As I make my way into the heart of darkness that is outside Radio City Music Hall today, where I anticipate a lot of football-busting tonight with Giants, Jets and so much other untamed fankind, I thought perhaps a quick look back on all the videos we’ve made over the years might be a good time. Or at least a chance to not think about the Bruins getting knocked out in the 1st round, or how shitty the Sox bullpen is. Plus it gives me a chance to re-watch and try not to repeat jokes! So enjoy, and GFY. Videos reposted in chronological order. And if the word “chronological” is too big for you then you’re my target audience, so thanks for stopping by.
...Seeing as me talking hockey is like playing the outfield on stilts with a frying pan for a glove, I offer something I know something about; drinking and getting caught doing it on-camera.
Now that’s how you do it (nice snag by The Stool). Boring game. Your team’s losing. WHAM! Whip. It. Out. And. Get. It. On. Wonder if that was Tyler Seguin’s dad?
OK, I’ll stop talking hockey now before my pucking awful hockey knowledge shows it’s pimple covered mullet-haired head.
So, apparently Boston.com wants to get in on the absurdist Boston sports fan/vlogger/idiot routine, something I know a little something about, with this; AN OBNOXIOUS BOSTON FAN.
At first I saw this and thought, “Those pan-seared pricks! They would have somebody come onto their site, mimicking/mocking the Boston sports fans and his woes and ways, thinking they’re producing something edgy and fresh, which in so many many many ways is a direct rip-off of my *shit/schtick, and not ask me to do it?!?” (*it’s one or the other, depending on how you look at it - and for what it’s worth do you like how I think to myself in run-on sentences?) I thought I was going to be offended, or at least feel a little bit dickpunched. But then I read the bloggage some more...watched the video (or as much of it and the spectacular “editing” I could get through) and then realized, “Well, it’s definitely a horrible ripoff of my routine and such...but who gives a flying fiddler’s fuckwhistle? If this is what they think is funny and will help them stand out in the growing market of sports-obsessed Massholery, both made-up and genuine, then go get ‘em fellas.” Because if you’ve been ding-donging around long enough like I have, and seen as much awesome (championships!) and awful (some football game that happened in Arizona in February of 2008!), then you realize that the good shit will rise to the top, or at least land in someone’s email or on someone’s Facebook and not with the subject header, “Holy dick, you have to watch this because it is so bad and so stupid, and I don’t mean in the Rebecca Black or Birdemic way!” I’ve been called plenty of things by plenty of people in my time, but one of them’s not derivative. So I got that going for me...which is nice. At least I know, as far as loving portraits of, rants by, and satires of Boston sports fans, and our ups/downs/successes/failures/stereotypes/rantings/ravings/idiocy go, I’m an original...-ish.
If I’m gonna suck I wanna suck and be this entertaining...we should all aspire to as much.
So, in true John Lackey voice...WHATEVER! It is what it is...and it is crap. But I’ve heard the same before too. So rock on with your bad self. Has this come around 3 years ao I’d have had a bit more of a “How dare you?!?” stance. Now I can’t be bothered. I got videos to make and fans of opposing teams to piss off. So, if you’ll excuse me, it’s back to my preparations for taking my original obnoxiousness down to Miami this weekend to make a shitpile of videos and root on my Patriots and hopefully get labeled “ a cliched stereotype of one of those obnoxious Boston sports fans” in the process. After all I/we have earned it.
I can not even fathom how much time it took this genius/madman (one in the same, really) to pull this off. The design alone...then you gotta shave that shit. Wow. Bra-fahkin-vo, farmfellow. This tribute makes anything any of us have done or will do look pretty amateur hour. And I’m totally cool with that. Good shit. S’GO BEEZ indeed.
Yeah yeah, “Fitzy where you been?” - “What the fuck, no videos in like 2 months?” - “How’s the Bruins bandwagon feel, Mr. Tom Brady On A Mexican Waterslide Assclown?” - ALRIGHT! I hear you! I do. I had to, umm, go pay the bills and shit. Especially since I’m not doing POCKET MONEY this year (I’ll allow you a moment to compose yourself over this tragic loss). But we’re getting the band back together. And by the band I mean I’ll have some time to kick the tires and light some GFY fires. Heck, maybe I’ll make a video or 3 with a couple laughs in them over the next few weeks. YOU JUST NEVER KNOW, YOU FAHKIN’ HUMPS!
Anyhoosiers...I’m as psyched for the Stanley Cup Finals as any bandwagon-jumping, genuine fan who just doesn’t watch every game and will freely admit hockey is his #4 sport of the 4 majors in Boston (stop kidding yourself, Revs fans). I am. I really can’t fahkin’ wait. it’s the most excited I’ve been for hockey and the Beez since the days of Lemelin and Moog (no, I didn’t have to look those names up, thank you!) It’s gonna be puckin’ awesome, and I think the Bruins can do it. My call? Beez in 7. Whatchoo got?
So yeah, let’s fahkin’ do this, Beez! The city of Boston’s streets are aching for another of Menino’s famous “Wolling Wally” duckboataculars.
And yes, I’ll be on Bax & O’Brien, Rock 102 Springfield (rock102.com) Thursday at 8am to recap Game 1, talk some Sox, bring some opinionated misinformation to the masses.
And double-yes, I meant it when I said lots of new videos soon.
I made my last appearance on The Bax & O’Brien Show for a month on Thurs Feb 10th, as I prep for my annual sports hibernation/pre=spring training powernap (if you wanna listen to any previous Bax & O’Brien audio disasterpieces of mine then CLICK HERE). A long season of Pats madness, especially one that ends in dickpuncheriffic fashion like this past one, does take its toll on a hump like myself. So as to rest, refresh, recharge and a bunch of other R words that mean mostly good things, I take to my annual retreat. Not that I’ve been making videos at a breakneck pace or posting 5 times daily or nothing. But in order to bring you, the fans, freaks and fuckheads, the highest-quality low-brow sports commentary and such this coming year then it’s best to go back to the lab for a bit. We know the C’s and Beez are gonna make the playoffs, and with that comes a lot of viewing, chirping, drinking, bitching, worrying and tweeting, plus there’s the NFL Draft (and I need to think of something ut of this world for April 2011 because the Jets fans are gonna come after me worse than ever this year). AND, much like I imagine is the case for you I’m so friggin’ excited for the upcoming Sox season it’s ridiculous. Just foolishly excited, and I don’t want to get my Sox off before it’s time. Got a TON of new videos lined up for the season, so best to remember it’s a marathon, not a sprint, people.
A picture of Fitzy, taken right after the Pats devastating playoff loss to the gaddam Jets.
This isn’t to say there’l be a total shutdown. No, the reactor core would melt and there would be foolishness and toxic inappropriateness spilling all over. I’ll be sure to regularly drop nonsense on the Twitter (@fitzygfy) and Facebook (facebook.com/fitzygfy - be sure to LIKE me...which sounds so dumb). There might well be a 3rd season of POCKET MONEY coming down the pipe, thus allowing me to continue my repayment and restitution to all you goons who have tuned in and supported over the past coupla years. And if it comes to be stay tuned for dates, times locations and such so we can give away as much of Uncle NESN’s money as possible. I’m back on Bax & O’Brien come St. Patrick’s Day. Hoping to organize a few shows in the area this spring and summer. New merch. Holy nutfarts, it’s gonna be a HUGE year. So drink up, KEEP CALM AND BRADY ON, Pats fans, stay tuned, party on and talk soon. And hopefully we’ll all be rocking it like a trick show UConn QB in no time.
