NEW VIDEO: Peyton Manning’s Voicemail to Tom Brady

Our Newest Shirt: GRONK SPIKE

What’s that?  You say you’re a real supahfan, and that GRONKmania has run wild all over you, just like he does opposing defenses.  And because of your GRONK boner you won’t be totally satidfied until you secure a kickass new Pats-related, GRONK-tastic shirt to wear during “The Big Game”?  Well friend, just in time for the Soopah Bowl, get your hands on our newest shirt, GRONK SPIKE. We know you Patspeoples are 31 flavors of excited to Rock Out With Your Gronk Out come February 5th, and maybe every day leading up to it as well.  SO, if you place your order between now and Wednesday February 1st, we guarantee it will arrive in time for Super Bowl Sunday (we’d highly recommend selecting Priority Shipping just to be safe, especially if you’re ordering just one shirt...it’s totally worth the extra $2, champ). Happy Gronking everyone and LET’S GO PATS!!!

Sizes

Extra Small GRONK SPIKE $13.00 USD Small GRONK SPIKE $13.00 USD Medium GRONK SPIKE $13.00 USD Large GRONK SPIKE $13.00 USD XL GRONK SPIKE $13.00 USD XXL GRONK SPIKE $15.00 USD

Our AFC Championship Webcast…and every last little something Pats we can think of

First we got this...



...and here’s everything else Patstastic and such we can think of for you to watch, read, look at, enjoy and whatever else you gotta do before kickoff.

CelticsPatriotsMan has a pretty sweet little...preview of today’s showdown.



And then we got all these...there’s GFY pal and middle-finger flippin’ stalwart Bugsy Segal finally showing a sign of approval to a license plate...and how!



Then we got Chad Lakkas (@themadgamer), who whipped up this sign for the stands so his aunt could see him at the game Sunday (dood...I would SO download this app and play the shit outta this game...hope the Pats do to Sunday).



Then we got this sweetass GRONK cartoon / illustration by Neil Smith (starting to get an idea how big New England’s Gronk-boner is at this point?)



Then we got my boy Hanzy, who always whips up the best gameday outfits for The Razor.  Here was last week’s for The Tebowl 2...can’t effing wait to see what he devises for the Championship.



WEEI kinda nailed it; we need Big Vince to come hungry and dine on stuffed Raven today.



And as we head into it, and the game we’ve somehow waited a week for is nigh, remember 2 things; no matter what happens, like Jen Hill does here, KEEP CALM AND BRADY ON.



And be sure to say a coupla OUR BRADYs before kickoff (as presented by our pal Jeremiah Lucas).



So there it is and here we go.  Nothing else need be said.  GAME.  EFFING ON.  Hang ‘em high and let ‘em fly, boys.  GFY, Ravens.  LET’S GO PATS!!!

Fitzy’s Wicked Pissah Pats/Ravens AFC Championship Webcast

The Best New TV Show Idea?  “GRONK That TV!”

If you’re a fan of listening to or watching shit getting destroyed then you’ll go batty for Toucher & Rich’s “GRONK That TV!” This really might be the best new TV show out there.



Kudos, gentlemen.  What a way to give away tickets.  But hey...I thought “Wheel Of Fish” from the Weird Al classic “UHF” was high art and great entertainment, so what do I know right?



3 days and counting...

An AFC Championship OMGTFB Things ‘n Stuff & Junk and Shit If Ever…

The task, or tasks, at hand are very simple; A.) Beat the Ravens Sunday, and 2.) Have all us crazy obsessed excited psyched superpumped fans make it to Sunday.  ‘Cuz I gotta tell ya it’s Wednesday night, and that’s a tall order itself.  I am doing everything possible under the sun to distract myself and keep busy/preoccupied/outta trouble until Sunday at 3 in the PM.  And outside of working on videos, writing dumb shit, listening to the radio, and drinking beer (what makes this different from any other week?), it hasn’t been easy.  But we’ve passed the hump ‘o the week, and soon the momentum will build steam like a Coors Light train and next thing we know it it’s Sunday.  That said, if you’re like me and you need to waste another 3-4 minutes now then take a second to enjoy this amazing video; an all-movie quote version of Lionel Richie’s “Hello”.  Yup...lyrically spot-on and all.  I’ll see you in a few...

Hello from ant1mat3rie on Vimeo.

OK, and we’re back!  To the game at hand...



Oh Baltimore!  Oh Ray Rice...Bernard Pollard...T-Sizzler...Ray Lewis...do we owe you guys, for so many reasons (Pollard especially...I want his left knee served postgame to TFB on a silver platter!).  Last week’s game was SFS: So Fahkin’ Sweet - on so many levels.  But gone is the time that we should be basking in the biblical beatdown.  I don’t believe that game to be a fluke or aberration, nor do I think it what we should expect to see in any way shape or form.  BUT, should you need to waste another coupla minutes before Sunday AND relive the highlights of Saturday night, well...here are all 6 of TFB’s TD’s...



And welcome back...again.  For realzerpants, you best believe Baltimore’s chain gang of crab-ass thugs by the bay are gonna bring it, and then some, come Sunday.  And it’s gonna be a battle.  Terrell Suggs, he of the one-way war of words with TFB for years now, made sure to spend his time wisely Wednesday by arguing with that asshat Skip Bayles on ESPN 2 (instead of studying game film and planning, like we can be assured TFB was).  I don’t care if T-Sizzler won AFC Defensive Player of the Year or not, the guy’s a pan-fried dick covered in mouthy douche sauce.  Plus, it’s not like the Pats are surging and peaking at the right time.  Or have any incentive.  Or revenge on the mind.  Or one of the best Qbs ever, and perhaps the best playing now (you know what you said, Ray-Ray & T-Sizzler!) Or a coach with menace and mayhem and madness on the mind.  NOOO, not at all!  How could anyone think as much?!?

Oh buddy, we’re home.  They played for this. And they’re on a mission.  And Baltimore is in the way.  Time for them to get out the way. Everyone’s pumped!  I’m jacked.  You’re outta your shit.  People like this unknown hotty are rocking the GRONK left and right.



It’s happenin’.  And I’m ready.  I just need to appropriately and judiciously piss away these next 3 and 1/2 days.  Wait, I know how!  How about we watch this GRONKtastic video of all of Gronk’s 2011 TD’s accompanied by the William Tell 1812 Overture.  Yup, it’s ON.

gronk 1812 video:

As always, more soon.  Bax & O’Brien thursday at 8 in the AM.  Videos coming.  Till then, be well.  Drink up.  GO PATS.



Now available in regular OR diet! (thnx 2 GFY pal Joe Chaitin for sending this beauty from a Stop & Shop in Chelmsford along).

NEW VIDEO: Pats/Broncos: Round 2

I know you don’t need anything else to get you psyched for Saturday night.  BUT, just in case...we made you this.



S’go Pats!!!

Wait…There’s A Fahkin’ Game Saturday Night?

Who’s playing?  I HADN’T HEARD YET!!!!

Oh my jeezus cripes on crackerstix, this has got to stop.  It’s madness, all the non-stop Tebowapaloozamaniahype.  Check this video out, courtesy of the intrepid folks at Deadspin...it’s 160 mentions of Tebow in but 1 hour of SportsCenter.  I SHIT YOU NOT (click link to view).

No shit, if you didn’t live in New England, or weren’t a Pats fan who checks blogs and the radio online from wherever the dick you live, then you would think Saturday night that Tebow Almighty is coming to play some ham ‘n egger QB and his ragtag shit squad in the playoffs, and that after Tebow parts the opposing D like the Red Sea and moves on, nobody will even remember this anonymous team he smote in the Divisional Round.  HE’S PLAYING THE MUTHAFUCKIN PATRIOTS, people!  Wait...first, shame on me for falling victim to the Tebow trap and talking more about him.  But not really, becuase it’s leading me to a greater point.  And that is...how much extra incentive, motivation and under-ass-fire do you guys wanna light for the Pats?  They wanna shut everyone up about the D this year.  They haven’t won a playoff game in 4 effin’ years.  They’ve lost their last 2 games at home, including last year’s Divisional against the gaddam Jets.  The D sucks..wonk wonk yadda blah-blah...and now the coverage is 24-7 Teblow?  They’re gonna be so freakin’ fired up. TFB is already in his full-blown surly playoff mega-focus mode. But now, you add all this shit?  Then the Pats get to be the motivational underdogs (even at 13 point favorites).  And get to play the disrespected by the media card.  Suffice it to fahkin’ say they should come out strong and start pretty fahkin’ fast Saturday night.  And if not, and the trend of falling behind early continues, well...



I don’t need a reason to convince myself how the Pats should win, or why.  But now there’s an extra WHY in the equation, that being the “America, please allow us to do you a favor and stop the Tebowtalk once and for all.  It’s the least the Pats can do.” Maybe this will actually curry some favor with the American football masses who are envious and stupid and still play the lameball ‘SpyGate / 18-1” cards.  Original AND clever!  Well, if this doesn’t make people like or root for the Pats more then I couldn’t give 17 sailing shitpatties.  I’m all in.  You’re fahkin’ pumped and jacked like a shirtless Pete Carroll!  It needs to be Saturday night NOW!



I’m ready now (“My cock’s ready now, Jack!”), but to fill ‘n kill before the game I guess we’ll just have to KEEP CALM AND BRADYC ON, blog it up and finish the videos we’re working on.  Oh...and of course, it’s not a big Patriots rivalry game without a Bugsy Segal salute to our opponent.

‘Cuz You Need Another Reason To Loathe Tebowmania…

I’m always skeptical of cover songs.  Something’s gotta be catchy or waaay waaay out different about it, or maybe it’s a great artist covering a song you never expected.  But when it’s the same artist who covers their own song and then changes the lyrics?  Like Elton John for “Candle In The Wind”?  OK, fine.  I get it.  A beloved worldwide figure and philanthropist and icon died.  That was tragic.  But John Parr, who I hadn’t heard from in ages and was totally fine with, covering his own hit, “St. Elmo’s Fire”, and mutating it into “Tebow’s Fire”?  Out of nowhere?  Jeezus, that made ME wanna get chased by the paparazzi, only to crash my car in a tunnel.  Listen at your own risk, for there will be blood.  Pouring from your ears.



So after watching / listening to a steaming pan-fried pile of shit like that, you know what I usually find a nice palate cleanser/refresher?  Yup...some certified-fresh BRADY PORN.



Ah...now don’t we feel better?  That’s more like it.  Now...

We can never consume enough Pats goodness, especially when on the subject of DAS GRONK.  If you wanna get to know Gronk, head to toe, bow to stern, up, down and all-around, read Jackie MacMullen’s awesome piece.  Yes, indeed, it is good to be The Gronk.

And if I may, a brief aside from all the Pats/Broncos hoopnanny (that’s hooplah & hootnanny for you kids at home)...I’ve been asked dozens of times this week, “What do you think about the Jets disaster?” Umm...do you REALLY need to ask me that?  Anytime anything bad happens to the Jets you shuld know that somewhere out there, probably near a beer or a pizza or a toilet, or all three, I’m smiling.  That’s how it works; when bad things happen to Jets Fitzy & all jackass Pats fans smile.  So this shitstorm, with the under bus-throwing of Sanchez and The Blame Game and more Rextastic blather from Jabba the Coach?  COME ON!  it’s nonstop earcandy.  I’m Cheshire Cat-ing it 24/7, outside of the joy of thinking about the Pats kicking ass this weekend, no less.  They’re a mess.  It’s wonderful.  and they have all the offseason they want and need to right the ship for next season...where they can underwhelm and let down their fans and anyone dumb enough to listen to Rex’s preDICKtions yet again.  Now, if you will, enjoy this Bugsy Segal-styled pics sent in from GFY pal Joe Mazer out in the AZ that say all else that need be said.  For now.

NEW VIDEO: A Candid Interview With The Gronk

Few in football at Foxboro have seen the star shine brighter, faster, than the man-myth-legend that is Gronk.  He’s a living icon and a walking idol.  And in this interview he shares some insight as to how he thinks and why he is the Gronk that he is.  If you weren’t already onboard The Gronk Express...




Surprisingly SFW!

Go Pats.