I’m Jim Rice, bitch! Now get my ass where it belongs - into the Hall of Fame!
Follow this link and get old Jim Rice, one of the greatest Sox players ever, and one of baseball’s most underappreciated sluggers, where he belongs; in Cooperstown. How many others with numbers in the neighborhood of Jim Ed have seen their name on a plaque, heard their number called while Rice, one of the AL’s most feared hitters for over a decade, sits on the sidelines? This, my good friends, is some old bullshit! Just look at his stats! In an age where pitchers were better and the balls and the players weren’t juiced, no less. I mean, the guy deserves to be in the Hall of Fame for wearing sunglasses in studio on NESN doing postgame analysis if nothing else!
Day, Night, Inside, Outside - Jim Rice wears his sunglasses when and where he wants to, bitches!
Let’s right this wrong and do the Sox right (especially on a day where the Skanks sign their latest high-priced humpface, those Pinstriped pricks!)
Goodbye Covelli, Hello Ramon Ramirez. A friend from KC just texted me that Coco is going to the Royals for Ramon Ramirez. Hmm...don't know how I feel about that one yet. Guess we know where bullpen help/the guy who might take over for Masterson's coming from.
Adios, Coco. The hit in the 8th of Game 5 of the ALCS is how I'll remember you best.
Shouldn't any pill named YAZ give you a 72-hour stiffy or help get women pregnant with a single glance or help you grow a temporary 2nd dick in case tonight's the night you get that long-coveted threesome? But birth control? F U pharmaceutical world! Name it SCHIRALDI or BOGGS or SAMBITO or someone else just not so historicallly awesome. Someone NOT named Yaz, for chrissakes!
One sweet southpaw swing from Yaz and women within miles would find themselves...NOT pregnant. WTF?
Red Sox Nation finds winners. It works out like this (still funny days later)...
PLUS
PLUS
PLUS
MULTIPLIED BY
EQUALS
Long live rivalry. And Sox fans who taunt hotheaded Yankee relievers so much they flee titty bars in a drunken huff and get pulled over on a DUI. In NEBRASKA.
I hope all you bums, who must feel a little better after the Pats played HULK SMASH! with the Denver Ponies Monday night, read this and feel OK about it all too.
Cheers and beers, Bob. My, how I'd love to buy you a few and hear some stories.
Question of the Day: Is a Bob Ryan ManCrush acceptable?
I know everyone keeps saying "Hang in there, but this BLOWS!"
Sox fans, there's no denying that getting knocked out of the playoffs. On the road. In a Game 7. Of the ALCS. To Tampa. SUCKS. After the monumental Game 5 comeback, and a well-rounded Game 6 win, it made perfect sense to think, not EXPECT, to think we could be seeing what we've seen a couple times already this decade. But they still have to play the games, and every other douchebagerrific cliche that Buck Martinez likes to utter. And the Rays broke from the script, re-wrote history, and now have a chance to go from worst to first PLUS Champs. Which blows my mind. But they won, and we lost. So you tip your cap, wish 'em well, lick your wounds, blah blah blah...HOWEVER, this guy and his stupid mouthpiece and cowbell can lick mah ballz!
I'm not ready to dissect the season, analyze every move made and look for people to throw under the bus. Fuck the microscope we're supposed to put the game and the players and the team under. It's done. It sucks, but it's done. It was a helluva season, a great ALCS with a shitty finish, but all in all a damn fine and fun baseball season. And as far as Im concerned if you're a Pats fan too then you should be checking the clock soon and often, waiting for the work whistle to blow so you can get your ass home and root on the struggling and beloved footballers of Foxboro. Save a Time Machine and the ability to make somebody drive in some of the runners the Sox left on in innings 7-9 in Game 7, there's nothing I'd love more thana big fat Pats win tonight. Like finding $5 in your pocket, surprise sex, and leftover pizza in the fridge you didn't know was there, it'd provide a nice lift.
Hey Matt Cassel - I refuse for this to be the title to your 2008 Patriots biography. Now LET'S GO PATS!
True to my word in an email to friends about yesterday’s post, I’ll be blogging after every game from here on out, hopefully for another week or so. (That email also featured multiple typos, including a misspelling of TownieNews.com. My publicity director days are numbered.)
I watched the game at Maison Jawff-Man last night. Here are some thoughts from the two of us (his are the funny/insightful ones):
--I’m not even going to mention TBS’ technical difficulties. I’m not going to talk about the Twilight Zone feeling of tuning in at 7:55 to find a BBC bloopers clip show hosted by Dick Clark and a lady who apparently was on the Hughleys (when did that show air, like 5 years ago?) but who I only remembered from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Or the shock of that show ending and an episode of the Steve Harvey show coming on—seriously, I’d rather have Paul Harvey at that point.
I won’t dwell on what it felt like to log on to mlb.com, tbs.com and espn.com and find no mention of whateverthehell was going on (thank you Boston.com for being on top of things). Nope, I won’t even mention how technical difficulties are understandable, but cutting to a crappy re-run that probably 50 people watched when it first aired instead of finding someone, SOMEWHERE to at least do audio-play-by-play and explain what the hell was happening in the most anticipated baseball game since Game 1 of last year’s series or game 6 or 7 of last year’s ALCS is completely inexcusable. (I don’t care if the entire Atlanta TBS headquarters were down, you can’t find a guy with a cellphone at the game to call in to CNN headquarters and broadcast the audio on TBS? I don’t buy it.) Or how glad I was we had a radio to listen to, unlike 700 people at the Cask 'n Flagon, which must have been bordering on Thunderdome-territory by 8:20 PM. Nope, you won’t hear a peep out of me about any of that.
