Lil’ Dusty’s MVP Acceptance Speech

NSFW - but if you didn't expect that then you don't know Lil' Dusty or Townie News.

Coco for Ram-Ram

Goodbye Covelli, Hello Ramon Ramirez.  A friend from KC just texted me that Coco is going to the Royals for Ramon Ramirez.  Hmm...don't know how I feel about that one yet.  Guess we know where bullpen help/the guy who might take over for Masterson's coming from.

Adios, Coco.  The hit in the 8th of Game 5 of the ALCS is how I'll remember you best.

YAZ = Birth Control?

Umm...there's a birth control pill named after one of the greatest Red Sox ever?

Shouldn't any pill named YAZ give you a 72-hour stiffy or help get women pregnant with a single glance or help you grow a temporary 2nd dick in case tonight's the night you get that long-coveted threesome?  But birth control?  F U pharmaceutical world!  Name it SCHIRALDI or BOGGS or SAMBITO or someone else just not so historicallly awesome.  Someone NOT named Yaz, for chrissakes!

One sweet southpaw swing from Yaz and women within miles would find themselves...NOT pregnant.  WTF?

Even in Defeat…

Red Sox Nation finds winners.  It works out like this (still funny days later)...

PLUS

PLUS

PLUS

MULTIPLIED BY

EQUALS

Long live rivalry.  And Sox fans who taunt hotheaded Yankee relievers so much they flee titty bars in a drunken huff and get pulled over on a DUI.  In NEBRASKA.

WBCN, Tuesday Oct 21st, 6pm

YOPF will be on 104.1 WBCN, The Rock of Boston, today at 6pm, a day later than my normal visit with Toucher and Rich (something about a MNF Pats game or something last night.)  Tune in and get your GFY on.  Also, if you ever want to listen to any of the other mouth-trash I've spewed on their fine station then visit Toucher and Rich's Audio Archive.  It's like Christmas for your ears: presents and candy and fun for everyone!

Cheers and Beers, Bob Ryan

Leave it to my favorite Boston sports writer, Bob Ryan, to put the series and season into the perfect perspective.

I hope all you bums, who must feel a little better after the Pats played HULK SMASH! with the Denver Ponies Monday night, read this and feel OK about it all too.

Cheers and beers, Bob.  My, how I'd love to buy you a few and hear some stories.

Question of the Day: Is a Bob Ryan ManCrush acceptable?

That Really Sox

I know everyone keeps saying "Hang in there, but this BLOWS!"

Sox fans, there's no denying that getting knocked out of the playoffs.  On the road.  In a Game 7.  Of the ALCS.  To Tampa.  SUCKS.  After the monumental Game 5 comeback, and a well-rounded Game 6 win, it made perfect sense to think, not EXPECT, to think we could be seeing what we've seen a couple times already this decade.  But they still have to play the games, and every other douchebagerrific cliche that Buck Martinez likes to utter.  And the Rays broke from the script, re-wrote history, and now have a chance to go from worst to first PLUS Champs.  Which blows my mind.  But they won, and we lost.  So you tip your cap, wish 'em well, lick your wounds, blah blah blah...HOWEVER, this guy and his stupid mouthpiece and cowbell can lick mah ballz!

And this man-turd can also eat a HUGE bag of broken dicks covered as he is Reason #1 in my new dissertation on why the internet and the information age of sharing the global village are TERRIBLE THINGS!

I'm not ready to dissect the season, analyze every move made and look for people to throw under the bus.  Fuck the microscope we're supposed to put the game and the players and the team under.  It's done.  It sucks, but it's done.  It was a helluva season, a great ALCS with a shitty finish, but all in all a damn fine and fun baseball season.  And as far as Im concerned if you're a Pats fan too then you should be checking the clock soon and often, waiting for the work whistle to blow so you can get your ass home and root on the struggling and beloved footballers of Foxboro.  Save a Time Machine and the ability to make somebody drive in some of the runners the Sox left on in innings 7-9 in Game 7, there's nothing I'd love more thana big fat Pats win tonight.  Like finding $5 in your pocket, surprise sex, and leftover pizza in the fridge you didn't know was there, it'd provide a nice lift.

Hey Matt Cassel - I refuse for this to be the title to your 2008 Patriots biography.  Now LET'S GO PATS!

Game 6 Flood Report

ONE MORE!!!

True to my word in an email to friends about yesterday’s post, I’ll be blogging after every game from here on out, hopefully for another week or so. (That email also featured multiple typos, including a misspelling of TownieNews.com. My publicity director days are numbered.)

I watched the game at Maison Jawff-Man last night. Here are some thoughts from the two of us (his are the funny/insightful ones):

 --I’m not even going to mention TBS’ technical difficulties. I’m not going to talk about the Twilight Zone feeling of tuning in at 7:55 to find a BBC bloopers clip show hosted by Dick Clark and a lady who apparently was on the Hughleys (when did that show air, like 5 years ago?) but who I only remembered from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Or the shock of that show ending and an episode of the Steve Harvey show coming on—seriously, I’d rather have Paul Harvey at that point.

I won’t dwell on what it felt like to log on to mlb.com, tbs.com and espn.com and find no mention of whateverthehell was going on (thank you Boston.com for being on top of things). Nope, I won’t even mention how technical difficulties are understandable, but cutting to a crappy re-run that probably 50 people watched when it first aired instead of finding someone, SOMEWHERE to at least do audio-play-by-play and explain what the hell was happening in the most anticipated baseball game since Game 1 of last year’s series or game 6 or 7 of last year’s ALCS is completely inexcusable. (I don’t care if the entire Atlanta TBS headquarters were down, you can’t find a guy with a cellphone at the game to call in to CNN headquarters and broadcast the audio on TBS? I don’t buy it.) Or how glad I was we had a radio to listen to, unlike 700 people at the
Cask 'n Flagon, which must have been bordering on Thunderdome-territory by 8:20 PM. Nope, you won’t hear a peep out of me about any of that.

Five

Wins to go.

Quality innings from Beckett last night.

Number of homers I hope the Sox hit in victory tonight.

And remember the ABC of championship baseball:

ALWAYS  BE  CLOSING

And hey Tampa...if John-ee Les-tah does his thing tonight and the Sox win, there'll still be something special for you...

Coffee is for closers, Tampa.

LET'S GO SOX!

The Flood’s ALCS Game 5 Thoughts & Reactions

Team Fitzy was in full effect to watch Game 5 the other night- a couple notes from The Comeback:

--What was with pitching Kazmir over Shields and then yanking him after 6 solid? If you could pick a single moment when the Sox lost the momentum in this series it was game 2, when Tito stuck with Becket too long, pulled Masterson and Paps too early and put old man Timlin out for the twelfth—all three adding up to the pitching decision equivalent of Mike Martz and the Rams playing for the tie against the Panthers in the 2003-04 playoffs.

--After the Ortiz home run the first thing I thought about was Kevin Millar before game 4 of the ALCS in 2004 saying, “Don’t let us win today. Don’t let us win today and give ‘em Pedro tomorrow and then Schilling game 6 and then anything can happen in game 7.” It was a pretty obvious comparison and my buddy Winthorp sent a text with the same quote about two minutes later.

--Here’s where it gets strange, though. Still down by three in the 8th, the television next to the one showing the Sox game at the bar was running the Best Damn Sports Show Period, which had a segment of Manny lowlights (including the brilliant dive-fall-miss the ball by 5 feet-stand up-fall again-land on top of the ball-do a backward bridge to pick up the ball from under your ass-stand up and laugh it all off while Theo has a slow motion aneurysm from earlier this season—if anyone has a link please send it!) when suddenly there’s KEVIN MILLAR clumsily flopping a dreadlocked wig onto his head and talking about Manny. The rest, my friends, is history.