Your favorite football player ever and mine, the gridiron god who walks among us, Tom Brady, was involved in a car accident on his way to work Thursday morning, but thank the maker he appears to be OK. As the story goes some ASSHOLE in a van (with New Jersey plates...hmm...) ran a red light. Brady proceeded and t-boned the van. The Jaws of Life were used but on the driver of the van. Yeah, they say a man with a van is a man with a plan. WELL WHAT WAS YOUR THURSDAY MORNING PLAN, MR. MAN WITH A VAN? TO TAKE OUT TOM BRADY? BECAUSE YOU CAN’T! HE’S INDESTRUCTIBLE, AND YOU AND YOUR SHITTY DRIVING ARE NOT GONNA TAKE OUT TFB! ESPECIALLY NOT 3 DAYS BEFORE KICKOFF SUNDAY!
You can’t kill me, muthafuckaz! I got a game to win Sunday.
Before even entering into the how or why this happened, might i just ask this; WHY THE HELLL WAS ANYONE ELSE ON THE ROAD AT THE SAME TIME AS TOM BRADY? WHY WERE THE ROADS NOT CLEARED FOR HIM? WHY NO POLICE ESCORT? CLEAR THE ROADS! GET ME SOME BLUE & WHITES! THIS IS TOM F. BRADY GOING TO PRACTICE! LET’S GET OUR PRIORITIES IN ORDER HERE, BPD!!!
Thank you. He’s OK, so we’re coping. And drinking at 9am and there’s no football on. Yet.
NOW, the timing of this seems VERY interesting if you ask me. Many theories are already circulating all over the interweb as the reason this happened, or who could have mysteriously sent or been driving this Jersey van. Could it have been...
**Just some idiot trying to get to work and he ran a red, ignoring the glow of brilliance coming from the car perpendicular to him at the intersection?
**Something sent by an opponent, say Marvin Lewis or Ochocinco, to prevent Brady from being 100% and opening up the full Patriots artillery this coming Sunday? (doubtful) Maybe it was sent by Rex Ryan as a preemptive strike in anticipation of their Week 2 match-up and a dogfight of an AFC East? (highly unlikely) Could it have been driven by a desperate fan of an AFC East rival, say, as many Facebookers suggested, a Bills fan? They haven’t much to live/root for,right? (Hmm...maybe)
**OR, could it have been sent by none other than Robert Kraft himself, or maybe his right hand man, son Jonathan, as a “message” to Tom Brady and his agents over their contractual demands? He is supposed to be a notoriously tough negotiator. Not accusing, just saying, Patspeoples...he does look the part of the unassuming gangster.
So, there’s NO way we can get you to back off those contractual demands? OK, well, we’ll see. I’d be careful on my commutes to work this week. Ya’ know, accidents can happen.”
Most important of all The Brades is OK. He’s on his way to practice. Looks like he’ll play Sunday. Football, and life, move on. Nothing to see here, people. Keep it moving. Nothing to see AND LET’S GO PATS!!!
Good thing he’s OK. If he wasn’t they wouldn’t have to worry about what to do with the driver of that van. I’d make sure he was well taken care of.
The latest t-shirt available in the Townie News MERCH store...
So beautiful.
So majestic.
So powerful.
SO BRADY.
You know you want one.
Available now for the oh-so-very-ironic introductory price of just $12 (plus $3 S/H).
It, like TFB himself, is almost too awesome to look at. But you know you can’t take your eyes off it/him. We understand. We feel the same way. So what are you waiting for? Go get one, or five. The whole family would look wonderful in them. Like winners.
Couldn’t ask for a better blessing than Shaughnessy cutting some bowl rope on top of “Pocket Money”. It’s the kiss for good luck any New England Sports Nitwit like myself would want. It’s almost become an annual tradition; we make the show, CHB sees the promo 976,000 times, steams out on it in one of his little “Kibbles ‘n Bits” columns, therefore giving it the “If Shaughnessy Hates It Then It Can’t Be That Bad” Seal of Approval. WIN! Thanks, Dan..and GFY!
Also of interest...
People are giving TFB a hard time because his hair this season is a little Justin Beiberiffic. Well, at least HE DIDN’T GO SEE THE BEIBS IN CONCERT! Unlike a rival AFC East QB... I don’t care if the Jets win 700-3 against the Pats, at least Brades didn’t see The Beibs.
That Boob Apron video that debuted here on Townie News last week went banonkers (bananas + bonkers), and has gotten over 1.1 million views on the YuTube. Nice work, peoples.
And be on the lookout for the most kickass t-shirt we’ve produced to date, maybe the most kickass TFB and Patriots shirt ever, dropping here on Townie News for a special introductory price of only $12, sometime in the next day or two. Hmm...why would it be a special price of $12? I wonder what could have inspired that...
Dear Viewers, Fans, Friends, Enemies, Assclowns and Other Sportsfans,
These days it’s all about transparency in America, right? After Season 1 of “Pocket Money” you watched and then you made your peace. You spoke your words. You shared your opinions. And that’s why NESN brought me, the only guy who can look like more of a boob than the contestants who whiff on the first question, back, and with more money (but don’t worry, the Nitwit Factor is set to 11 this season.) And we’re back JUST in time for the Red Sox to pretty much be out of it. HOORAY!
So make sure to tune in this Friday, September 3rd for the Season 2 premiere of “Pocket Money” on NESN. We’re on Fridays @ 5pm, part of the NESN “Made in New England” block of programming (sandwiched between “Shining City” and “After The Game”, John Henry’s wife’s “Cribs” of New England sportspeoples), and then again after the Sox game and NESN Daily...somewhere around midnight. What’s the deal with air times in Rocktober? You got me. In the meanwhile, here’s a show open from Season 1 that I think worked out pretty well, one that we got naturally with no “TV tinkering”, believe it or not.
And I know some of you freaks out there who check in on the Townie from time to time are not necessarily Boston/New England sports fans, but can rally behind our cause of being ballbusters and dicks to our mutual sorts enemies. And occasionally you like to pick up a little non-league sanctioned merch to express yourself. One spot I’d like to recommend is PhillyPhaithful.com. You don’t have to be from Philthy to appreciate the merch and sportswear they make (they made that awesome Plaxico shirt I blogged about a while back). Here’s a new fave of mine, which I definitely believe I’ll be sportin’ on Celtics off-nights in the coming 2010-11 season.
Enjoy your “Larry Legend” year, buddy. May it bring you, and all New England Patriots kind, the ring, trophy and celebration worthy of such a glorious year.
At the end of the day nobody does it better (I won’t apologize, I get sappy about this shit.)
...and the Celtics still couldn’t bring home the big W in Game 3. Still burns my ass. Nice to see, according to the slideshow at Boston dot com, that celebs from the local and long distance lent their star power to the Gang green scene. Celebrities - they’re just like us! Except they’re not! Because people give a fahk about them, and they shit money!
Look, it’s New England Patriots quarterback and national hearththrob Tom Brady, sporting his new ‘do from The Justin Beiber Salon! When’s the album from your boy band, “TFB-Real” drop, Tommy? LOL.
“No, I swear, I totally used to play my “Hangin’ Tough” cassette and rub it out thinking about you. Then you became The Other Wahlberg. What the fahk?”
Here we see Rasheed Wallace and unemployed receiver Terrell Owens share a hearty laugh and a man-hug over Owens’ ludicrous idea that the Patriots would ever consider signing him. That Owens, such a jokester! LOL!
Recently injured yet rapidly rehabbing New England Patriots standout Wes Welker details to sexy TV personality, and Celtics supahfan, Maria Menunos how his ACL injury would in no way be a problem if she wanted to be his “slot receiver”. Oh Wes, you frisky little devil you!
Here’s that BEAT LA t-shirt you wanted to get for the series. Everyone needs one. Once you wear it to work and everyone says, “Hey dood, I used to think you were a megatool but now suddenly I have shitpiles of respect for you thanks to that friggin’ badass BEAT LA t-shirt”, you can thank me.
I’m hosting a big fat comedy fundraiser this Saturday night, June 5th, in Litchfield, NH. We’ll have the usual raffles, prizes, verbal junkpunches, some “Pocket Money” live, cheap jokes at the expense of people more successful than us, plus you can BYO. $20 can not buy you a better time on a Saturday night (your sister’s rates went up, so...)
POCKET MONEY is filming Wednesday afternoon June 2nd from The Greenway in downtown Boston, 1-4pm, so if you wanna come win $80 of Uncle NESN’s cashola then come bring it, Jabroni!
THIS is the reason why I’ll be able to wake up and see another sunrise if the Celtics don’t BEAT LA, or TFB doesn’t win another Super Bowl. By the way - both of those things will happen. So feel free to find another pretend negative reason (PNR) to need to click that link over and over and over again...
THIS is a damn good baseball blog you should be reading more frequently, you drunk! Take it from a Fitzy (your mom loves to) - this guy gives good Sully!
The thought of Delonte West banging my mom would be more than enough reason to get me to leave Cleveland. Pretty sure there’d have been plenty of reasons to leave beforehand, no matter how hard they tried to get me to stay. Just sayin’...
Also now I know why LeBron should never go to the Knicks. And why YouTube has done as much harm as it has good to my life, and yours. #knicksrecruitingeffortfail
After all, Tom Brady does love to score big in NYC.
Also...somehow in my absenteeism of late I’ve even neglected to post the last couple of appearance on The Bax and O’Brien Show. Appearances...sponsored sportschats...FM bullshit sessions...whatever you call them they’re the reason why I’m up and at ‘em every Thursday at 8:05 in the AM. So here’s May 20th.And here’s May 13th. And of course, where would we be without May 6th. Ah, memories. And the internet. And beer.
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