...and here’s everything else Patstastic and such we can think of for you to watch, read, look at, enjoy and whatever else you gotta do before kickoff.
CelticsPatriotsMan has a pretty sweet little...preview of today’s showdown.
And then we got all these...there’s GFY pal and middle-finger flippin’ stalwart Bugsy Segal finally showing a sign of approval to a license plate...and how!
Then we got Chad Lakkas (@themadgamer), who whipped up this sign for the stands so his aunt could see him at the game Sunday (dood...I would SO download this app and play the shit outta this game...hope the Pats do to Sunday).
Then we got this sweetass GRONK cartoon / illustration by Neil Smith (starting to get an idea how big New England’s Gronk-boner is at this point?)
Then we got my boy Hanzy, who always whips up the best gameday outfits for The Razor. Here was last week’s for The Tebowl 2...can’t effing wait to see what he devises for the Championship.
WEEI kinda nailed it; we need Big Vince to come hungry and dine on stuffed Raven today.
And as we head into it, and the game we’ve somehow waited a week for is nigh, remember 2 things; no matter what happens, like Jen Hill does here, KEEP CALM AND BRADY ON.
And be sure to say a coupla OUR BRADYs before kickoff (as presented by our pal Jeremiah Lucas).
So there it is and here we go. Nothing else need be said. GAME. EFFING ON. Hang ‘em high and let ‘em fly, boys. GFY, Ravens. LET’S GO PATS!!!
The task, or tasks, at hand are very simple; A.) Beat the Ravens Sunday, and 2.) Have all us crazy obsessed excited psyched superpumped fans make it to Sunday. ‘Cuz I gotta tell ya it’s Wednesday night, and that’s a tall order itself. I am doing everything possible under the sun to distract myself and keep busy/preoccupied/outta trouble until Sunday at 3 in the PM. And outside of working on videos, writing dumb shit, listening to the radio, and drinking beer (what makes this different from any other week?), it hasn’t been easy. But we’ve passed the hump ‘o the week, and soon the momentum will build steam like a Coors Light train and next thing we know it it’s Sunday. That said, if you’re like me and you need to waste another 3-4 minutes now then take a second to enjoy this amazing video; an all-movie quote version of Lionel Richie’s “Hello”. Yup...lyrically spot-on and all. I’ll see you in a few...
Oh Baltimore! Oh Ray Rice...Bernard Pollard...T-Sizzler...Ray Lewis...do we owe you guys, for so many reasons (Pollard especially...I want his left knee served postgame to TFB on a silver platter!). Last week’s game was SFS: So Fahkin’ Sweet - on so many levels. But gone is the time that we should be basking in the biblical beatdown. I don’t believe that game to be a fluke or aberration, nor do I think it what we should expect to see in any way shape or form. BUT, should you need to waste another coupla minutes before Sunday AND relive the highlights of Saturday night, well...here are all 6 of TFB’s TD’s...
And welcome back...again. For realzerpants, you best believe Baltimore’s chain gang of crab-ass thugs by the bay are gonna bring it, and then some, come Sunday. And it’s gonna be a battle. Terrell Suggs, he of the one-way war of words with TFB for years now, made sure to spend his time wisely Wednesday by arguing with that asshat Skip Bayles on ESPN 2 (instead of studying game film and planning, like we can be assured TFB was). I don’t care if T-Sizzler won AFC Defensive Player of the Year or not, the guy’s a pan-fried dick covered in mouthy douche sauce. Plus, it’s not like the Pats are surging and peaking at the right time. Or have any incentive. Or revenge on the mind. Or one of the best Qbs ever, and perhaps the best playing now (you know what you said, Ray-Ray & T-Sizzler!) Or a coach with menace and mayhem and madness on the mind. NOOO, not at all! How could anyone think as much?!?
Oh buddy, we’re home. They played for this. And they’re on a mission. And Baltimore is in the way. Time for them to get out the way. Everyone’s pumped! I’m jacked. You’re outta your shit. People like this unknown hotty are rocking the GRONK left and right.
It’s happenin’. And I’m ready. I just need to appropriately and judiciously piss away these next 3 and 1/2 days. Wait, I know how! How about we watch this GRONKtastic video of all of Gronk’s 2011 TD’s accompanied by the William Tell 1812 Overture. Yup, it’s ON.
I’m always skeptical of cover songs. Something’s gotta be catchy or waaay waaay out different about it, or maybe it’s a great artist covering a song you never expected. But when it’s the same artist who covers their own song and then changes the lyrics? Like Elton John for “Candle In The Wind”? OK, fine. I get it. A beloved worldwide figure and philanthropist and icon died. That was tragic. But John Parr, who I hadn’t heard from in ages and was totally fine with, covering his own hit, “St. Elmo’s Fire”, and mutating it into “Tebow’s Fire”? Out of nowhere? Jeezus, that made ME wanna get chased by the paparazzi, only to crash my car in a tunnel. Listen at your own risk, for there will be blood. Pouring from your ears.
So after watching / listening to a steaming pan-fried pile of shit like that, you know what I usually find a nice palate cleanser/refresher? Yup...some certified-fresh BRADY PORN.
Ah...now don’t we feel better? That’s more like it. Now...
We can never consume enough Pats goodness, especially when on the subject of DAS GRONK. If you wanna get to know Gronk, head to toe, bow to stern, up, down and all-around, read Jackie MacMullen’s awesome piece. Yes, indeed, it is good to be The Gronk.
And if I may, a brief aside from all the Pats/Broncos hoopnanny (that’s hooplah & hootnanny for you kids at home)...I’ve been asked dozens of times this week, “What do you think about the Jets disaster?” Umm...do you REALLY need to ask me that? Anytime anything bad happens to the Jets you shuld know that somewhere out there, probably near a beer or a pizza or a toilet, or all three, I’m smiling. That’s how it works; when bad things happen to Jets Fitzy & all jackass Pats fans smile. So this shitstorm, with the under bus-throwing of Sanchez and The Blame Game and more Rextastic blather from Jabba the Coach? COME ON! it’s nonstop earcandy. I’m Cheshire Cat-ing it 24/7, outside of the joy of thinking about the Pats kicking ass this weekend, no less. They’re a mess. It’s wonderful. and they have all the offseason they want and need to right the ship for next season...where they can underwhelm and let down their fans and anyone dumb enough to listen to Rex’s preDICKtions yet again. Now, if you will, enjoy this Bugsy Segal-styled pics sent in from GFY pal Joe Mazer out in the AZ that say all else that need be said. For now.
“The ideal quarterback is...Tom Brady.” Bet that had to hurt saying, eh T-Sizzle!
CLICK HERE to watch some NFL Films produced glorious Brady Porn, up-to-date and fresh for your Foxboro football eyes. Yeah, still kinda sort of a fan.
And now the bonus...for those of you who hate the Jets as much as love laughing at them, and good sports comedy, then please do take delight in this dandy fahkin’ clip from The Onion’s new “PTI” parody, “Get Out Of My Face”. There’s just so much to love about this I don’t know where to begin. But Sanchize deriders and Jets haters alike will really dig the goods later in the clip. And me? I think as soon as I post this I’ll just go back and watch it, and the Brady Porn, again.
Oh, this is filthy Foxboro goodness. Might wanna grab a 6-pack, some tissues and make sure you’re by yourself for this edition of BRADY PORN. Rated NSFW: Not Safe For Wife.
And to those who are saying, “Hey, haven’t heard a lot about the Pats this week, therefore I feel the need to be concerned because, you know, that’s what I do.” (guilty as charged!), I offer that Bill Belichick is the coach of the Patriots and Tom Brady is still the GQB. PRETTY sure they know how to prep for a game, no matter the opponent, stage, day, time, location, wind, barometric pressure, network, etc. Even if the Chiefs and Tyler Palko Breadcrumbs are coming in all gimpy and such, I don’t think we have to worry about the Pats taking them lightly. Romeo Crennel and Scott Pioli are bigwigs for the Cheifs, and you know as much as BB respects them and appreciates everything they did during the salad days of the 1st decade dynasty...he wants to beat their pants off (check out Pioli’s love letter to Belichick here). So let’s all calm the fahk down, KEEP CALM AND BRADY ON and look forward to a good game, a well-played game, umm..and uh, PFF: Patriots Fahkin’ Football (and may god forbids there be a repeat performance of what happened to TFB the last time the Chiefs came to Foxboro...may it never be mentioned again).
Guess this gives new meaning to The Beckett Bowl (courtesy Jerry Remy’s Bar & Grill)
Well, the fallout from Dirty Watergate continues, now with Jawnee Lestah being the first to come forth and admit he was drinking beer in the clubhouse during off-nights, calling it a “bad habit” (which is what I call it too), but saying it didn’t contribute to the team-wide malaise in September that lead to the epic shitting of the playoff bed. And while ol’ Lestah the Lefty, who I believe is a good guy and genuinely feels badly about this (unlike Awesome O’Cock) might be technically right, I kinda have to disagree. You can have a shit day at work, and when someone finds out you were drinking recently they might say “Well, if you’d have been taking care of yourself maybe you wouldn’t have had such a bad day.” And you might say, “Fuck you, Len! I wasn’t hammered at work so go mind your own gawd-damn business!” And you’re technically right, but Len the annoying guy from work might also have a point. Sometimes you (and it kills me to say this) might have to bypass the brewskis in favor of job success, team support, career goals and all that other happy horseshit. And while everybody loves the idea of a clubhouse full of dudes getting tanked on pop-top cans of shitty beer, using foul language, popping pills, spanking women’s asses and rippin’ butts like it’s the 70’s, those days have gone by the wayside. Game’s changed...and of course had the Sox got into the playoffs and won some games then we’d be paying tribute to the throwback caution-to-the-wind beers, buddies & baseball softball-style approach to the game brought forth by these Sox. Instead now they lost (dunno if you heard) and they look like asses, people we liked for so long with the tea have bailed, and we feel like we were robbed of what kinda was and definitely shoulda been. I ain’t whining...we got rings, wouldn’t change a thing. But this just looks bad...kinda like how the 2004 Sox would have looked bad if they didn’t beat the Skanks and win it all after Millar said they did shots of Jack in the clubhouse before games. Oh, but wait, THOSE GUYS WON. So yeah, you want beer, wings and bros before throws? Fine...just back it up and do your job.
Now, as a salve for those still gaping/healing wounds from Dirty Watergate and the epic collapse of 2011, might I offer some freshly-produced Brady Porn, coming in the form of the final drive from Sunday’s win versus the Cowboys? It’s vintage TFB at its finest, true KEEP CALM AND BRADY ON goodness. Who needs to edit together a season of highlights when he delivered a straight drive of highlights all the way to a win?
Ahh, there...I’m not even thinking about how those lousy Sox any more. I just want more football now. But seeing as it’s the bye week I guess I’ll just have to watch this again and again...until FOX or the NFL or both put in a claim and force YouTube to take it down.
Your predictions for Sunday....now...give them to me.
In absence of a v ideo here from us assclowns, I think my favorite video prediction for today’s contest comes from Pats Propaganda himself...
(seeing as everyone was OK it makes it OK-ish to post this)
With Welker likely to spend some time on Revis Island, looking for ways to fight his way off every down, we’re gonna need the first big gameday appearance from Ocho. Seriously. Nothing would piss off the Jets and Rexxus Nexxus quite like Ocho grabbing a big one today. to say he’s due would be a HFU: huge fahkin’ understatement...
Would love nothing more than to see Ocho get welcomed to the party in scoring style. Like Foxboro wouldn’t shit itself and make snow in the 80 degree heat for impromptu snow fireworks. THIS I WANT TO SEE!
S’go Pats! Place your bets and fahk the Jets. 4-1, git-r-dun.
Watching the Sox continue to piss themselves in the corner by the keg? THAT is getting old, real fast.
One team is a real buzz, the other an ultimate buzzkill. Can’t believe what we’re watching; some of the best offensive football in NFL history (TFB is on pace to throw for 4 and 1/2...MILES this season), and potentially the biggest regular season choke...EVER. Hard to put any lipstick on this pig, kids. The Sox are in BFT: big fahkin’ trouble. Someone’s gotta step their shit up. I know they don’t have a healthy Tom Brady on their team now...but come on! The Pats got a big pick from Sergio Brown (exactly!) yesterday, and an even bigger INT from Vince Wilfork. Yes, a 350 lb man picked off a pass to help his team yesterday. Someone’s gotta step up for the Sox (who are throwing Weiland and Lackey out in the doubledipper today? FMA: fahk my ass). Who’s gonna be the Vince WIlfork for the Red Sox and pick off a pass and do the fat man’s rumble?
(pic from LOLPats) - Join me on NESN.com/NESN-Nation today for the 1st game of the doubleheadah and let’s talk/bitch/tweet/hug this shit out (@fitzyGFY).
Full recap, photos, a tailgate-tacular video of your dreams...please continue to watch and then rewatch the highlight of the night from TFB’s record-setting performance. The Pats fans I was with in the nosebleeds...we all jumped up and down and screamed like little girls or an audience receiving from cars from Oprah. It was sick. Insane. RI-FAHKIN-DICULOUS! It’s Brady AND Welker porn in one. Love it!
OK...back on solid ground, holding down solid food. We’re in the lab...much Miami madness and more coming soon. But holy shit what a win. Folks...I don’t mean to granddad you on this one, but treasure these games. Remember what we’re watching and enjoy the shit out of it. We’re watching right-handed Ted Williams play QB for the Pats, in his prime. He’s the best he’s been, might even be getting better, and we get to call him our QB (among many other accolades and bouquets). He’s the one, might end (*cough* - will end up) the best ever. So enjoy the ride. And football bonertastic highlights like this when they happen.
If there’s a preseason game that means anything it’s game 3, when the starters ("Dude, they’re gonna play the stahtahz for like 3 quahtahz!") play deep into the game and give us the closest thing to a glimpse into what our team might...MIGHT...look like. Not that Belichick would ever give us a genuine glimpse into what he’s got up his sleeve for the season. Does he wanna release the Kraken and let the D chase the opponent’s QB all season, a complete reversal of seasons past? Is this attacking aggressive D (a fave of your mom) just a decoy to lure teams into thinking it’ll be a one-note D from the Pats? Highly fahkin’ doubt that. Who knows? Belichick would be the best poker player ever, because even with shitty cards he wins money. He may not always take home the World Series of Poker trophy equivalent in football (the VLT, of course), but damn he plays the off-suit 2-7 he gets dealt like a champ. Except now we think he may have some pocket aces with the badass offense and the rising D (I know! I know!). So here are a coupla things I’m excited to see tonight...
TFB...always. Freaky Fahkin’ Sidenote Alert! - Check out how fahkin’ funny KSK’s Tom Brady as White Michael Vick is (in mock of that stoopid fahkin’ ESPN White Michael Vick article)...holy shit this is creepy and will stay in my head like Pennywise the Clown!
The running backs - I wanna see The Lawfirm show everyone he’s ready to next level his shit buy going right after Suh behind the line, cuz I think BJGE is set for a HFS: huge fahkin’ season. PLUS, we might see the debut of Shane Vereen, who’s been int he doghouse due to injury and may wanna show Lord Hoodie that his speed to burn is reason enough to get him some snaps (It’s always tough to say “snaps” unironically, even when talking football, just sayin’...)
The Tight Ends - Time to get Gronktastic and let the The Big Gronkowski show opponents what they need to worry about this seaosn; 2 all-pro tight ends on the field at any given time. And one of them also wants to do a cannonball in your pool, drink your beer and fuck your wife. GRONK IT UP, BABY!
THE BEEF CURTAIN! - Will we finally get to see Haynesworth the Horrible and Big Shaun Ellis in action, applying pressure and sending Matt Stafford running for his fragile and oft-injured life? Will they chase the Qb like Aretha Franklin chases carrot cake? Will they begina 5-month spree of keeping O-line coaches up like Jolt cola and crystal meth? I hope so. Just gimme a taste tonight, coach. We don’t wanna see the whole package! (hey now!) Just get em out there for a few plays and show us what we will live and die for every given Sunday this fall (into winter in Indy).
The Pats - Dood, fake or not, pretend of for realzies, it’s football. There’s a hurricane (supposedly) coming our way. And we’re all supposed to batton down the hatches (whatever that means), buy all the bread/water/milk/flashlight batteries we can handle, I guess so we can make Battery Souffle. And so what better way to spend a Saturday in a storm that drinking beer you were smart enough to buy in advance, and eating pizza you ordered before the rain, as a courtesy to the college burnout driver who doesn’t wanna be there as much as you wouldn’t either, while watching the Pats, in any incarnation. I can’t think of a better way. I’m ready. I’ll be on the Twittah all night if you wanna bullshit. With pizza, flashlight batteries, milk, my GRONK shirt...and beer from my store. S"GO PATS!
.jpeg)
.jpg)
.jpeg)
