...a bunch of fahkin’ videos I hope I never have to make again. But first...
Ladies and Gentlefriends, Patsfans and Patriot Peoples the world over, it gives me great pleasure to present a video I was dying to make. A video I couldn’t wait to make, especially given the match-up. Here is our Super Bowl 46 Wicked Pissah Webcast, in all it’s inappropriate and NSFW glory.
Now, one video I wouldn’t have minded making again, albeit a contemporary version, is this, where as a full-fledged unapologetic Patriots Supahfan I make my way from tailgate lot to stadium in Indianapolis to represent for my Foxboro Football Folk. For all the positive press Indy is getting this week for hosting a great Super Bowl party I have to say I’m hearing that Pats fans are getting some serious fahkin’ stinkeye, and I can attest that Indy was mighty mighty hostile to Patspeeps. See for yourself...
NOW, two fahkin’ videos I hope to never ever have to make again (seriously - much rather get hit with a paintball gun full of frozen Whoppers) are these, and I don’t give a flying fiddler’s fuckwhistle how funny you might think I am/can be when depressed or in defeat. FAHK THAT NOIZ!!! First was when I was surprised by being on-stage with none other than starting Giants O-lineman David Diehl ("Here’s the Diehl - GO FAHK YASELF!") in NYC. He was a good sport, but still...I don’t wanna be there, or in this situation again. I’d rather hang out with the actual Situation. And he’s a douchemountain!
And then this...what some call my best webcast ever. A video that many, no bullsheet, have told me in-person, was the first thing that made them smile after the football game that supposedly happened in the desert 4 years ago. Something I did because I had to, but hope to holy hotcakes, I never have to make again. I seriously would rather spend 28 days in Aretha Franklin’s dutch oven than have to even consider making another something like this.
Pats, I want you to win because I am a fan. And it would be wonderful to shut everyone the fahk up who hates on you and is 31 flavors of jealous. Oh, and Giants fans too! We kinda owe them a little bit. Anyway...just win, baby. Because if you do you’ll be Super Bowl champs. And we’ll all be so proud and overjoyed. And as a tiny tiny tiny footnote, and treat for me, I’ll never have to make those videos again. Thank you. Go Pats. And everyone who doesn’t root for them or is oping I have to make another Defeatcast can Go Fahk Yourself.
Here’s a hot pile of stuff to watch in preparation for Sunday’s big showdown throwdown in Filthy. No, it’s not all pregame fanalysis and hype/hooplah/hystericals. Just some Pats porn, funny stuff, horseshit and the like.
Holy fuck, it’s Rick Reilly’s first good contribution to ESPN since the mothership got the short end of the Rick Reilly for Dan Patrick trade! This “Other Tom Bradys” piece is pretty good, mostly enjoyable when you’re a Pats maniac and TFB apologist/enthusiast like yours truly.
TFB gets another good look in pregame show video, but this time not just about him. This is a nice piece on the CBS pregame show from Thanksgiving Day highlighting the relationship between TFB and his QB guru, Tom Martinez, the “QB Whisperer”, if you will. This has a slight goosebump factor, be warned (what a homo).
Thirdly turdly...caught this on Pats Propaganda tonight...umm, this was supposed to be funny, right? ‘Cuz wow...as someone who has dabbled (OK, made a living) in unfunniness, this takes the frosted cake with a 6-pack.
And finally, also from Pats Propaganda dot com (me fave Pats blog, if you haven’t figured that shit out by now, Sherlocks)...this is Pats-centric porn and parody at its finest and most retahded. And with no Nnamdi Asomugha (pronounced “awesome-wah”...how exactly?) tomorrow methinks White Wes can have an Awesome-wahn-derful kinda day. I’d put this shit right up there with our MANNING FACE video.
Big game...bigger than I think most people, the Patsfans who are already locked in what seed we’ll have in the playoffs, tomorrow. Beating the Eagles, a team on the semi-rise, who are home after a big win and need to win OUT, would be huge. That, I think, would be a morale booster for the squad and would propel them to a great finish, and then...well, we’ll worry about the playoffs a whole helluva lot later.
Wait...tomorrow we see Mesante Samuel tomorrow? The guy who dropped the pick that woulda sealed 19-0 and the perfect season, prevent the “We Blew Super Bowl 42” and chants of 18-1? Oh, right...
Will Sunday night represent, as Jackie MacMullan of ESPNBoston.com predicted, the “darkest hour of the Brady/Belichick era”, or will TFB & Lord Hoodie rise up, bring their best effort of the season, win a huge win against the Orcs of New Jersey, stop the bleeding, and do what GFY pal Bugsy Segal does in all of his awesome pics (like this one below), FLIP OFF REXY & THE JETS?
I can’t predict the future, otherwise I’d be richer than Evil Biff from “Back To The Future Pt. 2”, which is kind of a shitty movie. ANYWAY, there are a few things the movies taught me...
And NEVER COUNT ON THE PATS!!! it looks shitty, real shitty, right now, coming off a rarely experienced back-2-back losing streak, and off a bye no less. And while the world thinks a 3-game shitstreak is upon the Patriots, I don’t see it. As well as the gaddam Jets are playing, and as not-well as the Pats are putting forth. They just...I’m not relying on old times and previous Patriot days. I just know to count on few people in this life to do what they do as well as they do. And that’s TFB and BB. We’ll see if the dynamic duo, alongside White Wes, Cont Gronkula, The Rainmaker Hernando & this OchoCinco guy I’ve been hearing about, can bring it Sunday night in the place (Meadowlands in Jersey) where happiness goes to die.
The game Sunday night...that’s what it’s all about, AFC Beast bragging rights and more. However this...this is only a test.
As recorded here, local authorities did their best to help to assist a distraught fan and avoid a second disaster Sunday night after a huge “crime” was perpetrated on Patriots fans moments earlier. Oh the pain...
Your predictions for Sunday....now...give them to me.
In absence of a v ideo here from us assclowns, I think my favorite video prediction for today’s contest comes from Pats Propaganda himself...
(seeing as everyone was OK it makes it OK-ish to post this)
With Welker likely to spend some time on Revis Island, looking for ways to fight his way off every down, we’re gonna need the first big gameday appearance from Ocho. Seriously. Nothing would piss off the Jets and Rexxus Nexxus quite like Ocho grabbing a big one today. to say he’s due would be a HFU: huge fahkin’ understatement...
Would love nothing more than to see Ocho get welcomed to the party in scoring style. Like Foxboro wouldn’t shit itself and make snow in the 80 degree heat for impromptu snow fireworks. THIS I WANT TO SEE!
S’go Pats! Place your bets and fahk the Jets. 4-1, git-r-dun.
Nothing will erase the bitter taste of January 16, 2011 from the mouths of Patriots fans, or TFB for that fact (he still calls it the worst loss of his life). And nobody around here is dingbatted enough to think winning this Sunday will right the wrongs of that frigid winter Sunday of broken dreams and dashed expectations. But it’s hardly just another game either. It’s another biggun versus Sexy Rexy and his gaddam Jets. And the only way to truly avenge January 16th is by getting to the playoffs and knocking the Jets out along the way. And the road to recovery begins with a BFFW: big fat fahkin’ win, this Sunday, at home, against said gangrenous division rivals. I hate the Jets with the stinking passion of a thousand burning trash cans full of shit. And I can’t imagine anything I’d like to see more than old Coach Footsy and company push it to a 3-game losing streak. We have to win this Sunday. WE MUST AVENGE JANUARY 16TH!!
Hey, Hoodie and the Pats don’t get into the trash talk and the propaganda and the like. Leave that to us. More to follow, every day, all week, right up to, through and after kickoff. Because no, I ain’t got nothing better to do.
Watching the Sox continue to piss themselves in the corner by the keg? THAT is getting old, real fast.
One team is a real buzz, the other an ultimate buzzkill. Can’t believe what we’re watching; some of the best offensive football in NFL history (TFB is on pace to throw for 4 and 1/2...MILES this season), and potentially the biggest regular season choke...EVER. Hard to put any lipstick on this pig, kids. The Sox are in BFT: big fahkin’ trouble. Someone’s gotta step their shit up. I know they don’t have a healthy Tom Brady on their team now...but come on! The Pats got a big pick from Sergio Brown (exactly!) yesterday, and an even bigger INT from Vince Wilfork. Yes, a 350 lb man picked off a pass to help his team yesterday. Someone’s gotta step up for the Sox (who are throwing Weiland and Lackey out in the doubledipper today? FMA: fahk my ass). Who’s gonna be the Vince WIlfork for the Red Sox and pick off a pass and do the fat man’s rumble?
(pic from LOLPats) - Join me on NESN.com/NESN-Nation today for the 1st game of the doubleheadah and let’s talk/bitch/tweet/hug this shit out (@fitzyGFY).
The hit ESPN sportstalk show “Pardon The Interruption” did an enlightening segment on the Patriots the other night that you guys have to see. I’ve embedded it here for you. SO colorful and honest!
If there’s a preseason game that means anything it’s game 3, when the starters ("Dude, they’re gonna play the stahtahz for like 3 quahtahz!") play deep into the game and give us the closest thing to a glimpse into what our team might...MIGHT...look like. Not that Belichick would ever give us a genuine glimpse into what he’s got up his sleeve for the season. Does he wanna release the Kraken and let the D chase the opponent’s QB all season, a complete reversal of seasons past? Is this attacking aggressive D (a fave of your mom) just a decoy to lure teams into thinking it’ll be a one-note D from the Pats? Highly fahkin’ doubt that. Who knows? Belichick would be the best poker player ever, because even with shitty cards he wins money. He may not always take home the World Series of Poker trophy equivalent in football (the VLT, of course), but damn he plays the off-suit 2-7 he gets dealt like a champ. Except now we think he may have some pocket aces with the badass offense and the rising D (I know! I know!). So here are a coupla things I’m excited to see tonight...
TFB...always. Freaky Fahkin’ Sidenote Alert! - Check out how fahkin’ funny KSK’s Tom Brady as White Michael Vick is (in mock of that stoopid fahkin’ ESPN White Michael Vick article)...holy shit this is creepy and will stay in my head like Pennywise the Clown!
The running backs - I wanna see The Lawfirm show everyone he’s ready to next level his shit buy going right after Suh behind the line, cuz I think BJGE is set for a HFS: huge fahkin’ season. PLUS, we might see the debut of Shane Vereen, who’s been int he doghouse due to injury and may wanna show Lord Hoodie that his speed to burn is reason enough to get him some snaps (It’s always tough to say “snaps” unironically, even when talking football, just sayin’...)
The Tight Ends - Time to get Gronktastic and let the The Big Gronkowski show opponents what they need to worry about this seaosn; 2 all-pro tight ends on the field at any given time. And one of them also wants to do a cannonball in your pool, drink your beer and fuck your wife. GRONK IT UP, BABY!
THE BEEF CURTAIN! - Will we finally get to see Haynesworth the Horrible and Big Shaun Ellis in action, applying pressure and sending Matt Stafford running for his fragile and oft-injured life? Will they chase the Qb like Aretha Franklin chases carrot cake? Will they begina 5-month spree of keeping O-line coaches up like Jolt cola and crystal meth? I hope so. Just gimme a taste tonight, coach. We don’t wanna see the whole package! (hey now!) Just get em out there for a few plays and show us what we will live and die for every given Sunday this fall (into winter in Indy).
The Pats - Dood, fake or not, pretend of for realzies, it’s football. There’s a hurricane (supposedly) coming our way. And we’re all supposed to batton down the hatches (whatever that means), buy all the bread/water/milk/flashlight batteries we can handle, I guess so we can make Battery Souffle. And so what better way to spend a Saturday in a storm that drinking beer you were smart enough to buy in advance, and eating pizza you ordered before the rain, as a courtesy to the college burnout driver who doesn’t wanna be there as much as you wouldn’t either, while watching the Pats, in any incarnation. I can’t think of a better way. I’m ready. I’ll be on the Twittah all night if you wanna bullshit. With pizza, flashlight batteries, milk, my GRONK shirt...and beer from my store. S"GO PATS!
