So, here we are, in the butthole of the week, the old humpday...a few days removed from a less than thrilling Pats win over a depleted Dolts squad...a few days from the Patriots invading our nation’s capital (which is a wonderfully ironic spin on the War of 1812...NERD ALERT!!!)...Belichick hasn’t cut any players this week, YET (he really does manage his roster like an 80’s action movie villain kills his own henchmen just to prove to his other lackies that anyone is disposable and no one is better than the boss)...we got no significant moves made to date by the Sawx at the winter meetings...holiday parties at hand, but no major benders or “make out with a co-worker and puke in a cab” festivals yet...thus what to post about? Well, here’s a coupla things I thought might help kill time on a rainy complainy hungover Humpday.
Our pal PatsPropaganda brings his usual array of fan-centric abject Pats love on a daily basis, but today he dug up a gem; Pats / Redskins highlights from 1996. I’m with him; I might wanna see Brady to Welker in these throwback uniforms, too.
Also, I know many of you have bought shirts from us of late, particularly THE GRONK (cripes, does New England fall in love fast with a talented white athlete or what? Something about that guy...), which we can’t even seem to keep in stock. But if you’ve bought from us, have the whole Townie shirt collection, might I recommend Pats Propaganda’s 1st shirt...
It’s pretty sweet, got one myself last week. DO YOUR JOB and buy a DO YOUR JOB shirt today (pretty sweet stocking stuffer, if I may say...and I fahkin’ did).
On the subject our shirts...keep the pics coming in. We can’t get enough pics of fans in GRONK & BRADY shirts. Of curse, ladypixx always preferred over brotos (bro photos), but hey, we’ll take ‘em! Like this one, submitted by GFY pal Terrell Wartenbe. Just look how pumped this faceless youth is to be GRONKing out!
And while we’re talking pics...we always ALWAYS will take your GFY pics. There is no such thing as “I’ve had enough of your GFY pics in the randomest and awesomest and most inapropriatest of places!” Nope, no such fahkin’ thing. ike this week we have a license plate for the ages (submitted by Brian Worth)...
If there’s ever been a state that needs that license plate it’s Massachusetts. AND Markus Vargo takes a more classic approach to the GFY tribute.
In random pictures I stumbled across news...I finally found my Christmas gift for the Red Sox starting pitchers!
And, I kid you not...I stumbled into a Staples and saw this sign. Interesting what superstar point guards and NBA players did to fill ‘n kill time during the NBA lockout...
Alright, let’s leave you with a laugh...here’s our funnypal Nick Kroll (from the fantasy football show “The League”...he’s an old GFY pal...oh, do you want me to pick up that name I just dropped? What an asshat I am...), telling a phenomenal story on Conan’s show. Of curse I’d like this. Friend + funny x poop in a car = WINNING.
Alright, we’ll “see” you on Bax & O’Brien Thursday morning at 8 in the Gay-M. New videos soon, possibly within the day. Go Pats, GFY, etc...
Will Sunday night represent, as Jackie MacMullan of ESPNBoston.com predicted, the “darkest hour of the Brady/Belichick era”, or will TFB & Lord Hoodie rise up, bring their best effort of the season, win a huge win against the Orcs of New Jersey, stop the bleeding, and do what GFY pal Bugsy Segal does in all of his awesome pics (like this one below), FLIP OFF REXY & THE JETS?
I can’t predict the future, otherwise I’d be richer than Evil Biff from “Back To The Future Pt. 2”, which is kind of a shitty movie. ANYWAY, there are a few things the movies taught me...
And NEVER COUNT ON THE PATS!!! it looks shitty, real shitty, right now, coming off a rarely experienced back-2-back losing streak, and off a bye no less. And while the world thinks a 3-game shitstreak is upon the Patriots, I don’t see it. As well as the gaddam Jets are playing, and as not-well as the Pats are putting forth. They just...I’m not relying on old times and previous Patriot days. I just know to count on few people in this life to do what they do as well as they do. And that’s TFB and BB. We’ll see if the dynamic duo, alongside White Wes, Cont Gronkula, The Rainmaker Hernando & this OchoCinco guy I’ve been hearing about, can bring it Sunday night in the place (Meadowlands in Jersey) where happiness goes to die.
The game Sunday night...that’s what it’s all about, AFC Beast bragging rights and more. However this...this is only a test.
How about today against the Steelers, especially considering all the questions and uncertainties and injuries in the secondary, the front seven step up and we finally see...
That would be a neat trick to pull, and a real treat for Patriots fans to see. Roethlisberger is great outta the pocket, on the run and improvising for his life, but the key to taking them outta their plan is pushing that mish-mash half-ass offensive line around. TFB will do what he’ll do, even with all the national attention and hype about Brady owning the Steelers, he’ll do his job. Now the D has to step up and share the load (heh-heh, share the load...) ‘Cuz the Steelers, well, Yinz sure can score. So let’s go D. Put on the Beef Curtain costume, be who we thought you would be, and let us focus our attention of The TFB Show, which always rocks the ‘Burgh.
Pic from the LOLPats folks...nicely fahkin’ done, doods.
Hope everyone’s having a fan-effing-tastic Halloweenie weekend. Seen some good costumeage so far, looking forward to a flurry of pics featuring people carrying cans of beer and buckets of chicken while wearing a Sox jersey. If hosting parties or making sure the kids have something to look at when they come by for candy is something you’re into then I’m sure you’re a George Washing Carver of pumpkins. Pumpkin carving is always a blast. Frustrating as hell, messy as balls, and it yields barely a snack, a stanky trash barrel, and a decorative ornament/fixture thing that decomposes quickly enough to attract neighborhood rats...but hey, it’s a Haloween fahkin’ tradition. Hence why I share my two favorites from this season, for obvious reasons...
Cheers & Halloween Beers to Ryan Austin for contributing that beauty...sends quite the message to neighbors and kids thinking of TP’ing your front lawn.
Said wonderful Pats pumpkin from @matthewjsampson as tweeted by ESPNBoston Patsperson @mikereiss - me likey!
Alright, it’s gameday. Time to rally up, sweat out the previous day’s impurities, then prepare to load up on “fun size” candy bars, cold beers and football. A true meal of champions. Let’s go Pats! Suck it Stillers! And with the baseball season now in the rearview all I can say is...
There really hasn’t been much to celebrate for Red Sox fans since the team completed their epic 2011 collapse. Well, oddly enough, on October 25th, the day Theo made his migration from Boston to Chicago official, we might have gotten some of the best baseball news we’ve heard in years.
Without even having to make a move the Ben Cherington regime is off to a fantastic start! And if you’re in the mood to further enjoy the schaudenfrede then give this Toucher & Rich “No Lackey In 2012” montage a listen. It’s a delightful companion piece to our video.
We’ll be talking to you Thursday on The Bax & O’Brien Show, 8 in the AM, Rock 102, Springfield (http://baxandobrien.rock102.com/). Until then, enjoy THIS , you filthy freaks (serious Cheers & Beers to this guy).
PS - Kind of a big Pats game this Sunday, huh?
(pic from LOLPats)
And not as if you were, but don’t be worried, Patsfans...TFB isn’t going anywhere for a while. That said, getcha fahkin’ popcorn ready. Sunday should be a shootoutacular.
Guess this gives new meaning to The Beckett Bowl (courtesy Jerry Remy’s Bar & Grill)
Well, the fallout from Dirty Watergate continues, now with Jawnee Lestah being the first to come forth and admit he was drinking beer in the clubhouse during off-nights, calling it a “bad habit” (which is what I call it too), but saying it didn’t contribute to the team-wide malaise in September that lead to the epic shitting of the playoff bed. And while ol’ Lestah the Lefty, who I believe is a good guy and genuinely feels badly about this (unlike Awesome O’Cock) might be technically right, I kinda have to disagree. You can have a shit day at work, and when someone finds out you were drinking recently they might say “Well, if you’d have been taking care of yourself maybe you wouldn’t have had such a bad day.” And you might say, “Fuck you, Len! I wasn’t hammered at work so go mind your own gawd-damn business!” And you’re technically right, but Len the annoying guy from work might also have a point. Sometimes you (and it kills me to say this) might have to bypass the brewskis in favor of job success, team support, career goals and all that other happy horseshit. And while everybody loves the idea of a clubhouse full of dudes getting tanked on pop-top cans of shitty beer, using foul language, popping pills, spanking women’s asses and rippin’ butts like it’s the 70’s, those days have gone by the wayside. Game’s changed...and of course had the Sox got into the playoffs and won some games then we’d be paying tribute to the throwback caution-to-the-wind beers, buddies & baseball softball-style approach to the game brought forth by these Sox. Instead now they lost (dunno if you heard) and they look like asses, people we liked for so long with the tea have bailed, and we feel like we were robbed of what kinda was and definitely shoulda been. I ain’t whining...we got rings, wouldn’t change a thing. But this just looks bad...kinda like how the 2004 Sox would have looked bad if they didn’t beat the Skanks and win it all after Millar said they did shots of Jack in the clubhouse before games. Oh, but wait, THOSE GUYS WON. So yeah, you want beer, wings and bros before throws? Fine...just back it up and do your job.
Now, as a salve for those still gaping/healing wounds from Dirty Watergate and the epic collapse of 2011, might I offer some freshly-produced Brady Porn, coming in the form of the final drive from Sunday’s win versus the Cowboys? It’s vintage TFB at its finest, true KEEP CALM AND BRADY ON goodness. Who needs to edit together a season of highlights when he delivered a straight drive of highlights all the way to a win?
Ahh, there...I’m not even thinking about how those lousy Sox any more. I just want more football now. But seeing as it’s the bye week I guess I’ll just have to watch this again and again...until FOX or the NFL or both put in a claim and force YouTube to take it down.
Nothing else need be re-said, revisited, rehashed or redone. It is what it is. And it is brutal. Epic. Awful. And over. Gotta give it up to these 2011 Red Sox - they found ways to make what was promised to be anticlimactic and business-like very exciting. Hey, there are lots of movies that ended horribly that were exciting for most of the time, right? Like...The China Syndrome. Yeah...that’s the movie that this season most reminds me of.
At least the Sox have great memories and found a way to revert back to form. Now nobody can accuse them of “losing their way” or “forgetting who they are”. THE REMEMBERED ALRIGHT! What a memory on those Sox! This is the song that pretty much sums up everything emotionally for me, kinda keeps playing over and over in my head, my shower radio, the car stereo, etc...
No, you can never take 2004 and 2007 away from us. But we can’t just sweep this one aside either.
Rather than castigate the Lackeys and Crawfords for their season-long futility and significant role in this meltdown, or the Papelbons and Scutaros who contributed directly last night (WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOPPING AND WATCHING THE BALL BETWEEN 2ND AND 3RD FOR SCUTARO!?!?!), or the Theo Epsteins who spent lavishly like a spoiled society child in building said “superteam” (have fun in Chicago!), it just never should have come down to this. So...yeah. It kinda finished how it began. like flaming dogshit in a bag. Beautiful bookends to the season, I dare say.
To splash a spot of light onto the despair I’ll try and end on a peachier note; the true Red Sox fans know no boundary in their fandom. That we were able to even temporarily even wrap our minds around the idea of rooting for the Yankees, for even but a moment, in our effort to get into the playoffs. Something that would normally make us sick, even kill us. That’s like Drain-O for the soul! And we had to try and make that deal with the devil just to help our team get into the playoffs? Wow...we really are a twisted bunch.
So that’s what we get. Though you could say we didn’t deserve it. But so it goes. Putting some color and historical perspective back onto the whole Boston sports scene after a decade for the ages, I guess. The Red Sox? They definitely got what they deserved. And so did Tampa.
A 7-0 lead, Yanks? REALLY? I hate the damn Yankees.
If you’re gonna shit the bed and collapse at least make it memorable, something for the ages, something to remember and share with kids (that you hate), right?
Nobody saw this coming...but then again nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Or the supposed superteam of the season (good find by Sports Guy’s buddy JackO) pissing away a 9-game lead only to have to play in to the playoffs, or even for a 1-game play-in tiebreaker in Tampa. Which waaaaaay to many people think is a forgone conclusion. No, the only forgone conclusion is that the Sox shit the bed in September. That we’re all having 27 heart attacks a minute. That there’s not enough beer in the world to put out the fire in my sports soul right now. That we have to play the game, lively O’s to get a shot at the dance. And that pitching is JFL; Jon Fahkin’ Lestah. Who’s pitched to the tune of a 10 ERA the last coupla weeks. So, yeah...time for big Jawnee, who started the season for us to help finish it well. And everyone just settle down, tune in, focus your energies and let’s get it done.
And so help me god...if Lavarnway isn’t catching tonight, after his heroic anti-Salty effort in Game 161, with 2 big dingahs...then even I might be off the Tito train.
Seriously people...I’m listening to sports radio right now (obviously cuz I hate myself), and people are asking who should start Game 163 and what the Sox will do in the play-in game. PEOPLE, NOTHING IS GUARANTEED TODAY EXCEPT NIBBLED FINGERNAILS, HEARTBURN, CURSE WORDS, EMPTY BEER CANS AND A GAME THAT MATTERS! The playoffs don’t start tomorrow. They start to-fahkin-night. WIn to get in. 1 at a time. It is what it is. Etc...
Shut up with the rest and hope for the best. Quite simple...LET’S. GO. SOX.
‘Cuz fuck all do I not wanna hear it from the haters and such tomorrow. Not ready for that yet, or at all. So maybe do it for us loyal assholes, Sawx? Or just do it.
As Awesome O’Clock himself would say it...
Oh, and go...Yanks? Cripes, typing that is like swallowing Drain-O.
Fenwayfriends, this is terrible. What’s going n now is more ridiculous than Nate Burleson calling himself “the black Wes Welker” (which is pretty funny, and thunderously inaccurate). This Sawx collapse and bedshitting is beyond absurd. And what’s fahki’ most infuriating about it is for most of this wackyballz season we’d think they’ll pull out of the tailspin and win a few, lock it up and call it a day. No, instead...asshats like Awesome O’Clock himself go out there and give up 8 runs, make a game where the Sox score 11 interesting (until they finally explode on the wings of....Connor Jackson?), then bitch when they get pulled early. Fuck him fifty-six ways from Friday. He’s such a hot buttered turd. Really...I asked on the twittah last night if people would pay even $1 extra er ticket next season just to not have to watch him pitch for the Sawx again. I have never gotten more RT’s and responses in my life. I hear you, folks. I do. And obviously that bloated triangle mouth shitshow doesn’t.
SO...since we can’t do much of anything except watch, root, pray, tweet, post, pray, drink, eat, scream, yell, curse, dance and worry (like most ay day), I thought it best to just throw up as many random things as possible so as to give you, the kinda freaks that would check out a shitacular of a website like mine while watching a game. Maybe these laughs and pieces of absurd absurdities will distract you long enough to not let the pain set in of seeing the Sox shit themselves in the corner while they puke on their shoes in front of a whole baseball-watching country. Well, not as much as it may need to hurt...cuz it will. THUS, let’s fahkin’ get into it...
SPORTSTITTIES! Brought to you by the good people @ Deadspin.
If you haven’t seen the Larry Merchant post-Mayweather thing yet then here you go. If only this Sawx squad had half this old man’s nutz...
And if I can’t get you guys to take your eyes off the Sawx shitapalooza long enough to laugh at this thing: IF CELEBRITIES MOVED TO OKLAHOMA - then our collective gooses are cooked.
Yes, THIS is how hideous the Sox play of late has been.
OK, fine...I’ll even throw in a funny Batman video some buddies made, leaving me with no Losswash material for a while, but hot cheesedicks, we need it now more than ever.
Alright, this is it...my last “Don’t stare at the bomb blast from Yawkey Way” video. I just went Batman. We had afull-on FAIL earlier. Remmyspoke in tongues. If y ace in the hole, kittens with lightsabers, doesn’t cheer you up, then we iz FAHKED.
Last thought...if the Sawx skiddage goes full retahd and they do the unthinkable, do you let the kids watch? Do we subject them to this horrorshow? The Wall Street Journal thinks we should. I think my ass would be insulted to see the front page of that rag, still...that we even have to consider these matters...the WTF meter is way past 11, Mr. McKittrick taking us to DefCON 1 now.
Wow...with a little perspective, ever appreciated the Pats and the TFB show more? Think he’d let this nonsense continue? Exactly.
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