“Pocket Money’’ might be the worst idea for a TV show - ever. It makes the lame Fenway dating show look like “60 Minutes.’’ --Dan Shaughnessy, Boston Globe, October 21, 2009
I feel like I’ve arrived.
You’re not somebody, in any way, on the Boston sports scene, until CHB hates you. Or something you’ve done. So many people I admire or root for have had nutty print steamers dropped on them by Shaughnessy. This...well, this means so much. It’s like I got an Oscar when I opened up The Globe today. To think that he could take the time out from sprinkling asparagus piss on other people’s parades to shower a few drops on my show? Wow. I’m flattered. I’m honored. I’m flonored.
Thank YOU, Dan Shaughnessy. Or rather I should say, please, it’s my pleasure.
Cancel your plans. Hire the sitter. Stock up on the beer and snacks. And get ready to laugh your genitals off.
This Saturday, August 8th, your old pal Fitzy is hosting a comedy night in Litchfield, NH for The Litchfield Girls Softball League. That’s right - a girls softball league (or at least their twisted dads) are bringing me and some friends in for a night of laughs, cheap lines, insults, debauchery, mom jokes and more. You gotta figure any organization twisted enough to bring me in, and allow you to BYO, has gotta be something else. So why not come laugh, imbibe and celebrate with us? And NO, those crpass plans you made to go to the neighbors BBQ don’t count. Eff them! They send lousy Christmas cards.
No, Heidi Watney will not be in attendance. But I’m sure she’d be thrilled to know a pic of her and me from some dude’s iPhone made it onto the comedy show flier.
And don’t worry - the Sox game will be over long before the show, so there goes that excuse too.
Get your ass in gear - rally some friends (even the stupid or cheap ones) - grab some beeyahz - and let’s have that “wicked pissah comedy pahtee” we’ve been talking about, alright?
*COUGH* “Pocket Money” premiere in just over 2 weeks. *COUGH* August 24th, 5:30pm, NESN. *COUGH* I’m just as sick of the whistling promo as you are but tough shit, the real show will be on soon enough.
Last Saturday night - June 6, 2009 - definitely going down as one of my favorites to date.
And to think - I got to go to the game and watch Jaw-nee Les-tah deal that complete game gem? That was the definition of fahkin’ sweet!
Anyway - we got us some Sox vs Skanks this week. The rivalry’s renewed! Game back on! More sports and pop-culture cliches for the bluster and hype that comes before a Sox/Skanks series! I’m pumped - might even get to go to a game if the weather gods don’t ruin the fun. We’ll see. One thing I know we will see is a much better Skanks team, one that’s 20-8 since StrayRoid came back to the lineup. They’re mashing. They’re pitching better. They’re playing clutch when it counts. They’re firing on a lot of cylinders. And they’re still the team I hate most on Earth and can’t wait for the Sox to beat. Lord willing - OVER AND OVER AGAIN!
And then there’s the mater of A-Roid’s first at-bat back at the Fens since, well, um...
I’m smiling on the outside, but I’ll be crying on the inside after the Fenway Boobirds have their way with me this week. Why they make me so sad? They so mean to me! What I ever do to them?
New Sox webcast should be up Wednesday, and it’s a gem. Until then, and forever and a day after that...
Peoples we’re filming a segment of my new show, “Pocket Money”, outside the Ace Tickets store at 121 Brookline Ave in Kenmore Square this Saturday, June 6th, starting around 12:30pm. We gotta bang out a coupla bits outside Fenway, then we’re making way to Ace (kind enough to be a new sponsor on the show) to shoot some nonsense and welcome some contestants. Think you got the New England sports knowledge to answer three straight questions correctly for a little “Pocket Money”? The let’s get it on, Mills Lane! Call down the thunder, Wyatt Earp!
You tell ‘em I’m coming! And hell’s coming with me! To win some of Fitzy’s “Pocket Money”!
So, if you’re free, or broke, or homeless (which means you’re probably free and broke) then come on by, say hi, GFY. If you ACE it (nice plug, right? Your mom LOVES a nice plug) then you may just leave with some extra cash...in which case you’re buying. If you lose, well...I’ll sign your balls for you after I bust them royally.
Starting this Monday, YOPF (Yer Old Pal Fitzy, for future fahkin' reference) will be on The WBZ News in the Morning Show, from 5-7am, on WBZ TV Channel 4 in Boston. I'll be filling in for the estimable David Robichaud (who's driving cross-country to Super Bowl 42 - that rental car should smell pretty sweet by Oklahoma!), doing a coupla bits every morning, talking Pats, a whole lotta smack, and everything that's on my mind, and yours, when it comes to Super Bowl 42. Consider it a Hot Cup 'o Fitzy for the week leading to the biggest game we've seen in quite a while. Should be fun, though I am kinda freaked over the idea of doing live TV at an hour I'm used to going to bed at. I'll need at least three alarm clocks and a whole Dunkies Box 'O Joe to myself.
Hopefully I'll get a chance to hit the streets, press some flesh and meet some peeps and see what you all are up to. If anyone is doing anything absolutely braindead, bonkers or bananas leading up to the game, gimme a shout @ . I'll show up with a cameraman, and a thirsty mouth. Maybe a sixer of Sammy.
So tune in, tell your friends, set your TiVos or run for cover. Whatever makes you most comfortable. This should be a hoot...and if everything goes terribly maybe I'll wrestle a gorilla or pull a Ron Burgundy.
ALSO - Super Bowl 42 Wicked Pissah Webcast - Currently in writing, will be delivered, in full-fahkin' foul form, this week, for your pre-SB 42 viewing pleasure. A game this big calls for a webcast like I haven't made. Like anything worthwhile (or stupid, like "Hudson Hawk") it needs time.
Keep in touch, keep the faith and keep believin' The Run for 19 and Done is just 1 big win away.
