our interest, who prompts the cheers, who is legend-in-making (just read on from Sunday’s Globe)...really, TFB is the god but Gronk is a Titan of the first order and has become such a fan favorite, such a national attraction, such an icon...wouldn’t surprise me if his bronze statue of him GRONKing out front of Gillette is erected before Brady’s (no sacrilege intended). Irregardless, enjoy this highlightacular...and look forward to more Pats pron coming this week, both from other Pats-friendly sources, as well as yours truly and Team Townie News videos.
The football this weekend is such a low dose of methadone to the sweet sweet hit of premium heroin that will be next Saturday night’s game. Sure, it’s classless to compare a Pats playoff game to a lethal, addictive drug...but isn’t that kinda what they are, especially to the obsessive ridiculous manchild types like us? Right...anyhoopers, I’ve been jonesing all week. And while it’s nice to watch this weekend, get some football in, gauge the potential opponents next Saturday (cough - PITT), I just am itching. I can’t wait. And I’m gonna go out on a limb now and say I think they win and win convincingly. I’ll detail why in coming days, but it’s more than just a fahkin’ hunch. Brady’s motivation and drive...Belichick’s focus...O’Brien’s want to prove himself, even after his new hire, and the return of Joshy McD (a total no-brainah of a slam dunk and a gift of a move, after Xmas and all)...things, even with ur melted cream cheese frosting D, are lining up. Don’t call me a Black Eyed Pea, but I got a feeling...
(LOLPATS pic in the house)
Hey, all the luck in the world, Billy O. Who knew shouting at TFB would get somebody a bigtime gig, albeit one almost as toxic as Fukushima, as Penn State? Sure, nobody wants to touch that with a 10-ft Sandusky, but go get ‘em, pal! And eff Lavar Arrington and his big mouth. You don’t need him and his support. And neither did I (wink-wink).
Alright...enjoy the rest of your consumption, viewing and pre-Pats-playoff posturing, peoples. It’s gonna be a HFW: huge fahkin’ week around these parts. Send us your pics of what’s going on and what you’re wearing of ours...GFYs always welcome...and watch ut for some sweetass videos. Yes, videoS. Plural. It’s the playoffs. This is what we do. it’s our job. We like to do our job.
Our boy Bugsy Segal helping Billy O’Brien take out the trash so he can fcus on his job before trying to resurrect PSU.
GFY and let’s go Pats!!!
GFY pal Nicole Corliss-Williams is ready. Are you?
FTFR: The “Holiday Taint” is the 1/2-way point between Xmas and New Year’s. So now you know, schmo.
Hey hey hey hey...look who got tired of being 4th fiddle in the Boston Sports orchestra and decided to make an end of year splash? Big Ben Cherington busting out his brass baseballs and trading for a closer. Excuse me, a STUD FAHKIN CLOSER. Andrew Bailey! [in still funny vintage Tenacious D Jack Black voice] FAHK and YEAH!!!
Damn! Gonna be nice to have a stud closer that doesn’t cost a fortune, AND this puts Mark Melanoma or Melancholy or Melodrama or whatever his name is in the 8th inning role. Which allows Bard to give starting a shot. And allows Bobby Jenks to be a fat load and waste of money. Shitpops on Sunday, I think the team is coming together! Nice way to end the year...you know the year that ended with...yeah.
Moving On...alright, Patspeoples...get your shoes, gloves and Lebowski shirts; we’re going Pro Bowlin’!
Happy to see these guys get their due. They’ve played their footballs off this year, and whether they play or not, and what kind of mood they’re in come mid-February (playoffs depending), they get to know they were recognized by fans, peers and pigskin people around. TFB, The Gronk & Welkah were the no-brainerest. Great to see Slater get the Izzo-nod, special teaming his way to Hawaii. I have to say I feel badly (well, it’s a relative “badly") for Hernando, who is quickly becoming a Top 5 NFL tight end, yet sorta was covered by The Shadow of The Gronk. It happens...but he’s still certified badass.
The first holiday delight brought around by the Patriots was obviously their big fat fahkin’ comeback win. I was about ready to tape myself to the TV, wrap myself in Christmas lights and dive off the roof after that 1st half. But what a turnaround...sparked by what was suposed to have been the nastiest, filthiest, angriest, NSFW-est Belichick halftime speech of all-time. Oh to have been a fly on that wall. I’d out that on my list of things in history I wish I was a part of...right alongside buying stock in Apple 30 years ago. But the win was nice...and now we get to down hangover Bloody Marys and watch the Pats play Buffalo on New Year’s Day for the #1 seed. Helluva way to kick off the New Beer. Year. Whatever.
Another holiday delight was all the pics people sent in of the joy brought about by giving and receiving some Townie merch. Knowing that THE GRONK, THE BRADY & KEEP CALM AND BRADY ON brought such joy to the good little boys and girls of Patriots Nation makes ol’ Fitzy Claus feel good...almost as good as ice cream & an HJ. Almost. Anyway, a few faves include Chris Chant getting a three-pack of TowniePats goodness. A championship-caliber haul. And just look at he child-like wonderment in his eyes!
Then there’s Alicia Harvey, who proves hot chicks love hockey, Tim thomas and Townie merch, in any order. YOWZA!
And then there’s the delightful Sheila Coffey, who took her GRONK to the game, and then found a Giant Pink Gronkowski (rare the species may be) in the concourse. How exciting!
So, here we are, in the butthole of the week, the old humpday...a few days removed from a less than thrilling Pats win over a depleted Dolts squad...a few days from the Patriots invading our nation’s capital (which is a wonderfully ironic spin on the War of 1812...NERD ALERT!!!)...Belichick hasn’t cut any players this week, YET (he really does manage his roster like an 80’s action movie villain kills his own henchmen just to prove to his other lackies that anyone is disposable and no one is better than the boss)...we got no significant moves made to date by the Sawx at the winter meetings...holiday parties at hand, but no major benders or “make out with a co-worker and puke in a cab” festivals yet...thus what to post about? Well, here’s a coupla things I thought might help kill time on a rainy complainy hungover Humpday.
Our pal PatsPropaganda brings his usual array of fan-centric abject Pats love on a daily basis, but today he dug up a gem; Pats / Redskins highlights from 1996. I’m with him; I might wanna see Brady to Welker in these throwback uniforms, too.
Also, I know many of you have bought shirts from us of late, particularly THE GRONK (cripes, does New England fall in love fast with a talented white athlete or what? Something about that guy...), which we can’t even seem to keep in stock. But if you’ve bought from us, have the whole Townie shirt collection, might I recommend Pats Propaganda’s 1st shirt...
It’s pretty sweet, got one myself last week. DO YOUR JOB and buy a DO YOUR JOB shirt today (pretty sweet stocking stuffer, if I may say...and I fahkin’ did).
On the subject our shirts...keep the pics coming in. We can’t get enough pics of fans in GRONK & BRADY shirts. Of curse, ladypixx always preferred over brotos (bro photos), but hey, we’ll take ‘em! Like this one, submitted by GFY pal Terrell Wartenbe. Just look how pumped this faceless youth is to be GRONKing out!
And while we’re talking pics...we always ALWAYS will take your GFY pics. There is no such thing as “I’ve had enough of your GFY pics in the randomest and awesomest and most inapropriatest of places!” Nope, no such fahkin’ thing. ike this week we have a license plate for the ages (submitted by Brian Worth)...
If there’s ever been a state that needs that license plate it’s Massachusetts. AND Markus Vargo takes a more classic approach to the GFY tribute.
In random pictures I stumbled across news...I finally found my Christmas gift for the Red Sox starting pitchers!
And, I kid you not...I stumbled into a Staples and saw this sign. Interesting what superstar point guards and NBA players did to fill ‘n kill time during the NBA lockout...
Alright, let’s leave you with a laugh...here’s our funnypal Nick Kroll (from the fantasy football show “The League”...he’s an old GFY pal...oh, do you want me to pick up that name I just dropped? What an asshat I am...), telling a phenomenal story on Conan’s show. Of curse I’d like this. Friend + funny x poop in a car = WINNING.
Alright, we’ll “see” you on Bax & O’Brien Thursday morning at 8 in the Gay-M. New videos soon, possibly within the day. Go Pats, GFY, etc...
Will Sunday night represent, as Jackie MacMullan of ESPNBoston.com predicted, the “darkest hour of the Brady/Belichick era”, or will TFB & Lord Hoodie rise up, bring their best effort of the season, win a huge win against the Orcs of New Jersey, stop the bleeding, and do what GFY pal Bugsy Segal does in all of his awesome pics (like this one below), FLIP OFF REXY & THE JETS?
I can’t predict the future, otherwise I’d be richer than Evil Biff from “Back To The Future Pt. 2”, which is kind of a shitty movie. ANYWAY, there are a few things the movies taught me...
And NEVER COUNT ON THE PATS!!! it looks shitty, real shitty, right now, coming off a rarely experienced back-2-back losing streak, and off a bye no less. And while the world thinks a 3-game shitstreak is upon the Patriots, I don’t see it. As well as the gaddam Jets are playing, and as not-well as the Pats are putting forth. They just...I’m not relying on old times and previous Patriot days. I just know to count on few people in this life to do what they do as well as they do. And that’s TFB and BB. We’ll see if the dynamic duo, alongside White Wes, Cont Gronkula, The Rainmaker Hernando & this OchoCinco guy I’ve been hearing about, can bring it Sunday night in the place (Meadowlands in Jersey) where happiness goes to die.
The game Sunday night...that’s what it’s all about, AFC Beast bragging rights and more. However this...this is only a test.
How about today against the Steelers, especially considering all the questions and uncertainties and injuries in the secondary, the front seven step up and we finally see...
That would be a neat trick to pull, and a real treat for Patriots fans to see. Roethlisberger is great outta the pocket, on the run and improvising for his life, but the key to taking them outta their plan is pushing that mish-mash half-ass offensive line around. TFB will do what he’ll do, even with all the national attention and hype about Brady owning the Steelers, he’ll do his job. Now the D has to step up and share the load (heh-heh, share the load...) ‘Cuz the Steelers, well, Yinz sure can score. So let’s go D. Put on the Beef Curtain costume, be who we thought you would be, and let us focus our attention of The TFB Show, which always rocks the ‘Burgh.
Pic from the LOLPats folks...nicely fahkin’ done, doods.
Hope everyone’s having a fan-effing-tastic Halloweenie weekend. Seen some good costumeage so far, looking forward to a flurry of pics featuring people carrying cans of beer and buckets of chicken while wearing a Sox jersey. If hosting parties or making sure the kids have something to look at when they come by for candy is something you’re into then I’m sure you’re a George Washing Carver of pumpkins. Pumpkin carving is always a blast. Frustrating as hell, messy as balls, and it yields barely a snack, a stanky trash barrel, and a decorative ornament/fixture thing that decomposes quickly enough to attract neighborhood rats...but hey, it’s a Haloween fahkin’ tradition. Hence why I share my two favorites from this season, for obvious reasons...
Cheers & Halloween Beers to Ryan Austin for contributing that beauty...sends quite the message to neighbors and kids thinking of TP’ing your front lawn.
Said wonderful Pats pumpkin from @matthewjsampson as tweeted by ESPNBoston Patsperson @mikereiss - me likey!
Alright, it’s gameday. Time to rally up, sweat out the previous day’s impurities, then prepare to load up on “fun size” candy bars, cold beers and football. A true meal of champions. Let’s go Pats! Suck it Stillers! And with the baseball season now in the rearview all I can say is...
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