OK peoples, we’re down to a Top 10 for the Townie News “Give Shaq a New Boston Celtics Nickname” contest. Winner gets a White Wes Welker & GFY t-shirt pack (YES, in their size.) I figure it’s best to leave it to you, the twisted drunks, freaks, green monstahs and GFY-types to pick a winnah. Voting ends Friday @ Noon O’Clock. Here they iz...
Jeremy Mallo - The Shaquisition
Bill Garvey - The Four Ring Clover
Dan Park - The Old Man & The C’s
Sean DiFranza - Shaq & The Beanstalk
Brian Chevarie - Shaqapulco Gold
Ignacio Cifuentes - Green Steel
David Wilson - McDiesel
Casey Johnson - Jump the Shaq
Steve Zach - Red Aure-shaq
Brian Bigwood - Kazaam 2
Leave votes as a comment on the article on Townie News, or in Facebook comments. Write-in votes for other faves are allowed. So crack a frosty, vote your fave, and GFY!
Now, what do I think about the Celtics adding Shaquille O’Neal? It’s a NFB: No Fahkin’ Brainah, especially considering that Perk’s out until us men get wallet raped by the Hallmark corporation and Rose Growers of South America (bka - Valentine’s Day.) The Celtics need a big guy off the bench, who can clear the post, bang bodies, gab some boards, throw a few down (hoops, not beers), and provide the in-the-paint presence we needed so badly in Game 7. 6 minutes away from banner #18, you don’t think Shaq’s presence wuldn’t have guaranteed duckboats and a “wolling wally”? Fahk and yeah it would have. This signifies that the Celtics are more than happy to be the oldest, stingiest, biggest, gnarliest and pain-in-your-assest team in the East. It’s not like adding Squash and King Lames. But it is a 7 fot 1 375 pound F U to the Eastern Conference and to everyone else who said the C’s were washed up after losing the FInals. Shaq’s gonna bring even more excitement. He’ll look funny standing next to Rondo. He’ll put asses in seats. He’ll love how into it Boston fans get. He’ll love playing and beating the Heat. He may be older than the actual Aristotle but Big Aristotle is a hellified signing. PLUS, now he can team up with Jermaine to form The O’Neal Boys, the hardest workingest Irish front court in all professional basketball.
I REALLY hope Shaq wears 18, just to signify what he’s helping the C’s go for (art courtesy Chris DeRoy.)
Hey, Jacoby Ellsbury’s finally back! Be gentle, ladies. And take it easy, guys. We’re not that far back on the Skanks and we’re gonna need his fragile ass and boy band looks, because...(I’m calling it; Rays are winning the East, we’re getting Wild Card - BOOM! It has been saided. Even Bill Simmons’s (@sportsguy33) bestie, JackO, (@jacko2323) said he thinks the Skanks will be in 3rd by mid-August.
TIMEKILLER EXTRORDINAIRE, ESPECIALLY FOR PEOPLE WHO GREW UP IN THE LATE 80’S/EARLY 90’S, HAD A SUPER NINTENDO AND WERE/ARE LOSERS LIKE ME - The Street Fighter 2 soundboard. Now feel like you’re going to BRA-ZIL! whenever you want. it’s so friggin’ cool. You’re welcome.
Just curious...according to Forbes, which city has 3 of the Top 10 fanbases in the MFUSA? Sure it’s a magazine I don’t read and all (like I read!), but still, 30% of the Top 10 fanbases (Spoiler Alert - keep at it, Bruins fans! Let’s go for 4 outta ten next season.) Yankees fans didn’t even crack the Top 10. That’s because Yankees Fans Suck.
Don’t forget to tune in for a retahded sorts chat with Bax & O’Brien, Thursday Aug 5th at 8 in the AM on Rock 102 FM (rock102.com for you “radio on the web").
GFY, welcome Shaq, and let’s go Sox!
And for reading this far here’s your “let’s end on a video of a dumbass getting hit by an ice cream truck” reward...
...as well as that picture of Chewbacca riding a giant squirrel into battle against Nazis that none of you asked me about. So enjoy.
That hot waft of awesome that came by your nose this morning? Kinda smelled like the first scent off a freshly-lit bbq grill, with just some light hints of pigskin and beer? Yup, that was the start of Patriots Training Camp 2010. That means meaningful football’s not too far off, and shitty pretend football (which I’ll still take) is very close. Of course when we start getting excited about football in July and wishing it was Kickoff Weekend already, we’re wishing away the 2nd half off the summer. But I’ve already sweat my balls off enough this summer. Trading part of summer for football season is a good deal any which way you look at it.
So, there are about 9.5 million questions, concerns, stories and AFI’s (areas of fahkin’ interest) about this team. Welker, Mankins, TFB’s contract, the rookies galore, this possibly being Mossman’s Patriots swansong? We can get into those later, or never, or whenever. That shit will work itself out. A story I found pretty friggin’ interesting on Day 1 was that Derrick Burgess did not show up because he’s considering retirement.“Oh no! Please don’t retire, Derrick. hat would we do without you and your 1 sack coming off the edge?” Those are not likely to be words heard from the Pats and/or any or many Pats fans. When a guy’s considering retirement, and it’s not someone coming off a boss season, then usually that means they know something’s up, or that the tank is empty, and it’s time to call it quits. It’s not like our version of Julius Peppers is just shocking everybody with this decision out of the Patriot blue. Burgess got old, FAST. Football’s a battle and a grind, and if he ain’t feeling it then for cripes’ sake, Patriots, please don’t talk a man who had little to no impact last season, out of retirement. Therefore, I’d like all of us to say hello and warmly embrace the most likely candidate for the OLB job (until Jermaine Cunningham takes his or Tully Banta Fodder’s job): Rob Ninkovich.
Pats OLB Rob Ninkovich gives a Bill Clinton-esque thumb up to the idea of getting to start for the Pats this season.
He gets my vote for “Most Likely To Imitate And Replace, But Only In The Literal But Not Metaphorical Or Awesomeness-Sense, Mike Vrabel” Award for 2010. Look at him. Glimpse quick enough and it looks like friggin’ ol’ Ready Willing and Vrabel himself. They even got him wearing Vrabel’s #! Shit, think Belichick misses vintage Vrabel and the versatility, stability and toughness that badass with a mustache brought? Hey, who knows - the Pats got Ninkovich for a nickel & dime. Maybe he can surprise people outta nowhere, kinda like a relatively then unheard Mike Vrabel did back in 2001? Ya’ never know. But don’t say I didn’t call it. Unless Ninkovich sucks pink footballs. Then don’t remind me.
...click here to see Blake Lively’s chestbombs popping out at Comic Con last weekend (these are the very same ladypillows that I suggested the Red Sox trade for as “motivation” for the stretch run)...
...and while we’re on the subject of Comic Con here’s a picture that reminds geeks, nerds, fanboys and Fitzys alike that even in your darkest hour, or after the most ball-breaking of losses for your favorite team, there will always be a reason to live...
Yeah, here’s where everyone can come get some this season! And for many more seasons to come. Now we just need to get Shuttlesworth back in the fold, and a coupla key free agents...
Yeah, Hi everyone. Yeah, I don’t know if you’ve heard but I’m dealing with the decline of The Big 3 v 2.0, Ray Allen being a free agent, coach Doc Rivers possibly retiring to spend more time with his kids (Doc, no! Don’t! It’s not worth it! You can love them more from a distance! They’ll only disappoint you in-person! Trust me!) And now Paul Pierce has opted out of his contract, leaving a check for $21.5 million Celtics (little green guys, get it? Heh...) to try and test free agency and see how much more money he can squeeze out of his basketball days. Oh, and I’m doing all this just after the NBA Draft, which came just on the heels of losing the NBA Finals to the Lakers in 7 games, by 4 points, after holding THE GODDAMN LEAD FOR THE FIRST 41 EFFING MINUTES! SOMEBODY SHOOT ME IN THE D-HOLE, THIS IS ALL TOO MUCH TO TAKE! I’D RATHER HAVE ANOTHER HEART ATTACK THAN HANDLE ALL THIS SHIT THIS WEEK!
Ah-hem. Excuse me. Lost my composure there for a second. Soooo, yeah, if you guys could cut me some slack or anyone wants to lend a hand in the next few weeks then that would be great. Yeah, thanks!
