I’m Jim Rice, bitch! Now get my ass where it belongs - into the Hall of Fame!
Follow this link and get old Jim Rice, one of the greatest Sox players ever, and one of baseball’s most underappreciated sluggers, where he belongs; in Cooperstown. How many others with numbers in the neighborhood of Jim Ed have seen their name on a plaque, heard their number called while Rice, one of the AL’s most feared hitters for over a decade, sits on the sidelines? This, my good friends, is some old bullshit! Just look at his stats! In an age where pitchers were better and the balls and the players weren’t juiced, no less. I mean, the guy deserves to be in the Hall of Fame for wearing sunglasses in studio on NESN doing postgame analysis if nothing else!
Day, Night, Inside, Outside - Jim Rice wears his sunglasses when and where he wants to, bitches!
Let’s right this wrong and do the Sox right (especially on a day where the Skanks sign their latest high-priced humpface, those Pinstriped pricks!)
Posted by Fitzy on 01/06/09 at 02:19 PM
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“In my mind New York was always the top.” Yeah, the top of my dick, you toothy hump!
Just reading the transcript to this fake-ass, bleached-tooth, image-conscious d-hole’s press conference is enough to make me sick. AND happy, AGAIN, that the Sox didn’t sign him. Eff him and his new Pinstriped Porkpirates. I can not wait for him to turn into the 1st base version of A-Rod; big stats, no title.
Man, Pats fans must feel really hosed now that we got our dicks kicked in representin’ the AFC East in the playoffs.
Really? REALLY? That was the best the AFC East Champs could do?
That was the best Mr. Jets Slayer, Mr. Comeback Player of the Year could do?
Can anyone look me straight in the eye (regular, brown, red, WHATEVER) and tell me that the Dolphins and their 1-game better conference record (8-4 to 7-5 in AFC for Pats) deserved to go to the playoffs and were better than the Pats?
Pathetic.
That ass-whooping served Ed Reed style, with a side order of 4 Pennington INTs, only reinforces all Pats fans sour grapelicious feelings about getting sent home for the postseason in favor of the pop-gun Dolphins. There is no way in the wide world of sports that someone can tell me the Pats would not have made a game of it played better or had a chance to win? If you did you would have but a leg to stand on and it would be FULL OF SHIT.
The “big wins” for the Dolphins were Pennington making his comeback and the team reversing their fortunes and going from the cellar to the spotlight. GREAT! Good for them! That was their championship, the whole “not sucking anymore” thing. They could have lost to the Jets and still gone home winners. BIG winners. Now they go home after an ass-kicking in their own house, where their offense was shut down, dressed down and beat down. And there’s no way they can feel as good today about their season as they did but a day or two ago. What the Fish did this season was awesome, and they beat the Pats back in September and earned their accolades and respect. But sorry, I am going to cry one last good cry over the spilled milk that was the Pats and their spit ‘n glue old man D and red-hot Casselhoffense going home in favor of the Dolphin peoples and their dink with no duck offense.
Technically the right team went to the playoffs. But we all know the wrong team packed up and played golf first.
OK, I’m done.
No dropping the literal or metaphorical ball Sunday, Pats. You especially, Gaffney! Once was more than fahkin’ enough, thank you very little.
Christmas happened – and I don’t care!
Teixiera signed with the Yanks – and I don’t care!
A team could go 0-16 Sunday…and I don’t care!
I just got a Blu-Ray player AND Guitar Hero: World Tour for gifts, both of which give me super-nerd stiffies and yet remain unopened…and I don’t care!
Rumor has it TFB got engaged – and I don’t care!
IT’S ALL ABOUT SUNDAY AT 1PM, peoples.
Then maybe 4. But the mathemagenius in me says first comes 1.
The Pats HAVE to win in Buffalo before any of these other wacky playoff scenarios can come to be. So no talking about the Jets, or the Jags, both of which we hope to be fans of come 4 in the PM. HOPE.
We don’t have Jack, Shit or their friends to worry about if the Pats don’t win in Buffalo, a team and city that would relish knocking the reigning division champs and their hated rival from the playoff picture (lest we forget Buffalo plays host to the radio show Shred and Ragan who had the “Best Bust of Bernard Pollard” contest…these sugar-frosted fuckwits.) Misery loves company, but I’m too in the mood for January football to hang with the Bills and whoever else ain’t going to the playoff dance. And don’t even get me started on the kinda “straight till spring training” shithouse kinda mood I’ll be in if the Pats lose, or go 11-5 and still miss the playoff. Moral victories SCHMORAL DICKTORIES! They’re playing too damn well to start playing my Guitar Hero and watching my Blu-Ray!
SO, root your balls off...scream your brains out...drink your face off...do whatever you have to do from wherever you have to be in whatever lucky pair of underpants you need to be in to help will the Pats to victory. THEN we can all temporarily switch allegiances and feel fahked up about actually saying “Go Jags!” or “C’mon Favre!” Seriously, the “Pennington comes to NYC and has the chance to knock the Jets from the playoffs after they dumped his ass for Olde Man Favre” story is super cool, great drama and all. But just not now, with all we have on the line. Unless the Jags can pull their head outta their dismal season asses for the day. Against the Ravens. Which sounds really improbable. About as probable as me seeing “Marley and Me”. So yeah, be pro-Jets-ready. But we gotta make sure White Cassel and crew have the chance to cheer for Eric Mangini’s team (vomit-on-keyboard-sound) first.
You fahked it up six years ago, Fav-ruh. Don’t fahk it up again. Gaffney promised me we’ll do our job and no balls will be dropped, so then you go do yours. Then ride off into your Wrangler jeans sunset. Then everybody go fahk themselves! Especially Hamgini...that prick. Who I might have to root for Sunday (*keyboard covered in vomit sound again*)
Posted by Fitzy on 12/22/08 at 09:43 AM
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Santa, I do not remember putting “Need to be a Goddamn Jets fan for a day” on my fahkin’ Christmas Wish List!
Was not your punishment of Patriots fans on February the 3rd in the year 2008 of our Lord not punishment enough?
Was not your (temporary) smiting of the brave and most noble Tom Brady on September the 7th of this same year a reminder of your anger towards us?
And now you ask us to both win our final game AND be forced into temporary Jets fandom for a day? Have you no mercy?
If it must be done so as to allow the surging football force that is the reconstituted reconstructed and reinvigorated Patriots into the playoffs, then so be it.
OK Santa, THIS, the Pats playing awesome offense (awefense?) in the playoffs...THIS is what I want for Christmas, you chubby freak!
